Things move pretty fast in our world these days and that means we are moving fast too. In order to keep up we may feel we have to act and respond quickly to what is before us. And, that can be a problem.
We end up reacting to what is happening in the moment. We react instead of respond, and we do it without taking time to check within for what we really, really, really want.
As we enter the month of September, I am anticipating the transition from summer to fall. When I lived in California there was little evidence of seasons changing and I was not tuned into these cycles of nature. Now that I have moved to Missouri, I live by them.
It’s easy to get upset in our interactions with others. They can say things we take wrong or even intend to hurt us. On the flip side, we can feel bad if we unintentionally hurt someone else or feel misunderstood.
These are signs that we are taking things personally.
I think we can all agree that our lives today are full of distractions. We are so busy doing that we lose touch with our ability to just be. It leaves us living surface level, task oriented lives instead of being able to savor the moments we are given.
Money is one of those subjects that can bring out the best and the worst in us. It can be seductive, shameful, and trigger all of our emotional “stuff” more than just about anything in life.
Fear is one of the most common things my clients talk about when the subject of money comes up. Sometimes it’s warranted, but even when doing well many are haunted by images of becoming bag ladies living on the street.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the drama, reacting to what is happening and feeling like you need to defend or protect yourself. The story of what is happening may even become amplified in your mind when it triggers fears, pain or echoes a past negative experience. But, the extra upset you create only hurts you and keeps you distracted from resolution.
Resolving things that feel upsetting happens best when you can be in a calm and rational state. When your energy is neutral you can be more thoughtful, open and find solutions for the issue at hand. Easier said then done. Right?
Keep in mind – It’s how you relate to the issue that matters most.
When we are grounded, we feel centered, strong, aligned, and connected to our inner wisdom. It brings a calm confidence that empowers us and allows us to operate as our best selves.
Life can sometimes unsettle us and pull us from our natural grounded state. When it does this, we may notice that we are not feeling or doing our best. Everything may seem harder and our inner resources can be depleted.
There was a time in my life when I felt like I couldn’t even remember who I was. After years where I survived scary things as a child, was in an abusive relationship, grieved a man I loved and pushed myself to the limits as a single mom I was exhausted. I just put one foot in front of the other and never even considered there might be more to life.
As a coach, I talk to women experiencing the same thing almost every day. Sometimes it’s a life transition like menopause or an empty nest that helps them realize there are better things than what they are experiencing. And sometimes their soul calls out to them asking for change. Whatever the catalyst is, they begin to realize that there is hope, they can make choices and in order to thrive they need to listen to the calling of their heart.
Decision fatigue comes when we find ourselves having to evaluate and make choices over and over again. We make more decisions in one day than previous generations ever had to and to be honest it can be quite tiring.
Many of the choices we make each day are the same ones we made the day before. What to eat. What to wear. When to go to bed. What if there was a way to simplify the number of daily decisions and leave more space in our brains for other, more important things?
The period of completion after an uncomfortable experience is not just about resolution, it is also a time of transition. When we seek closure, what we really want is an understanding of what has happened and an opportunity to integrate the lessons we have learned. Continue reading
When clients first start working with me they are often feeling overwhelmed, upset, or out of balance. Many of them have forgotten who they really are, judging themselves on the basis of:
Recently, I was having dinner with my family when something said triggered a memory and I started crying. Everyone was surprised, especially me. The last time my family saw me cry was 6 years ago when I thought I lost my cat while moving. These tears seemed out of the blue.
I like to believe that I have resolved and healed the experiences from my past, and mostly I have. The time and energy I have put into healing and evolving has paid off, but I doubt anyone ever does it perfectly. There are different angles, remnants and nuances that can still be triggered and set off our emotions. Not as many, but there are usually some.
I don’t have the bumper sticker, but I am one of those people who brakes for garage sales. Hunting for hidden treasures is something I have always enjoyed. It probably goes back to my roots of wearing thrift store clothes as a kid and how much fun it was to find something I loved.
In more recent years I’ve become more selective about what I buy and often come home empty handed. What I enjoy now is looking and visiting with the people there. My dog Daisy loves to join me on these adventures and is pretty good at soliciting lots of pets and attention.
We all have our moments of sadness, whether they are based on something that happened or seem to just show up for no reason. For many of us, these sad moments can keep piling up, leading to long term low moods or even depression.
We can feel helpless when that happens.
But, we don’t have to if we remember these 3 things:
Life is commonly viewed as a straight line that goes from birth to death. I don’t know about you, but mine is full of peaks and valleys, twists and turns and a whole lot of spirals that don’t seem to go anywhere.
Those spirals, that I often call getting stuck in the muck, keep me spinning in circles instead of moving forward and make me miserable too. The symptoms are easy to identify:
Even when our days feel good, there is always room for improvement. It doesn’t mean you have to put a lot of effort into it. Sometimes, it’s the simple things that can brighten your day the most.
Here are some simple and easy ways to make your days feel great:
This is the time of year when my clients are asking a lot of questions about dieting, over-eating and resolutions. A new year is always a good time for a fresh start, but that doesn’t mean I’m a fan of New Year resolutions. Very few people actually keep them and broken resolutions can damage our confidence and self-esteem.
Instead, I recommend choosing a theme to play with and/or setting intentions for the year to come. Intentions are more fluid than resolutions and still lead you on a path to what you want and who you want to become. If you fall off the path there is no need for judgement, you simply pick up where you left off.
This morning I was talking to a client about improving her relationship with food and breaking the cycle of over-eating. As I recommended some steps for her I realized they might make a good blog post, so here they are:
We can let our next year happen and just accept our default experiences or we can work toward intentionally creating a year that we will love.
While this may sound like resolutions, it is a bit different. Resolutions have fixed outcomes and if you don’t reach them you feel like you have failed. Intentions move you forward the direction you want to go without expectations of a specific outcome. They leave room for shifts in direction or moving toward new opportunities when they arise.
Intentions are a more gentle and graceful way to follow your heart and become the person you want to be.
We all have dreams and desires that may not be possible at the present moment, but what do you do when something you really, really want can’t happen.
One of my clients contacted me because she wanted to move to a small town in the midwest, but her husband didn’t feel he could leave his high earning job at the time. The small town idea was stuck in her mind and she just couldn’t shake it. After we confirmed the reality of her situation, I asked her what she thought it would be like to live in a small town. She painted a beautiful picture of a simple life with a close-knit community that reminded me of a Hallmark movie. It was lovely.
“Everything is figureoutable.” – Marie Forleo
While I’m not sure that I agree that EVERYTHING is figureoutable, I’m pretty sure most things are. It’s not always easy though. Whether we are brainstorming or making decisions, the process will go more smoothly when we are focused and tap into what I call, empowered thinking.
Empowered thinking is when you bring your mind and your intuition together to help you discover what you need or want to know. If you only use one or the other the process can be hard, confusing and sometimes even impossible. It’s only when your intuition and mind work together that you can be your most effective and make the best choices.