As we enter the month of September, I am anticipating the transition from summer to fall. When I lived in California there was little evidence of seasons changing and I was not tuned into these cycles of nature. Now that I have moved to Missouri, I live by them.
It’s easy to get upset in our interactions with others. They can say things we take wrong or even intend to hurt us. On the flip side, we can feel bad if we unintentionally hurt someone else or feel misunderstood.
These are signs that we are taking things personally.
I think we can all agree that our lives today are full of distractions. We are so busy doing that we lose touch with our ability to just be. It leaves us living surface level, task oriented lives instead of being able to savor the moments we are given.
Money is one of those subjects that can bring out the best and the worst in us. It can be seductive, shameful, and trigger all of our emotional “stuff” more than just about anything in life.
Fear is one of the most common things my clients talk about when the subject of money comes up. Sometimes it’s warranted, but even when doing well many are haunted by images of becoming bag ladies living on the street.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the drama, reacting to what is happening and feeling like you need to defend or protect yourself. The story of what is happening may even become amplified in your mind when it triggers fears, pain or echoes a past negative experience. But, the extra upset you create only hurts you and keeps you distracted from resolution.
Resolving things that feel upsetting happens best when you can be in a calm and rational state. When your energy is neutral you can be more thoughtful, open and find solutions for the issue at hand. Easier said then done. Right?
Keep in mind – It’s how you relate to the issue that matters most.
When we are grounded, we feel centered, strong, aligned, and connected to our inner wisdom. It brings a calm confidence that empowers us and allows us to operate as our best selves.
Life can sometimes unsettle us and pull us from our natural grounded state. When it does this, we may notice that we are not feeling or doing our best. Everything may seem harder and our inner resources can be depleted.
There was a time in my life when I felt like I couldn’t even remember who I was. After years where I survived scary things as a child, was in an abusive relationship, grieved a man I loved and pushed myself to the limits as a single mom I was exhausted. I just put one foot in front of the other and never even considered there might be more to life.
As a coach, I talk to women experiencing the same thing almost every day. Sometimes it’s a life transition like menopause or an empty nest that helps them realize there are better things than what they are experiencing. And sometimes their soul calls out to them asking for change. Whatever the catalyst is, they begin to realize that there is hope, they can make choices and in order to thrive they need to listen to the calling of their heart.
We all have our moments of sadness, whether they are based on something that happened or seem to just show up for no reason. For many of us, these sad moments can keep piling up, leading to long term low moods or even depression.
We can feel helpless when that happens.
But, we don’t have to if we remember these 3 things:
Have you ever noticed that as people get older they become more entrenched in the way they view the world? I remember one woman I met while volunteering at an Alzheimer’s facility. She was always smiling and would get really excited about simple things like a game of Bingo. Her positive mindset was helping her stay happy and enjoy better moods during a challenging time of her life.
And then, I remember my dad. He would complain endlessly about people who he felt took advantage of him or what was wrong with the world. Visiting him meant listening to much repeated stories of things that had gone wrong in his life. He was angry, hateful and sad and I always felt drained after visiting him.
Both of these people had chosen a way of thinking that programmed their brains year after year until they were living fully in the mindsets they created.
Life is commonly viewed as a straight line that goes from birth to death. I don’t know about you, but mine is full of peaks and valleys, twists and turns and a whole lot of spirals that don’t seem to go anywhere.
Those spirals, that I often call getting stuck in the muck, keep me spinning in circles instead of moving forward and make me miserable too. The symptoms are easy to identify:
Even when our days feel good, there is always room for improvement. It doesn’t mean you have to put a lot of effort into it. Sometimes, it’s the simple things that can brighten your day the most.
Here are some simple and easy ways to make your days feel great:
This is the time of year when my clients are asking a lot of questions about dieting, over-eating and resolutions. A new year is always a good time for a fresh start, but that doesn’t mean I’m a fan of New Year resolutions. Very few people actually keep them and broken resolutions can damage our confidence and self-esteem.
Instead, I recommend choosing a theme to play with and/or setting intentions for the year to come. Intentions are more fluid than resolutions and still lead you on a path to what you want and who you want to become. If you fall off the path there is no need for judgement, you simply pick up where you left off.
This morning I was talking to a client about improving her relationship with food and breaking the cycle of over-eating. As I recommended some steps for her I realized they might make a good blog post, so here they are:
In the midst of our commercial world there is a quiet movement toward minimalism and simplicity. People are realizing that the drive to have more and more stuff, compare and keep up with others and try to cover their emotional pain with shopping sprees is not the answer.
They have frantically pursued shiny objects they thought would make them happy while burying their awareness that this way of life was harming their health, putting them in debt and causing them to stuffocate.
The question is: What is enough?
We all have dreams and desires that may not be possible at the present moment, but what do you do when something you really, really want can’t happen.
One of my clients contacted me because she wanted to move to a small town in the midwest, but her husband didn’t feel he could leave his high earning job at the time. The small town idea was stuck in her mind and she just couldn’t shake it. After we confirmed the reality of her situation, I asked her what she thought it would be like to live in a small town. She painted a beautiful picture of a simple life with a close-knit community that reminded me of a Hallmark movie. It was lovely.
I love garage sales and the picture above is of one of my recent finds. As I hung it on the wall, I reflected on the message of kindness. Yes. Kindness truly does matter and it’s something I work to integrate into my life. Like many of you I can be very kind to others, but sometimes it’s a bit harder to remember to be kind to myself.
Each of us has an inner bully, a voice in our head that belittles us and makes us feel bad. Many of us give it free rein and believe what it says even though it’s messages aren’t true. The strange thing is that we would go to great lengths to protect a child who was being bullied, but then let our own inner bully beat us up day in and day out.
How do you start your mornings? It’s easy to fall into the habit of letting negative thoughts lead the way. For many, their first thoughts are about what hurts, what they “have to” do that day, or rehashing something negative that has happened. You and I are likely to fall into that trap occasionally too, but we know there is a better way. And, it begins with morning habits that help you start your day right.
After all, how you start your day will impact how you feel and perform throughout the day.
“Everything is figureoutable.” – Marie Forleo
While I’m not sure that I agree that EVERYTHING is figureoutable, I’m pretty sure most things are. It’s not always easy though. Whether we are brainstorming or making decisions, the process will go more smoothly when we are focused and tap into what I call, empowered thinking.
Empowered thinking is when you bring your mind and your intuition together to help you discover what you need or want to know. If you only use one or the other the process can be hard, confusing and sometimes even impossible. It’s only when your intuition and mind work together that you can be your most effective and make the best choices.
You’ve probably heard that mindful meditation is a good way to relieve stress or anxiety and improve general well-being, but it sounds like you have to go sit somewhere, close your eyes and meditate like a yogi. While that is one possibility, there are many other ways to practice this healing tool.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not very good at the whole meditating thing. There are times when it works for me, but most of the time I somehow get lost in the trying instead of the experience. Practicing mindfulness feels more natural and has similar benefits.
One of the things I often see with new coaching clients is that they can have a pretty good idea what they want, but be totally confused and overwhelmed at the same time. This keeps them spinning in circles and unable to move forward. Some times they just have too much information to process, but more often than not fear is using overwhelm as a distraction to try and keep them from taking a risk.
Too often, we find ourselves thinking about life and the things within it as hard, difficult or something we feel forced to do. We dread what will come next and brace ourselves for the work that will be required of us to keep up with the musts, shoulds and have tos we decide to take on.
We wonder why life is so hard, heavy and scary, not realizing it doesn’t have to be.
Not if you approach it as play.