Now that it has been almost 2 months of living within a global pandemic, I am realizing there are additional consequences I hadn’t previously considered.
One is that I seem to have lost my sense of direction. Self-direction, that is.
One of the first self help books I read was “Your Erroneous Zones” by Wayne Dyer. It was the first time I realized that worrying is just a fantasy about negative outcomes and a waste of precious time and energy.
I wish I could say I never worried again, but I’m human – just like you. Most of us still spend time on negative fantasies when we get triggered and worry takes center stage. We don’t have to stay there though, once we realize it’s happening. We can shift our mind out of worry and into something better. Here are 5 ways you can do just that.
You may have noticed I’ve been a little quiet lately. Usually, at this time of year I’m advocating year end processes and goal setting for the year to come. And yes, many of my clients are working diligently on these.
But for me, this year felt different. Instead of working on goals I wanted to slide gently and gracefully into the new year.
My clients often come to me feeling they need to make big changes in their lives in order to feel peaceful or happy.
While they may be excited, they tend to also feel a bit stuck or overwhelmed. If they seem to be rushing things, it is likely that fear is driving them to run away from something instead of their simply moving toward their dreams.
We all have patterns in our lives. Long lines of experiences and lessons that cause us to believe certain things are true. They can lead us into the dark alley of always/never thinking that closes the door to possibilities.
Years ago when I was having a hard time at my job I looked for ways that would help me stay more positive. And, in integrity. I was upset about things that were happening and could feel myself being pulled in the direction of talking behind someone’s back.
My client had a very clear goal. She wanted to find a man to share her life with. She called this goal “finding the one”.
We started with some foundation and discovery work about what she was looking for, open to, and defining her deal breakers. But, it didn’t take long before I realized that she was engaged in a cycle of self sabotage.
For many of you, the only lists you write are To Do lists that end up being fuel for self judgement when the endless items don’t magically get done. So, I can understand if you weren’t that interested in reading this post about lists.
We have all experienced it. Spinning minds that seem to take control and make us feel a little crazy.
It could be about a decision you are trying to make.
Problem solving or ideas for something new
Replaying how someone hurt you or something that went wrong
Or, fear trying to stop you from moving forward.
I’m beginning to think that human beings are hard wired to focus on what is wrong. We have high expectations of ourselves, others, and the world in general and these expectations set us up to feel disappointed when they don’t come true.
Our minds are programmed to always look for what is wrong or what is missing and this keeps us grounded in the negative. When we think negative thoughts we feel bad and are not as effective as we could be.
There are a lot of disappointed and unhappy people out there. Are you one of them?
Most of us are talented dreamers. I know I am. My dreams range from real world goals to fantasies about traveling the U.S. in a motor home, bringing small broken down houses back to life, and doing things I’m not sure my body is up for anymore. Some are real desires and some are daydreams, but I love them all.
I’ve been writing in a journal on and off for years, but my commitment wasn’t as high as it is now.
It all started with the book, “The Artist’s Way” and being inspired by Julia Cameron’s recommendation to write 3 pages every morning. But, it never lasted very long. I would journal in fits and spurts, mostly when something was bothering me and then forget all about it.
I feel more committed now. In addition to writing what is on my mind I am using my journal as a tool to improve my life. I can feel it’s impact almost every day and can’t imagine life without it.
I’ve noticed lately that when I have trouble going to sleep it’s usually because my mind is very active. It’s as if a thought or story has triggered it into a hyper state that keeps me from relaxing enough to fall asleep.
As I became more aware of this pattern, I could actually feel the moment my mind clicked in and grabbed onto something that would take it, and me, down the rabbit hole.
I decided to practice letting go of the thoughts in that moment and not let them become fully engaged. It’s working really well.
When clients first come to me they usually have an issue they want to resolve or something they would like to create. They may want to:
And yet, when all said and done, they tell me there was something even more powerful and unexpected that came forward. The real gift was who they became through the process and how much they learned to love and value themselves.
“I can’t get no satisfaction, I can’t get no satisfaction
‘Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can’t get no, I can’t get no” – Mick Jagger
I’ve been feeling a bit like Mick Jagger lately and it’s my own fault. I’ve somehow slipped into a state of feeling unsatisfied with things in my life.
It’s pretty common that we feel energized when we set goals and intentions for our lives, but as time goes by and life happens that motivation can start to feel like a distant memory.
We remember the goals and are still vaguely aware of why we wanted them, but feel too busy, too tired, or just kind of stuck. Continue reading
For some reason I have been hearing the term “lizard brain” a lot this week. This is a nickname for the part of your brain that deals with survival and creates your fight or flight response. You may think of it as your own personal freak out zone. Continue reading
Pull out your journal or pen and paper and get ready to shift your fear… Continue reading
It’s interesting how we can have incredible ideas, intentions and goals and then get totally stuck when we try to implement them. The likely culprit is that we start over thinking and fall into a pattern of negative thoughts. Excitement and planning can quickly shift to reasons we shouldn’t move forward or can’t make things happen, especially if fear has a say.
And then, we find ourselves stuck in indecision and losing motivation as self-doubt and inertia set in. Our lives stay the same and our dreams fade into the distance.
But, wait! There is a quick and easy way to shift this pattern and make things happen. Here’s how it goes: Continue reading
In his book, The Total Money Makeover, Dave Ramsey recommends a process he calls the debt snowball for paying off your bills. He suggests you list all your debts and then pay as much as you can toward the one with the lowest balance first and when it is paid off, move on to the next smallest bill.
Why the lowest balance first? Because, by starting with the smallest bills you build momentum, just like a snowball that grows and builds speed as it goes downhill. It also creates a pattern of success that motivates you to keep going. Continue reading