I love garage sales and the picture above is of one of my recent finds. As I hung it on the wall, I reflected on the message of kindness. Yes. Kindness truly does matter and it’s something I work to integrate into my life. Like many of you I can be very kind to others, but sometimes it’s a bit harder to remember to be kind to myself.
Each of us has an inner bully, a voice in our head that belittles us and makes us feel bad. Many of us give it free rein and believe what it says even though it’s messages aren’t true. The strange thing is that we would go to great lengths to protect a child who was being bullied, but then let our own inner bully beat us up day in and day out.
This bullying shows up as:
- Self-judgement
- Name calling
- Blame
- Fear
- Comparison
- Self-criticism
- Not taking care of ourselves
It can result in stress, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and self-trust as well as outward symptoms like chaos, obesity, isolation and drama in our relationships, careers and finances. I’m pretty sure you don’t really want any of those things so it’s likely you are either unaware of your inner bully, have just grown used to the abuse, or don’t know how to let it go.
At the core of your inner bully is your belief that there is something inherently wrong with you and that you need to be controlled or redirected.
This terrible lie is likely based on experiences or programming you received as a child. The truth is you are a beautiful soul, a child of God full of love and potential. You deserve wonderful things, great success and relationships filled with love. You have special gifts to offer and many others you are meant to receive.
It’s time to say no to the lies coming from the bully in your mind by turning away from the thoughts that cut you down and embracing the truth of who you really are. It’s not necessarily hard to do so when you remember the inner bully is made up of unvalidated negative thoughts mixed in with the thousands of other thoughts you will have that day. You can move on from thoughts that don’t serve you and choose ones that do.
Here are some guidelines that will help:
Love It: It’s easy to vilify and polarize against things like our inner bullies, but when we do we make them seem much bigger and harder to overcome. So, love your inner bully, thank it for trying to help you and let it know it’s services will no longer be needed.
Label It: Notice when the bully voice comes into your mind, observe it in a neutral way and simply label it – “Oh, it’s just a negative thought .” Labeling can help you feel more neutral instead of reacting or buying into the suggested thought. It has no power over you.
Question It: Ask yourself if you know for sure that the negative thought is true. Look for evidence against it. For example, if your inner bully says you are weak, remember a time when you were strong. Most of these thoughts will not stand up to careful examination.
Let It Go: Imagine the thought in a cloud among other clouds holding the many other thoughts you will experience that day. Let it float away and chose another one.
Build Yourself Up: Reinforce your self-esteem and self-trust by writing lists of your lifetime accomplishments, positive traits, compliments you have been given and daily wins. Acknowledge yourself for the big and the little things. Keep adding to these lists over the years and pull them out whenever you need a boost of confidence.
Be Persistent: Your mind can only focus on one thought at a time and you get to choose what that thought will be. But, it’s sort of like social media. If you have chosen to accept bullying thoughts in the past, it will think you like them and feed you more. It takes time to retrain your mind and let it know you have new interests. At first the process may seem challenging, but with practice and persistence, your brain will start to automatically reset your feed and leave the inner bully behind.
It’s time to say no to the bully, let the thoughts go, and embrace the beautiful life you deserve.
Related Posts:
Simple Solutions – Negative Thoughts
How to Create Positive Feelings When You Can’t Change Your Thoughts