Some of my clients come to me because they feel like they have lost touch with who they are. This often happens when there has been a change in their life. Things like divorce, moving, and kids going off to college can leave you feeling kind of floaty, especially if like most women, you’ve been focusing on taking care of everyone else.
Years ago I read about the idea of setting up a cache of special items that would bring me comfort when I needed it. My comfort box is pictured above and the funny thing is sometimes just knowing I have it is enough.
I think everyone should have one. It doesn’t have to be a box. It could be a drawer, basket, or whatever you want. The idea is to fill it with things that will soothe your soul when you are not feeling well or having experiencing a hard time.
My clients often come to me feeling they need to make big changes in their lives in order to feel peaceful or happy.
While they may be excited, they tend to also feel a bit stuck or overwhelmed. If they seem to be rushing things, it is likely that fear is driving them to run away from something instead of their simply moving toward their dreams.
The word distractions has been coming up in my world lately so I thought I would write about them.
I define distractions as anything that takes your focus away from living a meaningful life.
Today, I am remembering special moments from my past and feeling into who I have become and what I want more of in my life.
I guess you could say I am in an introspective mood.
From this perspective I can see the gifts of my past challenges and how they supported me in becoming who I am today. I don’t believe in regrets, but have a few. Mostly, I am amazed by my journey and how I moved from feeling broken and unable to function to raising a wonderful son, becoming a coach, and creating a life of grace and gratitude. Continue reading
We all have patterns in our lives. Long lines of experiences and lessons that cause us to believe certain things are true. They can lead us into the dark alley of always/never thinking that closes the door to possibilities.
Years ago when I was having a hard time at my job I looked for ways that would help me stay more positive. And, in integrity. I was upset about things that were happening and could feel myself being pulled in the direction of talking behind someone’s back.
My client had a very clear goal. She wanted to find a man to share her life with. She called this goal “finding the one”.
We started with some foundation and discovery work about what she was looking for, open to, and defining her deal breakers. But, it didn’t take long before I realized that she was engaged in a cycle of self sabotage.
Over the years I have talked to a lot of people who were feeling upset or experiencing emotional pain. While their stories may be different, there seems to be a common thread.
I would like to believe I’m a patient person. After all, I’ve raised a child, potty trained a dog, and witnessed the growth of my clients with respect for their own process and timing.
But, lately I’ve been feeling frustrated because reality is not matching up with my expectations.
For many of you, the only lists you write are To Do lists that end up being fuel for self judgement when the endless items don’t magically get done. So, I can understand if you weren’t that interested in reading this post about lists.
One of my clients this morning was reflecting on how her life took a surprising turn that led to something wonderful and new.
She was laid off last year, just a few months before her fully funded retirement. She was angry, terrified, and felt like all had been lost.
We have all experienced it. Spinning minds that seem to take control and make us feel a little crazy.
It could be about a decision you are trying to make.
Problem solving or ideas for something new
Replaying how someone hurt you or something that went wrong
Or, fear trying to stop you from moving forward.
Most of us are talented dreamers. I know I am. My dreams range from real world goals to fantasies about traveling the U.S. in a motor home, bringing small broken down houses back to life, and doing things I’m not sure my body is up for anymore. Some are real desires and some are daydreams, but I love them all.
I’ve been writing in a journal on and off for years, but my commitment wasn’t as high as it is now.
It all started with the book, “The Artist’s Way” and being inspired by Julia Cameron’s recommendation to write 3 pages every morning. But, it never lasted very long. I would journal in fits and spurts, mostly when something was bothering me and then forget all about it.
I feel more committed now. In addition to writing what is on my mind I am using my journal as a tool to improve my life. I can feel it’s impact almost every day and can’t imagine life without it.
Everyone seems to be talking about downsizing, decluttering and tidying up these days. Many of you are feeling the weight of too much stuff. Actually, stuffocating. And, it may be impacting you in more ways than you know.
I’ve noticed lately that when I have trouble going to sleep it’s usually because my mind is very active. It’s as if a thought or story has triggered it into a hyper state that keeps me from relaxing enough to fall asleep.
As I became more aware of this pattern, I could actually feel the moment my mind clicked in and grabbed onto something that would take it, and me, down the rabbit hole.
I decided to practice letting go of the thoughts in that moment and not let them become fully engaged. It’s working really well.
On this eve of Thanksgiving my thoughts are on all that I have to be thankful for and my heart is full. This afternoon, I will be playing Secret Turkey by putting messages of hope, gratitude and joy in mailboxes and on car windshields of people I don’t know.
Practicing thankfulness and gratitude are a part of my life all year, not just on Thanksgiving. There are studies that show gratitude practices can relieve depression, foster a sense of well-being, and even rewire your brain for happiness. If I start to feel low, the first thing I think of is refreshing my gratitude practice because I know it helps. Continue reading
I like to play with various challenges from time to time. It’s how I learn and grown. So, when someone at church suggested we practice thinking before we speak this week I was all in.
It was a good week for it, too. I had several conversations that needed to be handled carefully.
What I didn’t expect was how my focus on thoughtful speaking would make me feel. Continue reading
Feeling heard is a basic human need that far too many people go without. It can make or break relationships, save lives, and even prevent wars.
When someone is talking to you and you are distracted or not wanting to listen, they can tell. And, it hurts.
People who talk a lot, repeat themselves often, or get loud are usually not feeling heard or grew up feeling they didn’t have a voice. In challenging conversations, they will usually calm down once they know you have heard what they are trying to say and then move on to productive conversation.
Those who have suffered loss or are feeling upset don’t need sympathy or to hear your story; they need an opportunity to express themselves without interruption.
Listening is a cornerstone of communication and it is becoming a lost art. It is not about having an agenda or opinion, but about being focused, loving and safe for the other person in that moment.
But, what if what they have to say is negative or hurtful? What if they have a pattern of venting their issues or opinions at you all the time? What if you have a history with the other person that triggers pain and fear as they speak?
Taking care of yourself is always the first priority. If you do not feel safe or ready for the conversation, you are likely not the one meant to do the listening. At least, at this time.
Ultimately, you need to follow your heart. And, when you are able, giving the gift of Heart Centered Listening will be just as much for you as it is for the other person. In many cases these conversations end in huge shifts or breakthroughs. Even if they don’t, you will know that you have done a loving thing. And that, always feels good.
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How to Get Perspective When Feeling Pressured