Life challenges of any size can cause us to be reactive and clutter our mind with dis-empowering thoughts. Sometimes, we feel like we can’t even think at all, even though these are the most important times to see things clearly and respond wisely.
The following steps are ones I created for my clients and myself to focus on when we face life challenges. They have worked well for us and I hope they will prove valuable for you, too. Continue reading
We are happiest when our lives are in alignment with our core values. Living this way nurtures what is most meaningful to us and allows us to feel more peaceful, grounded, and fulfilled. Anything that conflicts with our values will create more stress and dissonance in our lives. Continue reading
Life gets rough at times. You may be experiencing personal challenges, surrounded by negative people, or inundated with bad news, but that doesn’t mean you need to let it get you down.
As I write this, our country and our world are full of conflict. People against people. Religion against religion. And, politics as a free for all. It breaks my heart that words like “hatred” are part of our everyday news. It’s hard to stay positive with so much ugliness going on. Continue reading
Imagine being a child again and going to the world’s biggest playground. There is an unlimited supply of high flying swings, exhilarating slides, and magical merry go rounds. Everything you could possibly want is in front of you.
Our minds are just like that playground.
One of my clients the other day was experiencing a lot of regret for how a past relationship ended. She felt guilty that she hadn’t tried harder and hurt the other person involved. The guilt she felt was eating her up from the inside out and impacting how she approached her current relationship, possibly putting it at risk. Continue reading
I don’t think anyone gets out of this life without times when they feel low on energy, high on stress, or just not ready to face the world. The good news is that you don’t have to let a bad mood control or disempower you. At least, not before trying these Bad Mood Busters: Continue reading
Do you believe in magic? What about magic words?
I know I do, because I have witnessed how our words can either empower us or keep us stuck.
Even when we remove the obvious ones from our vocabulary like can’t, won’t, don’t, should, or shouldn’t, there are other sneaky ways our language can limit us. Continue reading
I have always been a nervous person. This may surprise some of you, because I have worked hard on it and usually seem pretty easy going and calm. But, it’s true.
One of the things that scares me the most is people. Other human beings.
Kind of crazy, isn’t it? Continue reading
One day in my class as a student of spiritual psychology at USM, a teacher asked if anyone in the room of about 300 people was feeling tired or depressed. A surprising number of people raised their hands.
One of them, a young woman, shared that she had felt depressed for a long time and had very little energy. She agreed to participate in an experiment that could help her feel better. Continue reading
Some of my clients are shorter than me, but only because they are kids. We talk about things like developing their own code of honor, strategies for school, and family issues. I’m often surprised though, about the level of worry and anxiety they are experiencing at such a young age and am grateful I can help them.
Coaching kids can be rewarding and fun. They are curious, engaged, and open to new ideas. They also challenge me to keep things simple and create metaphors that help them remember.
It occurred to me that we adults can benefit from these simple metaphors and perspectives, too. So, here is my child’s version of talking about worry and the fear it creates. Continue reading
We all have emotional responses in life that do not serve us well.
Each of these manifest as energy in our bodies and one of the ways to relieve the pressure they create is to vent. Anger can be released by doing something physical like running or hitting a pillow. Pain and fear respond well to free form writing, talking it out, or release exercises.
But, there is an even greater opportunity available to you.
You could:
Instead of letting it get TO YOU, find a way to use it for good and make it work FOR YOU. Turn it into something that feels both inspiring and meaningful.
When you do, your entire life can be transformed.
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I am not sure what got into me, but something surely did. It all started with a little chocolate heart in a store checkout line. That led to macaroni and cheese (lots of it) and a giant piece of cake that made my stomach hurt. The next day, I found myself eating an entire bag of Trader Joe’s Cheetos. My snacking was out of control, and I was feeling disconnected from my true self.
What I needed was an intervention and I needed one quickly. That’s when I decided to just STOP. This little method can really help prevent over eating and unconscious snacking. Continue reading
Every year about this time I revisit The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. Some years I even lead classes about them. They are simple, yet powerful tools that can help you:
We can feel driven by our clocks, calendars, and the expectations of others. Even more so by the expectations we have of ourselves.
I don’t know about you, but when I get caught up in this full on “doing” mode, I find that I miss out on the little special moments of my days. When the day comes to an end I may have a long list of wins, but did I really live? Was I fully present with and enjoying what was before me?
There are times when driving ourselves feels good or necessary, but it shouldn’t be our only way of being.
I love achieving goals, but I also crave feeling peaceful and being in touch with magical moments that show up each day.
The following ideas can support you in bringing more balance to how you use time and a sense of grace to your days.
Focus On Your Priorities: It’s easy to get distracted by working hard on the wrong things. Get clear about your values and most meaningful goals. These are what you should be focusing on. If you are spending time on something that is not working, try something else. It’s important to be intentional about how you use your valuable time and life energy.
Watch Out for Time Wasters: For me, it can be checking email or Facebook and then letting something I see sidetrack me. Time wasters can be things you just fall into, people who don’t respect your time, or choices you make influenced by underlying fears and other things that want to keep you stuck. If you find yourself spending too much time off track, return your focus to your intended goal.
Do Little Things with Great Love: Stay present to whatever you are doing. Even mundane activities can bring joy when you focus on their meditative quality. Every moment and every task has it’s own beauty. When you slow down enough to appreciate them your work can be more fulfilling.
Develop the Art of Puttering: Every once in awhile, especially if I have been too caught up in getting things done, I set aside a day for puttering. Puttering is the art of flowing gracefully from one thing to another as they come up naturally. I follow my whims. And, I usually get more things done than I do on those days when I am pushing. At the end of the day I feel at peace and grateful for how much I accomplished without even trying.
Don’t Make It Hard: If I had a dime for every time I told myself something was going to be hard I would be rich. Most of the time the things I was resisting turned out to not be hard at all. I spent more time in the uncomfortable resistance than it took to actually get the thing done. Beware of thoughts or words that make things seem difficult or challenging and if you are really courageous, eliminate the word “hard” from your vocabulary completely.
Give Yourself a Break: Lately, my favorite break is Squirrel Time. I step away from my work to sit on the porch and feed squirrels. They amuse me, warm my heart, and connect me with nature. Other breaks might include going for a walk, stretching, having a snack, dancing, or reading. Science says that our minds and bodies are more efficient when we give them regular breaks. I know they work for me.
Feed Your Engine: You will be more efficient in how you use your time when your mind and body are able to operate at their fullest potential. This means that eating healthy, taking breaks, exercise, and all those common sense things you know you should do will help you be more effective in the long run.
Having a healthy relationship with time is all about balance. You can push yourself at times, but not all the time. It is important to allow space in your days to observe special moments and let your work flow with natural focus instead of forcing things. When you do, you will limit stress, feel more peace within, and still get things done. And that, is a good thing.
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I recently was a guest on a radio show and was a little nervous about it. So, I wrote up a few notes and set them in front of me as the interview started. What happened next was a little strange. My left eye became blurry and I couldn’t read. My notes were useless and I knew I had to “wing it”. I was definitely out of my comfort zone and fear started telling me to run.
When comfort zones are stretched, fear will start chattering about staying safe. “Don’t do that. They may not like you. It’s too big a risk. Why put yourself out there? I can keep you safe if you don’t do it.”
If we let that voice of fear control us, we stay stuck and play small. Without building new skills and meeting new people we miss out on the possibilities before us and will eventually regret not living our lives fully.
Comfort zones are flexible and meant to grow. I knew this in that moment before my radio interview and even though I felt like running, I faced my fear, stayed calm, and did it anyway. Here is how you can too.
Recognize fear for what it is. Your fears want to keep you safe, but they are often over reactive. They were installed when you were younger and less able to take care of yourself. So, when you are afraid of meeting someone new the risk may be low, but your fear is still operating from the point of view of the 5 year old who was made fun of at school.
Fear doesn’t realize you have grown and developed new skills. It is a gut reaction that wants to protect you at all costs. Even if that protection hurts you in other ways.
Breathe deeply, and relax your face, neck, and shoulders.
Focus on other people or being of service. Take your mind off yourself and make the experience about the other people involved. How can you make them more comfortable? What can you ask them about themselves? How can you leave the situation better than it was when you entered it? Fear is self-absorbed and focusing on other things can help shift you out of it.
Trust your inner self and speak from the heart. This is what I did on that radio show when I couldn’t read my notes. I had to answer from my heart and experience. By doing so, my interview was much more powerful than it would have been if I had used the notes. Trust yourself. You have everything you need inside of you.
Look for humor in the situation. When you look through an observer’s fly on the wall perspective things can seem quite amusing. Funny things happen when you stretch your comfort zone…
I remember being nervous about speaking before a group of people I didn’t know. When I went to the restroom before going on stage the water from the sink splashed over the front of my pants leaving very obvious water spots. For a moment, I just wanted to escape, but instead I went on stage and the first thing I did was make a joke about being attacked by their sink. It was a great ice breaker and the presentation went over well.
Humor can help you and the people around you feel lighter in stressful situations.
Make friends with your fear. Fear is not your enemy. It only wants what is best for you. It’s just a little over protective. So, have a conversation with it. Thank it for warning you. Let it know you’ve got things covered. And, ask it to help you in another way, like standing in the wings and cheering you on. You might be surprised how well it listens.
If fear is keeping you locked into your comfort zone and you would like the support of a professional life coach, I would love to talk to you. You can connect with me here.
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We have a lot of potential upsets in our lives, big and small. Some we can move through gracefully and others that keep us stuck. Like walking through glue.
There is a quick and easy solution to getting over these upsets. All you have to do is choose to use it.
It goes like this…
What is BAM?
It’s short for BLESS IT AND MOVE ON. This doesn’t necessarily mean physically leaving a situation. You can BAM a disagreement with your husband and not get a divorce.
It’s a mental process of giving yourself permission to let it go, leave it in God’s hands, and spend your precious life energy on things that matter more.
You can BAM situations, memories, people, habits, thought patterns, and anything that upsets you.
Maybe everything is BAM-able.
You get the idea. BLESS IT AND MOVE ON!
So, I’m curious. What other ways can you use BAM in your life? I bet you have some creative ideas and I would love to hear them. Please share your ideas by commenting below.
If you are interested in hiring a professional coach to help you resolve what is not working in your life, improve your relationship with yourself, or create something new, I would love to support you. Let’s schedule a phone call. Contact Linda
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There are some people…
You know what I mean. They don’t do or say what you think they should and sometimes people get hurt. Maybe even you. It could be a spouse, relative, politician, or someone you work with who upsets you. Just thinking about them makes your stomach clench, your body tighten, and your heart rate go up.
They make your life miserable.
Or, do they?
When someone upsets you, it is important to remember three things:
Who is Responsible for What: Everyone is responsible for their own behavior. It’s between them and God. You do not have to be in the middle.What you are responsible for is your reaction. You get to choose how you respond and feel in any situation. This is good news, because the point of power for healing and shifting is within you.
There is a Reason They Do What They Do: Behavior patterns often come from our histories. Someone who talks a lot may not have felt heard as a child. A person who puts others down, likely feels unworthy. And, people with more passive characteristics may have felt a need to hide. Being aware that people are the way they are for a reason can help you feel more compassionate and diminish your reactions to them.
Everyone Deserves a Blessing: We all have different journeys in this adventure called life. Some are not as pretty as others. My clients who live in the South joke that you can say anything about someone as long as you follow it with – “God bless her soul”. My radical idea is to think those very words about the people who upset you the most. Just bless them. And if you need to, move on.
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Friday Favorites: Healing Depression, Feeling Unstoppable, and More
This is Joey, my little scaredy cat. He is on constant high alert and can disappear at the speed of light, running to his safety zone under my bed. His latest scary thing is the air coming from the vents when the air conditioner comes on.
Recently, I noticed that his anxiety was getting worse. He was spending entire days under the bed and had a constant look of panic when he was downstairs. It was breaking my heart.
So, I decided to immerse him in love therapy. Every chance I had, I would pet and love on him. He took to it well and soon he was following me around everywhere I went and I was totally covered in cat fur 24 hours a day. His confidence grew. His anxiety dissipated. And, he became an active member of the family again.
I have heard that fear is the opposite of love. So, is it also possible that love is the antidote to being fearful?
What would happen if we learned to focus on loving ourselves through our scary experiences? Love the experiences? And, even love fear itself?
It wouldn’t hurt to try. Shall we?
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As a coach, I hear a lot of people talking about trying to figure out what their life purpose is. For many, not feeling they know it is a source of great angst and leaves them feeling like they are living their lives all wrong. They feel guilty and ashamed that they are not doing this one great thing because they can’t figure it out. And, that makes them feel like a failure
My clients are often surprised when I share my thoughts on life purpose with them.
I believe it’s okay to play with purpose, but not let seeking it rule you. You can take quizzes and read books that help you connect with your values, natural gifts and what you enjoy, but that doesn’t always lead to knowing your purpose in this world.
You may also hear that if you just do what you love, you will be living on purpose. Supposedly, money will follow, but I am not so sure it always works out that way. Sometimes we need to do things we don’t love to take care of ourselves and loved ones.
I’m not usually a naysayer, but I’ve seen people get obsessed with this idea of purpose and shame themselves if they think they are not in alignment with it.
There is a more peaceful way.
Realize that your life purpose is not always a big, grand thing. It could be a series of little tiny moments where you start a butterfly effect without even knowing. It could be within arms reach within your family or the work you are already doing. Or, it could be a simple smile you give someone that lifts them up to do what they are meant to do in the world.
Don’t let this idea of purpose keep you stuck or control you. If you don’t have a sense of it, just live your life consciously. Follow your heart and intuition with each small decision you make and eventually you will end up in the right place.
Actually, I believe you are already there.
Seeking purpose takes you out of your life and present moments. It can distract you from the things that are most meaningful and cause you to overlook the very thing you are looking for.
It’s not big, its simple. Purpose is about living a life of alignment and making choices based on your inner knowing. It’s not something you seek. It is always there guiding you from within. And, you don’t need to know it’s name, shape, or form.
It’s time to take the pressure off and just live in a way that feels meaningful. You are always on purpose whether you know it or not.
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I was going through some books this morning that I have gathered over the years and came across one by Sarah Ban Breathnach called, Simple Abundance. I let the pages fall open where they would and saw this:
“When we cherish our dream and invest love, creative energy, perseverance, and passion for ourselves, we will achieve authentic success.”
Well said, Sarah.
This lovely book is based on her 6 principles of simple abundance:
Just saying them brings peace to my heart.
I think I am going to spend some time with this book again. Apparently, it still has more to teach me.