I would like to believe I’m a patient person. After all, I’ve raised a child, potty trained a dog, and witnessed the growth of my clients with respect for their own process and timing.
But, lately I’ve been feeling frustrated because reality is not matching up with my expectations.
For many of you, the only lists you write are To Do lists that end up being fuel for self judgement when the endless items don’t magically get done. So, I can understand if you weren’t that interested in reading this post about lists.
One of my clients this morning was reflecting on how her life took a surprising turn that led to something wonderful and new.
She was laid off last year, just a few months before her fully funded retirement. She was angry, terrified, and felt like all had been lost.
We have all experienced it. Spinning minds that seem to take control and make us feel a little crazy.
It could be about a decision you are trying to make.
Problem solving or ideas for something new
Replaying how someone hurt you or something that went wrong
Or, fear trying to stop you from moving forward.
Most of us are talented dreamers. I know I am. My dreams range from real world goals to fantasies about traveling the U.S. in a motor home, bringing small broken down houses back to life, and doing things I’m not sure my body is up for anymore. Some are real desires and some are daydreams, but I love them all.
I’ve been writing in a journal on and off for years, but my commitment wasn’t as high as it is now.
It all started with the book, “The Artist’s Way” and being inspired by Julia Cameron’s recommendation to write 3 pages every morning. But, it never lasted very long. I would journal in fits and spurts, mostly when something was bothering me and then forget all about it.
I feel more committed now. In addition to writing what is on my mind I am using my journal as a tool to improve my life. I can feel it’s impact almost every day and can’t imagine life without it.
Everyone seems to be talking about downsizing, decluttering and tidying up these days. Many of you are feeling the weight of too much stuff. Actually, stuffocating. And, it may be impacting you in more ways than you know.
I’ve noticed lately that when I have trouble going to sleep it’s usually because my mind is very active. It’s as if a thought or story has triggered it into a hyper state that keeps me from relaxing enough to fall asleep.
As I became more aware of this pattern, I could actually feel the moment my mind clicked in and grabbed onto something that would take it, and me, down the rabbit hole.
I decided to practice letting go of the thoughts in that moment and not let them become fully engaged. It’s working really well.
On this eve of Thanksgiving my thoughts are on all that I have to be thankful for and my heart is full. This afternoon, I will be playing Secret Turkey by putting messages of hope, gratitude and joy in mailboxes and on car windshields of people I don’t know.
Practicing thankfulness and gratitude are a part of my life all year, not just on Thanksgiving. There are studies that show gratitude practices can relieve depression, foster a sense of well-being, and even rewire your brain for happiness. If I start to feel low, the first thing I think of is refreshing my gratitude practice because I know it helps. Continue reading
I like to play with various challenges from time to time. It’s how I learn and grown. So, when someone at church suggested we practice thinking before we speak this week I was all in.
It was a good week for it, too. I had several conversations that needed to be handled carefully.
What I didn’t expect was how my focus on thoughtful speaking would make me feel. Continue reading
Feeling heard is a basic human need that far too many people go without. It can make or break relationships, save lives, and even prevent wars.
When someone is talking to you and you are distracted or not wanting to listen, they can tell. And, it hurts.
People who talk a lot, repeat themselves often, or get loud are usually not feeling heard or grew up feeling they didn’t have a voice. In challenging conversations, they will usually calm down once they know you have heard what they are trying to say and then move on to productive conversation.
Those who have suffered loss or are feeling upset don’t need sympathy or to hear your story; they need an opportunity to express themselves without interruption.
Listening is a cornerstone of communication and it is becoming a lost art. It is not about having an agenda or opinion, but about being focused, loving and safe for the other person in that moment.
But, what if what they have to say is negative or hurtful? What if they have a pattern of venting their issues or opinions at you all the time? What if you have a history with the other person that triggers pain and fear as they speak?
Taking care of yourself is always the first priority. If you do not feel safe or ready for the conversation, you are likely not the one meant to do the listening. At least, at this time.
Ultimately, you need to follow your heart. And, when you are able, giving the gift of Heart Centered Listening will be just as much for you as it is for the other person. In many cases these conversations end in huge shifts or breakthroughs. Even if they don’t, you will know that you have done a loving thing. And that, always feels good.
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How to Get Perspective When Feeling Pressured
Years ago I went through a time period when I was feeling sad and I wasn’t sure where it was coming from. It had happened gradually without my realizing what was going on. My days felt hard and my heart was heavy.
And then, one evening I was sitting on my couch watching TV and began to cry. I realized this was becoming a pattern and that is when I realized what was happening. Continue reading
“I can’t get no satisfaction, I can’t get no satisfaction
‘Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can’t get no, I can’t get no” – Mick Jagger
I’ve been feeling a bit like Mick Jagger lately and it’s my own fault. I’ve somehow slipped into a state of feeling unsatisfied with things in my life.
As most of you know, I recently adopted a little Beagle mix dog named Daisy. In many ways she is the perfect little girl. She adapted to crate training quickly, hasn’t chewed anything to death, got over her fear of cats, and seldom barks. She loves to cuddle, too.
But, Daisy has a couple little quirks that have caused me to spend my evenings watching Cesar Millan (The Dog Whisperer) on TV at night. Continue reading
It’s pretty common that we feel energized when we set goals and intentions for our lives, but as time goes by and life happens that motivation can start to feel like a distant memory.
We remember the goals and are still vaguely aware of why we wanted them, but feel too busy, too tired, or just kind of stuck. Continue reading
For some reason I have been hearing the term “lizard brain” a lot this week. This is a nickname for the part of your brain that deals with survival and creates your fight or flight response. You may think of it as your own personal freak out zone. Continue reading
I’ve been to a lot of seminars over the years. Some were great, some were okay, and some of them made me feel uncomfortable. The ones I didn’t like usually involved pressure to buy, sell, or do something out of your comfort zone in order to be accepted.
It’s interesting to watch these charismatic seminar leaders in action. They make a lot of money doing this and are experts at building momentum and get people fired up.
They create a sense of urgency, use peer pressure, and sometimes shaming language: Continue reading
I’ve been a life coach for 15 years now. That is a long time. And, during that time I have witnessed transformations, courage, and deep pain as I supported people through the challenges in their lives.
When people ask what my niche or focus is I feel lost because I work with whatever challenges people bring to me – divorce, career, life threatening illness, restlessness, relationships, stress, simplifying their lives, confidence, self-care, creating something new, etc. You name it and I’ve probably coached it. And, I’ve loved it all.
The truth is – I don’t coach specific problems, I coach people. I believe that the issue isn’t necessarily the issue. It’s what lies beneath that matters. Continue reading
The concept of forgiving is very noble and we are told it is the right thing to do, but sometimes it is not so easy.
Even when we know that forgiving is not saying the other person was right we may still crave completion, an apology, a way to prevent it from happening to someone else, retribution, or even just understanding what happened. Continue reading
How peaceful are you feeling today? If you are like most people on earth there is probably a lot on your schedule and even more on your mind.
The following peace enhancing steps are ones that I taught at a retreat a couple years ago. I think you might like them. Continue reading