Some of my clients come to me because they feel like they have lost touch with who they are. This often happens when there has been a change in their life. Things like divorce, moving, and kids going off to college can leave you feeling kind of floaty, especially if like most women, you’ve been focusing on taking care of everyone else.
Years ago I read about the idea of setting up a cache of special items that would bring me comfort when I needed it. My comfort box is pictured above and the funny thing is sometimes just knowing I have it is enough.
I think everyone should have one. It doesn’t have to be a box. It could be a drawer, basket, or whatever you want. The idea is to fill it with things that will soothe your soul when you are not feeling well or having experiencing a hard time.
I bought a TV about a month ago and I am happy with it. But, every time I walk past it I notice the bright yellow sticker that needs to be removed. I pass by it over and over again throughout the day and instead of taking the sticker off, I just tolerate it.
It’s a form of clutter that steals a tiny bit of my energy every time I see it.
Your life is a work of art and you are the artist creating it. It can be big, bold, and full of color or simply shades of gray. You get to decide.
Art can take on many different forms and styles, but ultimately, the goal is to create something beautiful or thought provoking.
My clients often come to me feeling they need to make big changes in their lives in order to feel peaceful or happy.
While they may be excited, they tend to also feel a bit stuck or overwhelmed. If they seem to be rushing things, it is likely that fear is driving them to run away from something instead of their simply moving toward their dreams.
The word distractions has been coming up in my world lately so I thought I would write about them.
I define distractions as anything that takes your focus away from living a meaningful life.
Years ago when I was having a hard time at my job I looked for ways that would help me stay more positive. And, in integrity. I was upset about things that were happening and could feel myself being pulled in the direction of talking behind someone’s back.
My client had a very clear goal. She wanted to find a man to share her life with. She called this goal “finding the one”.
We started with some foundation and discovery work about what she was looking for, open to, and defining her deal breakers. But, it didn’t take long before I realized that she was engaged in a cycle of self sabotage.
We have all experienced it. Spinning minds that seem to take control and make us feel a little crazy.
It could be about a decision you are trying to make.
Problem solving or ideas for something new
Replaying how someone hurt you or something that went wrong
Or, fear trying to stop you from moving forward.
I’m beginning to think that human beings are hard wired to focus on what is wrong. We have high expectations of ourselves, others, and the world in general and these expectations set us up to feel disappointed when they don’t come true.
Our minds are programmed to always look for what is wrong or what is missing and this keeps us grounded in the negative. When we think negative thoughts we feel bad and are not as effective as we could be.
There are a lot of disappointed and unhappy people out there. Are you one of them?
Everyone seems to be talking about downsizing, decluttering and tidying up these days. Many of you are feeling the weight of too much stuff. Actually, stuffocating. And, it may be impacting you in more ways than you know.
I’ve noticed lately that when I have trouble going to sleep it’s usually because my mind is very active. It’s as if a thought or story has triggered it into a hyper state that keeps me from relaxing enough to fall asleep.
As I became more aware of this pattern, I could actually feel the moment my mind clicked in and grabbed onto something that would take it, and me, down the rabbit hole.
I decided to practice letting go of the thoughts in that moment and not let them become fully engaged. It’s working really well.
Lot’s of space! Granite counter tops! Curb appeal! When looking for a new house it’s easy to get caught up in wanting more, more more.
If you have the perfect house your life inside it will be perfect too. Right? After all, the bank said you can afford it, and they should know. Really?
There is something stirring in the women around me. I hear it in my conversations with clients and friends. They describe feeling like they are on the edge of something new. Something that is calling to their hearts. Some know what it is and others are still waiting for the voice to become more clear.
One of the things I loved about my friend Sybil while she was on this earth was her joy in bringing people together for food and stimulating conversation. She loved to listen and bask in the warmth of being surrounded by interesting friends.
As she was losing her ability to speak, she started writing letters to us. I came across a few of them recently and they were full of amusing observations and appreciation for the people around her. I could almost here her chuckling between the lines. Continue reading
Even as we are out spending money on gifts for our loved ones, we are surrounded by people for whom the holidays are challenging. They may feel stressed, alone, depressed, or be having financial difficulties.
So, I encourage you to take the spirit of the season to a new level by giving in little random ways that can make all the difference for someone in need. Here are some ideas to get you started: Continue reading
My laptop is dying. It keeps freezing up and doing strange things. The good news is that it gave me some warning so I have a new one on the way while it is still working (barely).
It has been a few years since I bought a computer so I jumped into research mode. I searched Google for articles on what to look for, brand comparisons, and features I might want. And then, it was off to Amazon to check what was available and read all of the reviews on laptops I might consider. Continue reading
On this eve of Thanksgiving my thoughts are on all that I have to be thankful for and my heart is full. This afternoon, I will be playing Secret Turkey by putting messages of hope, gratitude and joy in mailboxes and on car windshields of people I don’t know.
Practicing thankfulness and gratitude are a part of my life all year, not just on Thanksgiving. There are studies that show gratitude practices can relieve depression, foster a sense of well-being, and even rewire your brain for happiness. If I start to feel low, the first thing I think of is refreshing my gratitude practice because I know it helps. Continue reading
I like to play with various challenges from time to time. It’s how I learn and grown. So, when someone at church suggested we practice thinking before we speak this week I was all in.
It was a good week for it, too. I had several conversations that needed to be handled carefully.
What I didn’t expect was how my focus on thoughtful speaking would make me feel. Continue reading
Feeling heard is a basic human need that far too many people go without. It can make or break relationships, save lives, and even prevent wars.
When someone is talking to you and you are distracted or not wanting to listen, they can tell. And, it hurts.
People who talk a lot, repeat themselves often, or get loud are usually not feeling heard or grew up feeling they didn’t have a voice. In challenging conversations, they will usually calm down once they know you have heard what they are trying to say and then move on to productive conversation.
Those who have suffered loss or are feeling upset don’t need sympathy or to hear your story; they need an opportunity to express themselves without interruption.
Listening is a cornerstone of communication and it is becoming a lost art. It is not about having an agenda or opinion, but about being focused, loving and safe for the other person in that moment.
But, what if what they have to say is negative or hurtful? What if they have a pattern of venting their issues or opinions at you all the time? What if you have a history with the other person that triggers pain and fear as they speak?
Taking care of yourself is always the first priority. If you do not feel safe or ready for the conversation, you are likely not the one meant to do the listening. At least, at this time.
Ultimately, you need to follow your heart. And, when you are able, giving the gift of Heart Centered Listening will be just as much for you as it is for the other person. In many cases these conversations end in huge shifts or breakthroughs. Even if they don’t, you will know that you have done a loving thing. And that, always feels good.
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How to Get Perspective When Feeling Pressured