Not too long ago I found myself staring at my computer screen trying to come up with a password for a new account. My brain was clearly taking a break. Continue reading
Author: Linda Luke
Slow Down to Get More Done
My weekly schedule has it’s own little routine. I generally have the same clients, meetings, and things to accomplish along with some time allotted for projects. And yet, sometimes I struggle to get it all done, while other weeks flow with ease. Why is that?
I have noticed an interesting pattern. There have been times when my energy was low and I told my friend (who is also the person I share my daily wins with) that I was going to slow down, give myself a break and just putter through the day.
What happened was always surprising.
I would feel relaxed, peaceful, centered and still get more done than on the days when I hit the ground running.
When I slowed down, I accomplished more. It felt good, too.
Now, the trick is to remember and embrace this art of puttering through my days. And, share what I have learned with you so that you can try a slow down puttering day too.
Try These Bedtime Practices for a Peaceful Night’s Sleep
Over the years, I have learned the value of having a bedtime ritual. There is something very comforting and calming about doing similar things every night to close out the day.
Bedtime practices also support being able to fall asleep and have a peaceful night’s rest. When I release the stress of the day my subconscious is free to work on my challenges and questions for me while I sleep, often bringing new answers with the morning.
Here are some bedtime ritual ideas you may want to try: Continue reading
How I am Surviving a Crisis
My little 3 year old cat Joey is very sick. He almost died. And, still could.
Being totally human, I went off the deep end with worry. I created stories about terrible outcomes and took his fear and upset personally, especially when he seemed to not trust me anymore. It broke my heart. Continue reading
Where to Begin When You Feel Challenged in Multiple Areas of Your Life
When my latest new client first called she was overwhelmed and feeling challenged throughout her life and felt paralyzed. She had no idea where to begin. Her marriage was troubled, her job was stressful, she was very busy taking care of other people, and her physical health was declining.
When I asked her how this made her feel, she described feeling exhausted, ashamed, and depressed. Can you relate?
I think she was surprised when I suggested she start by pulling in and taking care of herself. (She was hoping the first step would be making her husband change.)
I shared with her that when we face multiple challenges, it is important to start at the core. This is where we have the greatest influence and can start a pattern of success. For most of us, this core is about self-care and self-nurturing.
When your life feels like a mess, practice the art of pulling in. Start with yourself. You are the center of your life and all that happens in it.
Your body is one of your most precious assets and an excellent place to begin your journey. Nurturing your body into health will help you feel stronger, more confident, and energized.
It is from this place that you will be able to connect with the empowered wisdom that will support you in the rest of your life.
This is the path that my client is taking. Her commitment to making her health a priority is already supporting her both physically and mentally. She has more energy and feels more positive. I am supporting her as she works through her life challenges and love witnessing her new confidence in being able to create the life she wants.
Whenever you feel overwhelmed, remember that it all begins with you. Pull in and take care of yourself. When you create a foundation of health and well-being, the rest will start to fall into place.
If you would like support in moving through challenges, navigating transitions, or creating a more fulfilling life, I would love to help.
Simply go to the “contact me” page and request a free consultation.
Image by Cristian Newman – Unsplash
Rocks: A Story of Finding Beauty on the Other Side of Resistance
When I first moved into my house I felt sure one of the first things I would do would be remove the landscaping rocks that filled the planting areas. I envisioned soft, rich earth I could dig my hands into and a yard filled with home grown vegetables and beautiful plants and flowers.
When spring came that first year, I was fired up and ready to get rid of the rocks. I started digging, but soon discovered they were everywhere and had infiltrated deep into the soil. I gave up after digging down a couple feet and finding no end to them. The next year, with a renewed sense of motivation, I tried again. This time, I dug as deep as 3 feet in one area only to find the soil was still full of rocks.
I started to hate those rocks and may have even said a few four letter words, which is very unusual for me.
The third year, I decided to stop resisting and simply accept them. I even bought more rocks to replenish areas where they had grown thin on top. Potted plants and succulents became my new garden style.
And then, something strange happened.
While out on my morning walks, I started to be drawn to rocks along the path. I was intrigued by their shapes and felt compelled to take some of them home. I didn’t understand what was going on, but trusted my instincts.
One day, I sat down with the pile of rocks I had gathered and started balancing them on each other. I became mesmerized by their shapes and how they fit together in magical ways. The results were both interesting and beautiful. I had come full circle. Instead of resisting rocks, I now loved them.
Because of this experience, when I find myself resisting something, I remember the potential for beauty and transformation that can come when I let the resistance go.
And, because it can happen for me, I know it can happen for you, too. Are you willing to let go of resistance and find out what magic is waiting on the other side?
This was first posted on my old blog in 2014 as part of a blog challenge about teachable moments.
Photo: rock sculptures in my yard All images:© 2017 Linda Luke
Too Busy? It’s Time to Spring Clean Your Schedule
One of the common concerns that my clients talk about is not having enough time. They are working very hard and feeling very, very busy. We often discover that they are operating in a time warp that is not based in reality.
Here is a process that will help you evaluate your relationship with time and begin to use it wisely:
1. Start by exploring and writing down what you value most in life. Common core values include things like family, success, happiness, service, inner peace, religious beliefs, or love. (Contact me if you would like a free list of sample values to work with.)
2. Make a list of all of the things that you spend time on or that call for your attention. (Appointments, meetings, things you do for your children, work, connecting with others, playing on Facebook, watching TV, organizations you belong to, housework, and more) When it feels complete, take a moment to look over your list. How does it make you feel?
3. Now, for the fun part. Cross off everything on the list. Everything! (Do it in a way that you can still see what was written beneath.) You do not “have to” do any of these things. Take a moment to absorb this. It’s a clean sweep. There is nothing left on your schedule or to do list.
4. Set an intention for creating a stress-free schedule that will serve you and your life.
5. Create a new list that only includes things that are in alignment with your values and supports the life you want to create. Be careful not to add everything back. This is your priority list. Everything else is an option to plug in only if it feels meaningful, is in alignment, and you have plenty of time. There is one exception. If you have not included time for yourself on the list, please add it now.
6. Double check the list for illusions like the ones below:
- Keeping you and your children busy with multiple after school activities may seem in alignment with your family values, but could really be limiting your special times together.
- Spending a lot of time working on a website or marketing in social media may seem like a necessary use of your time, but it could be preventing you from getting out and connecting with potential clients.
7. Review your new list. It should be much, much shorter than the original and feel in alignment with who you are and what you want. It should feel more peaceful and leave space for spontaneity and magic.
8. Plug your new list into your schedule.
Now, doesn’t that feel better?
Don’t forget to leave a comment. I would love to hear from you.
OOPS! Being Not So Impeccable with My Word
One of my intentions for this year is to be impeccable with my word. I borrowed the phrase from Don Miguel Ruiz because he uses it in a comprehensive way. To me, it means:
- Telling the truth to myself and others
- Avoiding negative thought patterns
- Keeping my word to others
- Keeping my word to myself (even harder)
- Using my words honorably, which means avoiding gossip, complaining, etc.
Well, I kind of slipped. There was a situation in my life that was upsetting me. When I spoke with the person I chose to confide in, even though I was only sharing the truth, it felt like complaining. Maybe, even whining.
The tone of my voice grated on my nerves, and probably on the nerves of my friend, too. The real problem is that the story kept running circles in my head creating an endless loop of negativity. My mood and attitude spiraled downward.
Fortunately, I was able to catch myself and shift my thinking. And now, I have renewed my commitment to this intention of impeccability with the words I think and speak.
It feels so good.
For those of you who are curious, this intention was inspired by the book, “The Four Agreements”, by Don Miguel Ruiz.
Gratitude, Hearts, Rocks & Inspiration from a Friend
Heart rocks found on my walks.
My friend, Mariette, is a connoisseur of gratitude. She also has an affinity for hearts and rocks, and she combines these three loves in a way that I find very inspiring.
She started looking for heart shapes and finding them everywhere. Under the sea, in the sky, hidden in tree branches, and of course, in rocks. And, every one became a sign that inspired her gratitude.
After hearing her talk about this for a while, I started noticing heart shapes on my morning walks. It was contagious! I began to look for them every day and each one lifted my mood and warmed my heart. They felt like signs of support from the universe.
Over time I could tell my daily practice of honoring these heart-shaped messages was creating a shift within me. I felt more peaceful, happy, and full of gratitude. Now, when I am having a rough day, I know that just seeing a heart shape can make me smile.
So, thank you, Mariette, for this gift.
And, for the rest of you, I encourage you to give this a try. It’s like free therapy!
You can learn more about Mariette’s work with gratitude here:
Gratitude Rocks Facebook group
Stop Fighting Your Negative Thoughts and Do This Instead
You know that negative thoughts are unhealthy. Dangerous too. They keep you spinning in a false world so that you miss your real life. They re-wire your brain and personality. Steal your hope. And, energetically set you up for making them come true.
After awhile, negative thinking becomes a habit, maybe even an addiction.
When you decide you want to change, you label these thoughts as bad. You judge them. Resist them. Fight with them. And, this battle only feeds them more.
And then, you judge yourself. Or, just give up.
There is another way. A more loving way.
Simply return to the present moment and align your head with your heart.
This is how you do it:
- Take a deep breath.
- Bring to mind something that warms your heart, like a loved one, cute puppy, baby, or something you are grateful for. Focus on it. Feel it. Savor it.
- Repeat as necessary.
At first you may need to repeat this often, but eventually it becomes your new habit.
A few tips:
- Using the same image for something that warms your heart each time creates an anchor to the present moment and an eventual short cut to get there.
- If negative thoughts try to interrupt the process, don’t resist them. Just let them gently float away.
- Be gentle and loving with yourself as you create this new way of being
Aligning your head and heart in the present moment opens the door to true internal peace and personal power.
What could be better than that?
Clear Your Mind and Heart with Free-Form Writing
One of the tools I use often and recommend to my clients is a free form style of writing that is like venting on paper. You simply take paper and pen and start writing about what is concerning you.
No rules. No editing. You can let the four letter words fly!
This stream of consciousness writing style is a powerful tool for processing the energy of feeling hurt, angry, or fearful. It brings clarity out of confusion and is a great vehicle for brainstorming.
My clients and I have had some pretty incredible experiences with this tool. One of them happened to me just the other day.
As I was writing about a challenge in my life, the pen I was using started to run out of ink. My writing was getting fainter and fainter, seeming to take the issue away with it. I laughed to myself about the hidden message I was receiving and went to find a new pen. When I came back to my journal, I realized that I felt clear and ready to write a new, more empowering story.
You never know what is going to happen when writing from your heart and soul.
Confusion, emotions, and conflict can block you from seeing the truth and opportunities before you. Free-form writing allows you to process what you are feeling and clear out the static in your mind and heart. It is from this place of inner freedom that answers begin to appear and we can create whole-hearted lives.
From Clutter to Clarity – A Client Story
My client Carol came to me for support with some big decisions to be made with her upcoming retirement. She felt unclear and overwhelmed as to what to do.
The situation became even more interesting when during our first call she described her life as “itchy”. I hadn’t heard that one before, so I asked her to tell me more. She shared that her home felt like a burden instead of a sanctuary, volunteer work and other obligations were filling up her time, and she didn’t feel like there was space for her in her own life.
No wonder she was having trouble making decisions.
Carol was surprised when I shared that external clutter (things, people, or activities) could be contributing to her feeling of being overwhelmed and blocking the clarity she needed to find her answers. I could tell that she was doubtful at first, but something inside of her knew it felt right.
So, we created a plan to simplify her life.
We began with a journey through the things she owned. While her house was neat and well organized, she had a lot of stuff. Each week she cleared out an area and sent me before and after pictures. Her goal was to only keep what was meaningful, beautiful, or used on a regular basis.
After experiencing how great it felt to clear out the first areas, Carol became motivated and moved quickly through her home. Some areas were easy and others a little more challenging. Going through her photographs brought back joyous memories and also facilitated healing around the death of her husband.
Before moving on to other areas of her life, we clarified her core values and personal intentions.
This gave her guideposts she could use as she reviewed her calendar and the people in her life. She was surprised to see how many people were draining her energy and how many things she did out of a sense of obligation. She started making changes.
Carol says that simplifying her external life gave her that space she craved for herself.
Clearing the clutter brought a sense of peace and clarity into her life. The answers to her decisions became clearer and clearer as she made space for them to come through.
She decided to sell her larger home and continue her journey of living simply in a smaller space. Her time is focused on her grandchildren and re-connecting with her love of painting. She feels like this process of right sizing her life has allowed her to be happy and live whole-heartedly for the first time.
Most people don’t realize that feelings of being overwhelmed, stuck, or indecisive can be related to their physical space. Clutter is a symptom that can show up in both your environment and your mind. Clearing one often helps the other. So, if you are feeling stuck with a decision or project, check your space. Taking a few moments to de-clutter may be just what you need.
You don’t have to wait until you are challenged. You can de-clutter your life now as a preventive measure and start experiencing that same peace, calm, and clarity that Carol found.
Cleaning out your junk drawer has just become your new therapy.
If you would like support in resolving a challenge or creating a better life, please feel free to contact me for a consultation. I would love to talk to you.
Thank you Carol for allowing me to share your story.
A Not So Graceful Moment in Kitten Rescue
I had been holding back on adopting another animal since my Smoky went to kitty heaven. Not sure why, but it just hadn’t felt right yet. In the meantime, my house had been too quiet (and clean), so I started to consider fostering homeless cats for Pet Smart charities. I did this years ago and came away from it with lots of pictures and stories as well as a sense of satisfaction that I had made a difference in the lives of some very special animals.
So, I went to the Pet Smart store just to check it out and somehow came home with three little grey kittens to foster – Joey, Chloe, and Phoebe.
I thought it would be a breeze. Silly me. We were all traumatized within the first half hour.
My idea of starting them in the downstairs bathroom went haywire when one of them ran into the laundry room and behind the dryer. I grabbed a flash light to check on her and realized it was possible that her head was stuck under the gas line. The dryer couldn’t’ be pulled out much, so I climbed on top and reached and reached, but I have very short arms and didn’t get anywhere near her . There was only one thing to do.
I dove head first behind the dryer with my feet straight up in the air. I was able to get hold of the nape of the kitten’s neck, discovering that she was fine and not stuck at all. That’s when I realized my predicament. I couldn’t get back up.
I was stuck!
I was upside down, behind the dryer, hanging on to a kitten, and wondering if the neighbors would hear me if I called for help. Probably not. My only choice was to try and squirm and shimmy my way out, which I eventually did. I am so grateful there was no one with a video camera in the house, even if they would have rescued me.
As I type this a couple days later, there are three adorable kittens looking out my screen door, enjoying the sun and breeze. I wonder how many more adventures and stories we will create together before they get their forever homes.
Note: Please consider adopting or fostering a homeless animal. Our animal companions enrich our lives and fill them with love. There are wonderful pets out there living in cages or being euthanized every day. One of them may be the next great love of your life.
Note 2: One of my clients asked me to re-post this. I think she just likes picturing me being stuck behind the dryer when I give her homework. It was first posted in my old blog in October 2012. I kept little Chloe (Warrior Princess) and her brother Joey (Scaredy Cat). They are almost 3 years old and have truly blessed my life. They are in the picture above with Chloe in the back.
What about you? Have you ever adopted a homeless animal? Please feel free to share your stories in the comments section. I would love to see them.
Feeling Scattered or Overwhelmed? Try This…
We all have a lot going on in our lives and it is easy to get caught up in it. The result may be feeling overwhelmed or like pieces of you are scattered all around. Some of my clients describe feeling drained, not fully present, or just stressed about all they are trying to do.
The following visualization has supported many of my clients in returning to a more peaceful and empowered state. I hope it supports you, as well.
- Find a quiet, peaceful place (if possible)
- Take a few deep breaths, allowing yourself to come into a relaxed state
- Visualize pieces of yourself scattered around you and maybe even at a distance
- Form an intention to draw them back in and become whole again
- Breathe in deeply and as you breathe in visualize the scattered parts returning to you
- Sit quietly for a few minutes breathing in and out and enjoying the feeling of wholeness
28 Ways to Be Your Own Valentine
Whether you are in a relationship or not, you deserve some special time for loving self-care. When you take the time to nurture yourself, you will be more loving with those around you. It all begins with you. And, if you are like most of us, you have been neglecting yourself way too long.
Take some time this Valentine’s Day month for you. Only you. Do something that feeds your soul, lifts you up, or gives you a sense of peace. Remember that you are the most important person in your life, and you deserve to be nurtured and loved.
How? I asked my some of my clients and friends about their favorite self-nurturing activities and this is what they came up with:
- Buy yourself flowers
- Play with art or crafts
- Have a technology free day
- Soak in a bubble bath surrounded by candlelight
- Get a massage, facial, or mani/pedi
- Spend the day in your most comfortable pajamas
- Journal about the blessings in your life
- Treat yourself to your favorite chocolate
- Read a good book or watch a funny movie (or 2, or 3, or all day long)
- Go for a walk in nature
- Make yourself your favorite comfort food or bring home a great take out meal
- Visit a museum, art gallery, or zoo
- Lay on your back and watch clouds or stargaze
- Hire a photographer to do a professional portrait celebrating you
- Meditate
- Set a formal dinner table for yourself, including candlelight and flowers
- Color in a coloring book
- Enjoy a sunrise or sunset
- Do yoga
- Snuggle with a pet
- Sit quietly and listen to music you love
- Daydream
- Go out into the garden and get your hands dirty
- Float in a pool
- Write a loving letter to yourself
- Spend time sitting on the beach
- Go for coffee and a treat at your favorite café
- Take a class or go to an event that will inspire you
Whatever you choose to do, remember that you are your own Best Valentine and treat yourself accordingly.
Do you have any self-nurturing practices not listed here? I would love to hear about them. You can share by leaving a comment below.
Coupons, Discounts, and Shopping Zombie Syndrome
I admit it. Last Sunday I found myself spending 3 hours of my life at Kohls, all because of a 30% off coupon burning a hole in my pocket. It wasn’t that I needed anything. I was just looking for something to buy so I could feel good about getting a discount. And, I wasn’t alone. I ran into friends there doing the same thing.
These stores have it down to a science. They do research and stuff to figure out how to pull us in. And, it works.
When I checked out, tired and frustrated from trying on lots of clothes that made me look fat, the sweet young man pointed out that I spent about $20, and saved $75. He looked at me like I was the smartest person in the world. And then, for some unknown reason, he gave me a $10 off coupon that can only be used next week. I just wanted to kick him.
It’s not only advertising and stores we need to look out for. There are endless ways we can become shopping zombies.
I have a client who came to me because she felt stressed and dissatisfied with her life. She had set goals to make friends in her new community and felt more people were falling away than sticking around. In our first conversation, I noticed the word Groupon came up a lot.
She thought she could use Groupon opportunities to meet new people and make friends. What really happened was that she became so busy with her special offers she didn’t have time for the new people in her life. When deadlines approached her stress levels would rise and she would find herself canceling time with new friends to use her expiring discounts. Eventually, they gave up on her as she fell deeper and deeper into Groupon addiction without even realizing what was happening.
How are we to live within our means and in alignment with our values when we are being constantly programmed to become shopping zombies?
Staying tuned in to your highest self, what you value most, and your financial goals will serve you well. Chances are, it’s not shiny new objects you really want, but something deeper and more meaningful. This focus on values will support you in making conscious choices and putting shopping strategies in place, like the following ones that have worked for my clients:
- Read your intentions and goals before going to the store.
- Create a list and stick to it.
- Rate what you want on a scale of 1 to 10. If it is not an 8 or above, don’t get it.
- Walk away and sleep on it. Chances are you won’t want it as much the next day.
- Avoid malls and online shopping sites.
- Ask yourself if what you want will bring meaning to your life or fulfill a current need?
- Set a time limit for being in the store.
- Give yourself a set amount of cash each month and don’t use your credit cards.
- Put a note on your credit card reminding you of your goals.
- Learn to say “no” to your children. Spending money does not equal love.
- Don’t live in scarcity. Plan for small treats.
- Freeze your credit card
- Create a 30 day wait list for things you think you want to buy
- Know what you have. You may already own something that is similar or will work.
Shopping is not a bad thing unless you are spending more than you earn or stepping out of alignment with your goals and values.
We all deserve something new once in a while. But, when you get that guilty feeling in the pit of your stomach or like me, find yourself wasting entire afternoons looking for something to buy, chances are you are experiencing Shopping Zombie Syndrome and it’s time to come alive again.
I would love to hear what shopping strategies you use. Please feel free to share by commenting below.
How to Tell When It is Time to End a Friendship
People are like elevators. Some lift you up. Some take you down. And, some keep you trapped in a little box, unable to move at all.
When you consider that the people you surround yourself with influence how you feel and live your life, there are times when it makes sense to hit the emergency button and get off the elevator. This doesn’t mean that you become reactive and ruthlessly start cutting people out of your life. We all have ups and downs and no one is perfect
So, how do you know when it’s really time to let someone go? Start by asking yourself these questions:
- Is there a long term pattern of negative behavior or worldview, or is this person going through a challenging time that is temporary?
- Is your perception of this person or their behavior even true or could it be seen differently?
- Are you contributing to the situation by jumping in to the negativity with them? If so, what might happen if you shifted your behavior?
- Are they a part of a group or family that you value and want to stay connected to?
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how much is their negativity impacting you?
Once you have a deeper understanding of the situation, listen within. What is your heart telling you? The answers will be there.
And then, your choices become more clear:
- Keep things as they are
- Limit your exposure to their energy
- Have a powerful conversation asking for change
- Shift your behavior to see what happens
- Visualize being protected by a white light when you are around them
- Bless them and move on
Only you can decide whether to stay on their elevator or get off. Whatever you choose, I encourage you to let your actions and communication be guided by compassion and love for all concerned (including yourself). This will provide the best possible foundation for an outcome that serves everyone in the long run.
8 Telltale Signs Someone is Lying to You
When someone lies to you they are more likely to:
- Touch their face or scratch their nose
- Blink more often than usual
- Avoid eye contact
- Smile only with their mouth
- Seem uncomfortable with pauses in conversation and jump in to fill the gap
- Provide more information than they are asked for
- Look relieved when the subject changes
- Have closed body language like crossed arms or have something between you
Activate Your Goals with Accountability
Over the years, I have participated in many success oriented programs. One of my favorite things about these adventures was being assigned an accountability buddy. I found myself more engaged and committed to the process because of these partnerships and many of the people I was paired with are still my friends today.
Studies have repeatedly shown that you are more likely to achieve your goals when accountable to others. Knowing you are going to report your progress to someone else will motivate you to get things done. Another key benefit is that your wins will be recognized and acknowledged by the other person. This reinforces how good it feels to take positive action and keeps you moving forward.
Some people choose to create accountability by making an announcement of their goals or intentions. Posting your weight loss goals on Facebook or making a commitment before a group like AA are great examples of how this works.
Last week, I posted my intentions for how I want to be and what I am going to focus on this year. When the emails started pouring in, I became nervous. Did I really say that out loud? To the whole world through my blog? And then, the feeling shifted to a sense of peace. I now have all of you watching me and providing support and accountability for my heartfelt dream. How cool is that?
Whether your goals are large or small, having someone hold you to your commitments and dreams will increase the possibility of your success. I encourage you to find a friend, group, or coach you can trust to support you with accountability. When you make that commitment, the magic can begin.
You will not only create forward momentum and success, but you will also be increasing your levels of self-trust, self-confidence, and self-esteem.
What could be better than that?
Celebrating 2014 – A Year End Process
The end of the year is a perfect time to honor the blessings that came our way and acknowledge ourselves for all we have achieved. Because human nature is to focus on what is not working, we often minimize what went well or special moments along the way. I encourage you to review your year with open eyes and an open heart. You might be surprised what you see…
Year End Process
- Create quiet time and space so that you can focus without interruption
- Set a clear and positive intention for your process
Write your answers for the following:
- List your wins and accomplishments for the year (at least 50)
- Write about what you learned from the challenges you faced
- What are you proud of yourself for?
- What are you grateful for?
- What do you want to take away from this year and integrate in the future?
- What issues, mistakes, habits, or beliefs are you willing to let go of at year’s end?
- Anything else that feels meaningful to include
Take time to celebrate all the year has brought and all you have learned. Acknowledge yourself for your wonderful moments and your days of being fully human. Bringing a sense of completion to this year will open the door to even more amazing possibilities in the year ahead.