Life is commonly viewed as a straight line that goes from birth to death. I don’t know about you, but mine is full of peaks and valleys, twists and turns and a whole lot of spirals that don’t seem to go anywhere.
Those spirals, that I often call getting stuck in the muck, keep me spinning in circles instead of moving forward and make me miserable too. The symptoms are easy to identify:
Even when our days feel good, there is always room for improvement. It doesn’t mean you have to put a lot of effort into it. Sometimes, it’s the simple things that can brighten your day the most.
Here are some simple and easy ways to make your days feel great:
This is the time of year when my clients are asking a lot of questions about dieting, over-eating and resolutions. A new year is always a good time for a fresh start, but that doesn’t mean I’m a fan of New Year resolutions. Very few people actually keep them and broken resolutions can damage our confidence and self-esteem.
Instead, I recommend choosing a theme to play with and/or setting intentions for the year to come. Intentions are more fluid than resolutions and still lead you on a path to what you want and who you want to become. If you fall off the path there is no need for judgement, you simply pick up where you left off.
This morning I was talking to a client about improving her relationship with food and breaking the cycle of over-eating. As I recommended some steps for her I realized they might make a good blog post, so here they are:
We can let our next year happen and just accept our default experiences or we can work toward intentionally creating a year that we will love.
While this may sound like resolutions, it is a bit different. Resolutions have fixed outcomes and if you don’t reach them you feel like you have failed. Intentions move you forward the direction you want to go without expectations of a specific outcome. They leave room for shifts in direction or moving toward new opportunities when they arise.
Intentions are a more gentle and graceful way to follow your heart and become the person you want to be.
Many of the people I talk to as a Life Coach tell me they wish they had less clutter in their homes. It comes up so often it feels like a cultural trend. When they are working on clearing out stuff, one of the things they often get stuck on is getting rid of unused or unloved gifts. They seem to feel a sense of obligation to display or keep whatever has been given to them.
In the midst of our commercial world there is a quiet movement toward minimalism and simplicity. People are realizing that the drive to have more and more stuff, compare and keep up with others and try to cover their emotional pain with shopping sprees is not the answer.
They have frantically pursued shiny objects they thought would make them happy while burying their awareness that this way of life was harming their health, putting them in debt and causing them to stuffocate.
The question is: What is enough?
We all have dreams and desires that may not be possible at the present moment, but what do you do when something you really, really want can’t happen.
One of my clients contacted me because she wanted to move to a small town in the midwest, but her husband didn’t feel he could leave his high earning job at the time. The small town idea was stuck in her mind and she just couldn’t shake it. After we confirmed the reality of her situation, I asked her what she thought it would be like to live in a small town. She painted a beautiful picture of a simple life with a close-knit community that reminded me of a Hallmark movie. It was lovely.
I love garage sales and the picture above is of one of my recent finds. As I hung it on the wall, I reflected on the message of kindness. Yes. Kindness truly does matter and it’s something I work to integrate into my life. Like many of you I can be very kind to others, but sometimes it’s a bit harder to remember to be kind to myself.
Each of us has an inner bully, a voice in our head that belittles us and makes us feel bad. Many of us give it free rein and believe what it says even though it’s messages aren’t true. The strange thing is that we would go to great lengths to protect a child who was being bullied, but then let our own inner bully beat us up day in and day out.
How do you start your mornings? It’s easy to fall into the habit of letting negative thoughts lead the way. For many, their first thoughts are about what hurts, what they “have to” do that day, or rehashing something negative that has happened. You and I are likely to fall into that trap occasionally too, but we know there is a better way. And, it begins with morning habits that help you start your day right.
After all, how you start your day will impact how you feel and perform throughout the day.
For those of you who don’t know, this is Daisy. Today is the 3rd anniversary of her adoption day and I am grateful that she has come into my life. Daisy is my first dog so I had a lot to learn. I had always wanted one, but lived in apartments and condos for years and didn’t feel I had the right space. Once I moved to a home with a yard the time just felt right.
We’ve had a lot of adventures together and I’ve learned a lot from this little girl who seems to have taken over my life.
Here are a few of the top lessons:
I used to have a shopping addiction. This might surprise you because I am known for being a bit frugal and living within my means, but the truth is I would often go shopping whether I needed something or not. I would shop for all the wrong reasons:
You’ve probably heard that mindful meditation is a good way to relieve stress or anxiety and improve general well-being, but it sounds like you have to go sit somewhere, close your eyes and meditate like a yogi. While that is one possibility, there are many other ways to practice this healing tool.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not very good at the whole meditating thing. There are times when it works for me, but most of the time I somehow get lost in the trying instead of the experience. Practicing mindfulness feels more natural and has similar benefits.
I just passed the 5 year anniversary of my move from California to a small town in Missouri and have been reminiscing quite a bit. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long. Making the decision, house hunting and the road trip here with my friend Traci seem like they just happened yesterday.
One of the things I often see with new coaching clients is that they can have a pretty good idea what they want, but be totally confused and overwhelmed at the same time. This keeps them spinning in circles and unable to move forward. Some times they just have too much information to process, but more often than not fear is using overwhelm as a distraction to try and keep them from taking a risk.
Too often, we find ourselves thinking about life and the things within it as hard, difficult or something we feel forced to do. We dread what will come next and brace ourselves for the work that will be required of us to keep up with the musts, shoulds and have tos we decide to take on.
We wonder why life is so hard, heavy and scary, not realizing it doesn’t have to be.
Not if you approach it as play.
I’ve been watching more TV than usual lately. It’s been a very cold winter and of course, there was that whole Covid thing going on too. About a month ago I received my second vaccine and had a reaction. I spent a couple days laying down and then experienced vertigo for a few more. Needless to say, I watched a lot of television.
Since then, I seem to be watching a couple hours every evening, sometimes even more. I’m enjoying my TV time, but not feeling good about feeling addicted and wasting my life away. It’s just not in alignment with my values.
Every once in awhile I come across a day that is not filled with deadlines, priorities or phone calls. My color coded calendar will have tasks that are mostly muted colors of grey or light blue, with nothing dramatic to catch my eye. They become a blur of suggestions for the day, not absolutes.
This morning, my journaling started with a little grumpiness about a few minor things going on in my life before shifting into gratitude and appreciation. As I wrote from my heart about what I was grateful for I had a realization.
The life I am living now was in many ways one I would have called a dream in my earlier years. I decided to play with this idea and write a vision for the years to come from the perspective of my 40ish self. It included things like:
Your brain loves the number three.
For one thing, it can only hold about 3 things in your short term memory at a time. The number 3 is also the lowest figure that can create patterns in your mind – and your brain loves patterns.
Productivity experts rave about doing things in threes. Keeping things limited to this amount allows for greater focus without overwhelm. That sounds good to me.
In our modern world we are faced with decisions all day long. Some big, some small.
What should I put in my coffee?
What should I wear?
Should I quit my job?
With the bigger questions it is easy to get caught in a thought loop with our mind spinning on pros and cons and never landing anywhere. Often, the information it provides is conflicting and confusing.