Lately, I’ve caught myself complaining about the weather, and I can’t stand the sound of it in my own voice. The weather has been bitterly cold and since my dog’s bladder leads us out walking a few times a day, I can say with confidence this is the truth.

I’m all for speaking the truth and I’m also aware that we can color our truths with perceptions, stories we tell ourselves and slants towards the negative. When my truth adds a bit of whine to my voice, it annoys me. And, if it annoys me, it probably bothers the people around me as well.

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I have fond memories of the library I went to as a child. I can remember climbing the stairs to the large historical brick building and the way my footsteps echoed on the wood floors inside. When I was old enough to go into the children’s room alone, I felt grown up and proud and the librarian always seemed so magical to me, like a Disney princess who gets to be the keeper of books.

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I understand the value of time. For many years I was a single mother, often taking on overtime or working 6 days a week because money was scarce. I had to make a choice between supporting us financially or spending more precious time with my son. Sometimes the choices I felt I had to make broke my heart.

My relationship with time has changed now. I have more space in my days and more freedom to spend my time in more meaningful ways. But I have never forgotten the value of a minute and the importance of using it wisely.

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My client was struggling.

She was a new coach who was planning to give her first workshop in a local chiropractic office. All she could think about was what could go wrong or who would judge her. Fear was running the show.

When I asked her to describe how the fear felt, what came up for her was a giant monster standing over her. It looked like the abominable snowman in the old Christmas movie about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Only bigger. Much bigger. And, louder too.

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Sometimes, even the words “to do list” can bring up feelings of dread. These lists often symbolize what we see as failures, incompletions, and expectations not met. But is that really true? It’s possible we might be looking at to do lists all wrong.

How we perceive things impacts our experience of them and sometimes our perception about these lists is not the truth of what they really are.

To do lists are simply tools for remembering and organizing things we want to do.

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We, as humans, are wired to be problem solvers. This is a skill that has helped us survive both collectively and as individuals. When one challenge is resolved we look for the next thing to work on.

This not only keeps us in fix it mode but can also cause a negative bias toward our lives and the world we live in. There is always something wrong or something to fix. We forget to celebrate what is going well, gratitude for those who have helped or the magical moments and beauty of daily life. We are too busy looking for the next problem and exaggerating its importance.

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As the new year approaches I am thinking about what I would like to create in my life for the next trip around the sun. Some may call it goal setting, but my way of thinking about goals and bringing things to life has evolved over the years.

When I was younger, I was very committed to SMART goals and resolutions, and they served me well at the time. I excelled in my work, bought a home and generally improved my life. In later years, as I studied coaching and psychology and worked with more people, the potential downside of this method became more clear.

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