This week is the one year anniversary of my moving from a busy city in Southern California to a rural small town in Missouri.
My intention was to live a more simple life and be close to my 3 grandchildren. After 62 years as a SoCal girl I anticipated some culture shock and knew I had a lot to learn about my new way of life.
Looking back over this first year I feel that I have done well, but am also aware that I am in a process that will take some time. Continue reading
One of my clients the other day was experiencing a lot of regret for how a past relationship ended. She felt guilty that she hadn’t tried harder and hurt the other person involved. The guilt she felt was eating her up from the inside out and impacting how she approached her current relationship, possibly putting it at risk. Continue reading
Many of my clients when they first come to me lead chaotic lives. They are usually on the run, can’t find things when they need them, and often seem to live being tossed from one drama to the next. Their lives are full of anxiety, stress, and unhappiness.
When I suggest bringing a sense of order to their lives, they often resist. It’s too hard! They don’t have the time! And, they feel that if they slow down for a minute all the things they are juggling will fall at once. But, they trust me and usually give it a try, only to find that order brings them peace and allows them to be more effective in the end.
You don’t need to be stressed or anxious to benefit from bringing more order and harmony into your life. We can all appreciate the peace and contentment it brings. When we feel peaceful our lives flow more naturally and we gain a sense of freedom. Continue reading
Some of my clients are shorter than me, but only because they are kids. We talk about things like developing their own code of honor, strategies for school, and family issues. I’m often surprised though, about the level of worry and anxiety they are experiencing at such a young age and am grateful I can help them.
Coaching kids can be rewarding and fun. They are curious, engaged, and open to new ideas. They also challenge me to keep things simple and create metaphors that help them remember.
It occurred to me that we adults can benefit from these simple metaphors and perspectives, too. So, here is my child’s version of talking about worry and the fear it creates. Continue reading
It’s hard to believe I have been here in small town Missouri for 7 months. It feels like I was in a fog the first 3 or 4 trying to get settled in. There were things to learn about yard care, what is available in town, updates to the house, and my initiation into the culture of small town football.
Being near my family has been a blessing and they also keep me pretty busy. I love the time I get to spend with them and never take it for granted.
My first real winter is almost over. Continue reading
Have you ever had little things on your calendar or to do list that you kept putting off?
I know I do. I could be an expert at it. It’s a shame I can’t get paid for it. Continue reading
Don’t get me wrong. I love my new life here in small town Missouri, but it hasn’t always been a smooth ride.
Several months ago I fell while out for a walk and hurt my arm. I could hardly move for a couple of days and then settled into a long journey of healing. There were many limitations to what I could do for what felt like a very, very long time.
Last month I caught the flu, or should I say it caught me. There must be something about these Missouri bugs because I didn’t get get sick in California, at least not for a long time. This flu knocked me down and it took several weeks to start feeling well again.
Add to that some plumbing problems and all of those little things called life and it feels like I got off track. Really off track… Continue reading
I’ve spent some time on Quora answering questions about life for readers and thought it might be fun to share some of the answers here. Maybe you have some of the same questions.
I may start doing this as a regular feature and welcome your questions for future posts. You can email me or contact me through my website to ask what is on your mind. In the meantime, here are some of my answers: Continue reading
For years I was a single mom. My son and I would consider bean burritos at Taco Bell a big night out. I learned to be thrifty out of necessity and now that I am in my 60’s and still wanting to save money for my future, those lessons continue to serve me well.
Some might say I’m cheap, but others like minimalists, extreme couponers, or the guy who writes the blog: Things I Find in the Trash, might think I live extravagantly. I feel like I have found a nice balance between enjoying life and protecting my finances at the same time. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have the same money fears that plague most of us. Continue reading
My son started celebrating Christmas early this year, trying to convince people to “Get Their Christmas On” long before Thanksgiving. At first I thought he was crazy, but then I could see how happy he became with this new focus on the holidays and their meaning. Continue reading
I do not have the benefit of family nearby to spend my Thanksgiving with, but don’t feel bad for me. I have a nice long visit with my loved ones coming up. I also have invitations for breakfast and dinners with other Thanksgiving misfits. And, sometimes I choose to spend this special holiday alone as a restful, self-nurturing day.
Whatever my day looks like, there are a couple Thanksgiving practices I never miss that fill my heart and feed my soul. I feel more grounded in the meaning of the holiday because of them. You might enjoy them, too. Continue reading
I’m still adjusting to my new small town life in Missouri. One of the things that still has me spinning is the whole shopping thing. Just when I thought I had it figured out and was settling in, fall weather came. And, I heard winter is on it’s way too.
My intention is to stock up and have what I need from the local city before Thanksgiving to avoid going there during the holiday craziness. Columbia is 30 to 40 minutes away, depending on what part of town you are going to. I’m trying to shop local as much as possible, but there are some things that are either not available or cost much higher here. Continue reading
We can feel driven by our clocks, calendars, and the expectations of others. Even more so by the expectations we have of ourselves.
I don’t know about you, but when I get caught up in this full on “doing” mode, I find that I miss out on the little special moments of my days. When the day comes to an end I may have a long list of wins, but did I really live? Was I fully present with and enjoying what was before me?
There are times when driving ourselves feels good or necessary, but it shouldn’t be our only way of being.
I love achieving goals, but I also crave feeling peaceful and being in touch with magical moments that show up each day.
The following ideas can support you in bringing more balance to how you use time and a sense of grace to your days.
Focus On Your Priorities: It’s easy to get distracted by working hard on the wrong things. Get clear about your values and most meaningful goals. These are what you should be focusing on. If you are spending time on something that is not working, try something else. It’s important to be intentional about how you use your valuable time and life energy.
Watch Out for Time Wasters: For me, it can be checking email or Facebook and then letting something I see sidetrack me. Time wasters can be things you just fall into, people who don’t respect your time, or choices you make influenced by underlying fears and other things that want to keep you stuck. If you find yourself spending too much time off track, return your focus to your intended goal.
Do Little Things with Great Love: Stay present to whatever you are doing. Even mundane activities can bring joy when you focus on their meditative quality. Every moment and every task has it’s own beauty. When you slow down enough to appreciate them your work can be more fulfilling.
Develop the Art of Puttering: Every once in awhile, especially if I have been too caught up in getting things done, I set aside a day for puttering. Puttering is the art of flowing gracefully from one thing to another as they come up naturally. I follow my whims. And, I usually get more things done than I do on those days when I am pushing. At the end of the day I feel at peace and grateful for how much I accomplished without even trying.
Don’t Make It Hard: If I had a dime for every time I told myself something was going to be hard I would be rich. Most of the time the things I was resisting turned out to not be hard at all. I spent more time in the uncomfortable resistance than it took to actually get the thing done. Beware of thoughts or words that make things seem difficult or challenging and if you are really courageous, eliminate the word “hard” from your vocabulary completely.
Give Yourself a Break: Lately, my favorite break is Squirrel Time. I step away from my work to sit on the porch and feed squirrels. They amuse me, warm my heart, and connect me with nature. Other breaks might include going for a walk, stretching, having a snack, dancing, or reading. Science says that our minds and bodies are more efficient when we give them regular breaks. I know they work for me.
Feed Your Engine: You will be more efficient in how you use your time when your mind and body are able to operate at their fullest potential. This means that eating healthy, taking breaks, exercise, and all those common sense things you know you should do will help you be more effective in the long run.
Having a healthy relationship with time is all about balance. You can push yourself at times, but not all the time. It is important to allow space in your days to observe special moments and let your work flow with natural focus instead of forcing things. When you do, you will limit stress, feel more peace within, and still get things done. And that, is a good thing.
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All images:© 2017 Linda Luke
I took a morning walk between rainstorms. The plants were all smiling as the water dripped from their leaves. The air was fresh and clear. I was smiling too. Continue reading
When people find out I moved from Southern California to a small town in Missouri, they seem surprised that anyone would want to do that. And then they start to look amused and ask how my transition is going. They know that I am a fish out of water, a stranger in a strange land, and am sure to be a source of silly entertainment as I learn to navigate this new world.
And, they are right. I’ve done some silly things and I’m learning a lot.
My new life in this small southern town is not better or worse, it’s just different. Here are some of the things I have noticed:
There are no lines – not at the post office, the grocery store, city office, or restaurants. I can’t seem to find one anywhere.
Speed limits are really, really slow – I thought I would have trouble keeping to the 20 to 35 mph speed limits in town until I realized there are so many stop signs that you never get up to speed anyway. A few days ago I was with someone who got pulled over for going 33 mph. That would never happen in CA.
The crime rate is low – most of the posts on the police department Facebook page are about pets that have been found.
My weather app is my new best friend – you never know what the day will bring. I now check the weather every day and have alerts set for severe thunder storms and tornadoes.
If I don’t go to the high school football game, I can hear the play by play at my house – in small towns you always live near the high school.
But, I enjoy going to high school football games – mostly because I am with my family, but the rest is fun too.
It’s hard for a vegetarian to eat out – I always say I can eat anywhere, even in a town where biscuits and gravy with eggs and bacon are considered a healthy breakfast. What I have discovered though is that they cook everything on the same grill, so when I order pancakes they taste like bacon. I doubt there is much sensitivity toward vegetarians here.
Shopping and errands require strategic planning – the local city with “regular” stores is about a half hour away. I intend to shop local when I can, but still haven’t quite figured out how to plan the city trips well and make them efficient.
My yard is full of wild life (and bugs) – birds, rabbits, and squirrels are a part of my everyday life now and at night I get to listen to cicadas and watch lightening bugs flash across the lawn. My cats love watching out the windows, especially the antics of Seymour, the squirrel that lives in my front yard tree.
Mosquitoes love CA blood – it must be a delicacy around here.
The trash men will pick up anything – you just set it out by the street and it’s gone. Maybe only my CA readers will understand how strange this seems.
There are a wide variety of accepted forms of transportation – it is not unusual to see people going down the street in golf carts or riding lawn mowers or tractors.
Customer service is a priority – everyone seems eager to help. I think I disappointed (or maybe insulted) someone the other day when I insisted I could carry my own bag of groceries out.
People are friendly – almost everyone says “hi” and I feel very welcome, but deep down I think they are just watching me carefully to see how I am going to do and if I will stick around.
And, that is okay. Because I WILL learn, adapt, and stick around, I also know that I have a lot to offer and will be able to serve this community in some way. I just haven’t figured out how I want to do that yet.
If you are looking to make a change in your life and would like the support of a Professional Life Coach, I would love to hear from you. Contact Me
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My First 7 Months After Moving to a Small Town in Missouri
My son and daughter-in-law’s van after the storm
Just when I thought my transition from Southern California to a small town in Missouri was moving along gracefully, Mother Nature sent a welcome committee to test my commitment.
We were hit by a storm with 70 mph winds while I was still unpacking. It was the worst storm in decades and left most of our town (including me) without power for a couple days.
Sounds bad, right?
Not as much as you would think. There was a moment when I was standing in the middle of the street after hearing some of my roof shingles were found in someone’s yard and felt totally lost. My cell phone was not working. My landline, wifi, and everything in my home was electric and had no juice. I didn’t know what to do.
But, not for long.
A man I had never met before offered to help. He borrowed a tarp from one of my neighbors and nailed it to my roof. I had a rescuer. Can’t remember that ever happening to me before. A few days later he came back and replaced the shingles and wouldn’t even let me pay him for the work.
I was impressed with how quickly people came together to help each other. Chain saws were in action within minutes of the storm passing and every one worked together without regard to who owned what tree or property.
People here are resilient. And, I learned I am too.
Without electricity I couldn’t cook, get water from my refrigerator, boil tap water if needed, and my new tankless hot water heater didn’t work. Someone showed up at my door with a case of bottled water, which was a blessing since the stores were shut down. But mostly, I simply did what needed to be done.
I felt calm and capable, like the rest of the people in this town.
My search for wifi the second day so I could work was fruitless, so I let go of my attachment to getting work done. When something like this storm happens, you do what you can and accept what you can’t. I guess the serenity prayer would work well in times like these.
You might be surprised to hear that I am grateful for the experience of this storm. I now have a sense of how well I can adapt and accept situations outside of my control. I also learned who my neighbors really are. No one complained. They just took action. And, I am proud to live in a place where people take pride in their town and come together in times of need.
Photo of my son’s car at the top was taken by my daughter-in-law, Alexis Hudson.
Video is courtesy of Centralia Fireside Guard
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My friend Traci and I drove from California to Missouri with 2 cats in the back seat of my car. We took I-15 and then I-70 straight across the country, joking that it would be less likely we got lost with such a direct route.
We experienced California deserts, the glitz of Las Vegas, a tiny tip of Arizona, the dramatic red rock of Utah, majestic beauty in the Colorado Rocky mountains, the big sky of Kansas, and finally arrived in Missouri on the third day.
We were in awe of the scenery before us and even experienced a sunrise that brought us to tears.
Common themes in our conversations were:
Looking back at the photographs I took it is hard to believe I was actually there. Even though the photos were taken through the car window and the quality is questionable, they still bring back those magical moments.
I would like to share a few with you: (All images:© 2017 Linda Luke)
Now just imagine the colors brighter and clearer, because they were.
Can you believe I was actually there? I saw these miracles with my own eyes?
I feel so humbled and blessed.
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Scenes from a Small Town Morning Walk
All images:© 2017 Linda Luke
The Shipping Cube with What I Decided to Take
While preparing for my move to Missouri, I decided to sell or give away more than 1/2 of my stuff. For some people this may not have been a big deal, but I lived simply and didn’t have much to begin with.
It was interesting observing how my thoughts about the things in my life shifted as my move date neared. It seemed to come in layers:
The Garage Sale – At this point I was still invested in the value of my things. After all, I was going to sell stuff and get money in return. I felt like I was being bold in my choices of what to include, not realizing this was only the beginning.
The Remains – When the garage sale was over I was faced with leftover items that I still thought were worth selling. I was very uncomfortable with the idea of just leaving things that I could get money for. This started a period of offering items in my city Facebook group and Craigslist. Some sold. Some didn’t.
Giving – And then, I just let the attachments go. This opened the door to my favorite part of the process, giving things away. And, not just little things. I would go through my house each day and find more and more stuff to give. I fell in love with giving and it made it much easier to release what I owned. It was also a lot of fun.
Leaving – The buyer of my house had said that I could leave things and didn’t have to clean the house. At first, the idea of doing this was appalling to me. But, when the 100 degree heat wave arrived on my last week, I could only do so much. Packing and loading under the blistering sun was getting to me and making me dizzy. So, when I said goodbye to my house, there were still some things left behind. I feel sure they will find good homes. Everything I was taking to my new life was packed into a 6′ by 7′ pod to be shipped to my new home.
Wanting Less – As I am unpacking and settling into my new home I am being very careful about what I invite in. Surprisingly, I will have even more to give away. Some things just don’t fit my new home or life. Maybe living without them for a couple weeks diminished their importance in my mind. Whatever the reason, they feel like clutter and I just don’t want them anymore.
Balancing with More – I love simplicity, but am not sure I am a minimalist. I have made some purchases recently for my new lifestyle, a new washer and dryer and yard maintenance items like a weed wacker. I also plan on bringing in a new sofa that fits with the colors in my new home. What is different is that I am being very careful about what I bring in. I only want things that I use regularly or love. And, I don’t want very many of them.
Moving provided me with the opportunity for a fresh start. I have empty closets and cupboards with only a few items. Everything is organized and makes sense. (Well, almost everything. I haven’t got to the office yet.) I even have an extra bedroom that I don’t know what I will do with. The one thing I’m sure of is that it won’t become a junk room full of stuff.
My experience of letting go has revealed how tightly I held onto stuff that really wasn’t that meaningful to me. I was also attached to the idea of getting a return on what I thought was valuable. It was only when I let go and began to give things away that I felt truly authentic, peaceful, and was able to have fun with the process.
Even without a lot (although I had more than I thought) I was being smothered and controlled by my things. In the simple living movement about 20 years ago there was a slogan that said, “Don’t Stuffocate!” I think I get it now.
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All images:© 2017 Linda Luke
Linda and Traci after two 10 hour days of driving.
I’ve been quiet. Very quiet. And, I have also been very, very busy.
It has been several weeks since I last posted and I keep waiting for the words to come, but my brain seems to be busy synthesizing all the changes I have experienced. I think it needs time to catch up with my life.
So, maybe I will just start writing and see what happens.
In the last month or so I’ve made a lot of changes, including:
Yep! I’ve been busy. This was a courageous step for me and I couldn’t be happier.
Stay tuned. There is more to come…
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Am I crazy?!?
I seem to have somehow turned my life upside down in the last few weeks. Totally topsy turvy. It’s been completely insane, and maybe I am too.
My grandchildren, son, and daughter-in-law have settled in to small town life in Missouri. I miss them terribly and thought I would end up there at some point, but always felt anchored to this place where I was born and have lived my life for almost 62 years.
And then, three things happened within a few weeks:
It seemed as if God was giving me plenty of signs that leaving CA was the right thing to do.
The next week I was in MO for my grandson’s graduation and it was a rollercoaster ride of looking at houses, making big decisions, offers that were too late, looking for rental options when none existed, and a last minute opportunity that I made an offer on.
A few days later I cancelled escrow on the house when the inspection revealed some serious issues I was not comfortable with.
I might be leaving, but my fear of becoming homeless was getting stronger and stronger.
But, that same night I negotiated a deal on a “for sale by owner” property I liked, but felt was overpriced. I was back in escrow again.
This is a good move for me:
It’s all good.
And now, I enter a season of goodbyes. To people, communities, my hikes in the hills, places I love, and half of my possessions. I can live with that because soon it will be a season of hello’s as I make new friends, find my place in a new community, explore the area, and build a home sanctuary. Thanks to email and social media I can stay connected to all.
I will always love California. It’s in my blood. I’t’s just time for a new adventure.
Goodbye sweet California. I will miss you.
House image: © 2017 Linda Luke