All images:© 2017 Linda Luke
I took a morning walk between rainstorms. The plants were all smiling as the water dripped from their leaves. The air was fresh and clear. I was smiling too. Continue reading
Author: Linda Luke
How to Recover Quickly When Something Upsets You
We have a lot of potential upsets in our lives, big and small. Some we can move through gracefully and others that keep us stuck. Like walking through glue.
There is a quick and easy solution to getting over these upsets. All you have to do is choose to use it.
It goes like this…
- Notice when you get stuck in upset-ness.
- When it happens, decide if it is worth staying in that feeling or not.
- If not, BAM it!
- Turn your thoughts to something else.
What is BAM?
It’s short for BLESS IT AND MOVE ON. This doesn’t necessarily mean physically leaving a situation. You can BAM a disagreement with your husband and not get a divorce.
It’s a mental process of giving yourself permission to let it go, leave it in God’s hands, and spend your precious life energy on things that matter more.
You can BAM situations, memories, people, habits, thought patterns, and anything that upsets you.
Maybe everything is BAM-able.
- If someone cuts you off on the road – BAM!
- When your mind is spinning with negative thoughts – BAM!
- You can’t seem to resolve a disagreement – BAM!
- When your past seems to control your present – BAM!
You get the idea. BLESS IT AND MOVE ON!
So, I’m curious. What other ways can you use BAM in your life? I bet you have some creative ideas and I would love to hear them. Please share your ideas by commenting below.
If you are interested in hiring a professional coach to help you resolve what is not working in your life, improve your relationship with yourself, or create something new, I would love to support you. Let’s schedule a phone call. Contact Linda
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How to Get Back on Track After Falling Into Inertia
Living the Small Town Life
When people find out I moved from Southern California to a small town in Missouri, they seem surprised that anyone would want to do that. And then they start to look amused and ask how my transition is going. They know that I am a fish out of water, a stranger in a strange land, and am sure to be a source of silly entertainment as I learn to navigate this new world.
And, they are right. I’ve done some silly things and I’m learning a lot.
My new life in this small southern town is not better or worse, it’s just different. Here are some of the things I have noticed:
There are no lines – not at the post office, the grocery store, city office, or restaurants. I can’t seem to find one anywhere.
Speed limits are really, really slow – I thought I would have trouble keeping to the 20 to 35 mph speed limits in town until I realized there are so many stop signs that you never get up to speed anyway. A few days ago I was with someone who got pulled over for going 33 mph. That would never happen in CA.
The crime rate is low – most of the posts on the police department Facebook page are about pets that have been found.
My weather app is my new best friend – you never know what the day will bring. I now check the weather every day and have alerts set for severe thunder storms and tornadoes.
If I don’t go to the high school football game, I can hear the play by play at my house – in small towns you always live near the high school.
But, I enjoy going to high school football games – mostly because I am with my family, but the rest is fun too.
It’s hard for a vegetarian to eat out – I always say I can eat anywhere, even in a town where biscuits and gravy with eggs and bacon are considered a healthy breakfast. What I have discovered though is that they cook everything on the same grill, so when I order pancakes they taste like bacon. I doubt there is much sensitivity toward vegetarians here.
Shopping and errands require strategic planning – the local city with “regular” stores is about a half hour away. I intend to shop local when I can, but still haven’t quite figured out how to plan the city trips well and make them efficient.
My yard is full of wild life (and bugs) – birds, rabbits, and squirrels are a part of my everyday life now and at night I get to listen to cicadas and watch lightening bugs flash across the lawn. My cats love watching out the windows, especially the antics of Seymour, the squirrel that lives in my front yard tree.
Mosquitoes love CA blood – it must be a delicacy around here.
The trash men will pick up anything – you just set it out by the street and it’s gone. Maybe only my CA readers will understand how strange this seems.
There are a wide variety of accepted forms of transportation – it is not unusual to see people going down the street in golf carts or riding lawn mowers or tractors.
Customer service is a priority – everyone seems eager to help. I think I disappointed (or maybe insulted) someone the other day when I insisted I could carry my own bag of groceries out.
People are friendly – almost everyone says “hi” and I feel very welcome, but deep down I think they are just watching me carefully to see how I am going to do and if I will stick around.
And, that is okay. Because I WILL learn, adapt, and stick around, I also know that I have a lot to offer and will be able to serve this community in some way. I just haven’t figured out how I want to do that yet.
If you are looking to make a change in your life and would like the support of a Professional Life Coach, I would love to hear from you. Contact Me
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My First 7 Months After Moving to a Small Town in Missouri
When Someone Upsets You – Remember This
There are some people…
You know what I mean. They don’t do or say what you think they should and sometimes people get hurt. Maybe even you. It could be a spouse, relative, politician, or someone you work with who upsets you. Just thinking about them makes your stomach clench, your body tighten, and your heart rate go up.
They make your life miserable.
Or, do they?
When someone upsets you, it is important to remember three things:
Who is Responsible for What: Everyone is responsible for their own behavior. It’s between them and God. You do not have to be in the middle.What you are responsible for is your reaction. You get to choose how you respond and feel in any situation. This is good news, because the point of power for healing and shifting is within you.
There is a Reason They Do What They Do: Behavior patterns often come from our histories. Someone who talks a lot may not have felt heard as a child. A person who puts others down, likely feels unworthy. And, people with more passive characteristics may have felt a need to hide. Being aware that people are the way they are for a reason can help you feel more compassionate and diminish your reactions to them.
Everyone Deserves a Blessing: We all have different journeys in this adventure called life. Some are not as pretty as others. My clients who live in the South joke that you can say anything about someone as long as you follow it with – “God bless her soul”. My radical idea is to think those very words about the people who upset you the most. Just bless them. And if you need to, move on.
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Fear, Love & Scaredy-Cat Joey
This is Joey, my little scaredy cat. He is on constant high alert and can disappear at the speed of light, running to his safety zone under my bed. His latest scary thing is the air coming from the vents when the air conditioner comes on.
Recently, I noticed that his anxiety was getting worse. He was spending entire days under the bed and had a constant look of panic when he was downstairs. It was breaking my heart.
So, I decided to immerse him in love therapy. Every chance I had, I would pet and love on him. He took to it well and soon he was following me around everywhere I went and I was totally covered in cat fur 24 hours a day. His confidence grew. His anxiety dissipated. And, he became an active member of the family again.
I have heard that fear is the opposite of love. So, is it also possible that love is the antidote to being fearful?
What would happen if we learned to focus on loving ourselves through our scary experiences? Love the experiences? And, even love fear itself?
It wouldn’t hurt to try. Shall we?
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My First Big Storm in Small Town Missouri
My son and daughter-in-law’s van after the storm
Just when I thought my transition from Southern California to a small town in Missouri was moving along gracefully, Mother Nature sent a welcome committee to test my commitment.
We were hit by a storm with 70 mph winds while I was still unpacking. It was the worst storm in decades and left most of our town (including me) without power for a couple days.
Sounds bad, right?
Not as much as you would think. There was a moment when I was standing in the middle of the street after hearing some of my roof shingles were found in someone’s yard and felt totally lost. My cell phone was not working. My landline, wifi, and everything in my home was electric and had no juice. I didn’t know what to do.
But, not for long.
A man I had never met before offered to help. He borrowed a tarp from one of my neighbors and nailed it to my roof. I had a rescuer. Can’t remember that ever happening to me before. A few days later he came back and replaced the shingles and wouldn’t even let me pay him for the work.
I was impressed with how quickly people came together to help each other. Chain saws were in action within minutes of the storm passing and every one worked together without regard to who owned what tree or property.
People here are resilient. And, I learned I am too.
Without electricity I couldn’t cook, get water from my refrigerator, boil tap water if needed, and my new tankless hot water heater didn’t work. Someone showed up at my door with a case of bottled water, which was a blessing since the stores were shut down. But mostly, I simply did what needed to be done.
I felt calm and capable, like the rest of the people in this town.
My search for wifi the second day so I could work was fruitless, so I let go of my attachment to getting work done. When something like this storm happens, you do what you can and accept what you can’t. I guess the serenity prayer would work well in times like these.
You might be surprised to hear that I am grateful for the experience of this storm. I now have a sense of how well I can adapt and accept situations outside of my control. I also learned who my neighbors really are. No one complained. They just took action. And, I am proud to live in a place where people take pride in their town and come together in times of need.
Photo of my son’s car at the top was taken by my daughter-in-law, Alexis Hudson.
Video is courtesy of Centralia Fireside Guard
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Road Trip Magic – Moving Cross Country
My friend Traci and I drove from California to Missouri with 2 cats in the back seat of my car. We took I-15 and then I-70 straight across the country, joking that it would be less likely we got lost with such a direct route.
We experienced California deserts, the glitz of Las Vegas, a tiny tip of Arizona, the dramatic red rock of Utah, majestic beauty in the Colorado Rocky mountains, the big sky of Kansas, and finally arrived in Missouri on the third day.
We were in awe of the scenery before us and even experienced a sunrise that brought us to tears.
Common themes in our conversations were:
- Our country’s diverse and beautiful landscapes
- How God’s hand was clearly evident in what we were seeing
- Respect for the courage of pioneers who traveled through these lands
- How blessed we were to be experiencing it all
Looking back at the photographs I took it is hard to believe I was actually there. Even though the photos were taken through the car window and the quality is questionable, they still bring back those magical moments.
I would like to share a few with you: (All images:© 2017 Linda Luke)
Now just imagine the colors brighter and clearer, because they were.
Can you believe I was actually there? I saw these miracles with my own eyes?
I feel so humbled and blessed.
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All images:© 2017 Linda Luke
Letting Go of Stuff
The Shipping Cube with What I Decided to Take
While preparing for my move to Missouri, I decided to sell or give away more than 1/2 of my stuff. For some people this may not have been a big deal, but I lived simply and didn’t have much to begin with.
It was interesting observing how my thoughts about the things in my life shifted as my move date neared. It seemed to come in layers:
The Garage Sale – At this point I was still invested in the value of my things. After all, I was going to sell stuff and get money in return. I felt like I was being bold in my choices of what to include, not realizing this was only the beginning.
The Remains – When the garage sale was over I was faced with leftover items that I still thought were worth selling. I was very uncomfortable with the idea of just leaving things that I could get money for. This started a period of offering items in my city Facebook group and Craigslist. Some sold. Some didn’t.
Giving – And then, I just let the attachments go. This opened the door to my favorite part of the process, giving things away. And, not just little things. I would go through my house each day and find more and more stuff to give. I fell in love with giving and it made it much easier to release what I owned. It was also a lot of fun.
Leaving – The buyer of my house had said that I could leave things and didn’t have to clean the house. At first, the idea of doing this was appalling to me. But, when the 100 degree heat wave arrived on my last week, I could only do so much. Packing and loading under the blistering sun was getting to me and making me dizzy. So, when I said goodbye to my house, there were still some things left behind. I feel sure they will find good homes. Everything I was taking to my new life was packed into a 6′ by 7′ pod to be shipped to my new home.
Wanting Less – As I am unpacking and settling into my new home I am being very careful about what I invite in. Surprisingly, I will have even more to give away. Some things just don’t fit my new home or life. Maybe living without them for a couple weeks diminished their importance in my mind. Whatever the reason, they feel like clutter and I just don’t want them anymore.
Balancing with More – I love simplicity, but am not sure I am a minimalist. I have made some purchases recently for my new lifestyle, a new washer and dryer and yard maintenance items like a weed wacker. I also plan on bringing in a new sofa that fits with the colors in my new home. What is different is that I am being very careful about what I bring in. I only want things that I use regularly or love. And, I don’t want very many of them.
Moving provided me with the opportunity for a fresh start. I have empty closets and cupboards with only a few items. Everything is organized and makes sense. (Well, almost everything. I haven’t got to the office yet.) I even have an extra bedroom that I don’t know what I will do with. The one thing I’m sure of is that it won’t become a junk room full of stuff.
My experience of letting go has revealed how tightly I held onto stuff that really wasn’t that meaningful to me. I was also attached to the idea of getting a return on what I thought was valuable. It was only when I let go and began to give things away that I felt truly authentic, peaceful, and was able to have fun with the process.
Even without a lot (although I had more than I thought) I was being smothered and controlled by my things. In the simple living movement about 20 years ago there was a slogan that said, “Don’t Stuffocate!” I think I get it now.
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All images:© 2017 Linda Luke
So Many Changes I’m At a Loss for Words
Linda and Traci after two 10 hour days of driving.
I’ve been quiet. Very quiet. And, I have also been very, very busy.
It has been several weeks since I last posted and I keep waiting for the words to come, but my brain seems to be busy synthesizing all the changes I have experienced. I think it needs time to catch up with my life.
So, maybe I will just start writing and see what happens.
In the last month or so I’ve made a lot of changes, including:
- Sold my house in California
- Sold or given away more than 1/2 of my possessions
- Packed what was remaining in a moving pod in 111 degree heat
- Welcomed my friend Traci who flew in from Tennessee to drive cross country with me
- Road tripped with Traci from CA to Missouri with my 2 cats in the back seat of the car
- Worried about my stressed out kitten cats the entire way
- Experienced the incredible natural beauty of our country including red rock in Utah, mountain vistas in Colorado, and the big sky of Kansas
- Felt awe at the courage of the pioneers who crossed our country in tiny wagons, often on the same land we were traveling
- Felt tipsy and giggly after 2 sips of a Margarita on night two of our trip – it was Traci’s fault
- Drove up to my new little house in Missouri on the evening of day 3
- Was welcomed with wide open arms by my son, daughter-in-law, and three grandchildren
- Took Traci to the airport and cried as she left
- Started settling into my home
Yep! I’ve been busy. This was a courageous step for me and I couldn’t be happier.
Stay tuned. There is more to come…
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Leaving California & Moving to a Small Town in Missouri
Am I crazy?!?
I seem to have somehow turned my life upside down in the last few weeks. Totally topsy turvy. It’s been completely insane, and maybe I am too.
My grandchildren, son, and daughter-in-law have settled in to small town life in Missouri. I miss them terribly and thought I would end up there at some point, but always felt anchored to this place where I was born and have lived my life for almost 62 years.
And then, three things happened within a few weeks:
- My friend died. She had been trapped in a body she couldn’t move and unable to speak for years and being her friend through this process has been a long road. Now she is free of her earthly body and I found myself feeling kind of floaty with new empty space in my life.
- The University of Santa Monica (USM) discontinued it’s Master’s Program and I will no longer be needed as a volunteer. I have spent at least one weekend a month in this beloved environment since 2009 and will soon be grieving the loss of these special times and the amazing people I have had the privilege of working with.
- And then, just before I left for my grandson’s graduation in Missouri, I got a surprise cash offer on my house that was very, very tempting.
It seemed as if God was giving me plenty of signs that leaving CA was the right thing to do.
The next week I was in MO for my grandson’s graduation and it was a rollercoaster ride of looking at houses, making big decisions, offers that were too late, looking for rental options when none existed, and a last minute opportunity that I made an offer on.
A few days later I cancelled escrow on the house when the inspection revealed some serious issues I was not comfortable with.
I might be leaving, but my fear of becoming homeless was getting stronger and stronger.
But, that same night I negotiated a deal on a “for sale by owner” property I liked, but felt was overpriced. I was back in escrow again.
This is a good move for me:
- I will be near my family for the first time in years and get to enjoy time with my grandchildren
- My house will be mortgage free and my financial future more secure
- My business is portable since it is mostly online and by phone
- I feel like I really needed both a new adventure and a fresh start
- Life seems quieter and slower there, which may be just what I need
- The small town I am in is really cute and only a half hour away from a city that is regularly on the Best Places to Retire lists.
It’s all good.
And now, I enter a season of goodbyes. To people, communities, my hikes in the hills, places I love, and half of my possessions. I can live with that because soon it will be a season of hello’s as I make new friends, find my place in a new community, explore the area, and build a home sanctuary. Thanks to email and social media I can stay connected to all.
I will always love California. It’s in my blood. I’t’s just time for a new adventure.
Goodbye sweet California. I will miss you.
House image: © 2017 Linda Luke
Should You Be Seeking Your Life Purpose?
As a coach, I hear a lot of people talking about trying to figure out what their life purpose is. For many, not feeling they know it is a source of great angst and leaves them feeling like they are living their lives all wrong. They feel guilty and ashamed that they are not doing this one great thing because they can’t figure it out. And, that makes them feel like a failure
My clients are often surprised when I share my thoughts on life purpose with them.
I believe it’s okay to play with purpose, but not let seeking it rule you. You can take quizzes and read books that help you connect with your values, natural gifts and what you enjoy, but that doesn’t always lead to knowing your purpose in this world.
You may also hear that if you just do what you love, you will be living on purpose. Supposedly, money will follow, but I am not so sure it always works out that way. Sometimes we need to do things we don’t love to take care of ourselves and loved ones.
I’m not usually a naysayer, but I’ve seen people get obsessed with this idea of purpose and shame themselves if they think they are not in alignment with it.
There is a more peaceful way.
Realize that your life purpose is not always a big, grand thing. It could be a series of little tiny moments where you start a butterfly effect without even knowing. It could be within arms reach within your family or the work you are already doing. Or, it could be a simple smile you give someone that lifts them up to do what they are meant to do in the world.
Don’t let this idea of purpose keep you stuck or control you. If you don’t have a sense of it, just live your life consciously. Follow your heart and intuition with each small decision you make and eventually you will end up in the right place.
Actually, I believe you are already there.
Seeking purpose takes you out of your life and present moments. It can distract you from the things that are most meaningful and cause you to overlook the very thing you are looking for.
It’s not big, its simple. Purpose is about living a life of alignment and making choices based on your inner knowing. It’s not something you seek. It is always there guiding you from within. And, you don’t need to know it’s name, shape, or form.
It’s time to take the pressure off and just live in a way that feels meaningful. You are always on purpose whether you know it or not.
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Simple Abundance
I was going through some books this morning that I have gathered over the years and came across one by Sarah Ban Breathnach called, Simple Abundance. I let the pages fall open where they would and saw this:
“When we cherish our dream and invest love, creative energy, perseverance, and passion for ourselves, we will achieve authentic success.”
Well said, Sarah.
This lovely book is based on her 6 principles of simple abundance:
- Gratitude
- Simplicity
- Order
- Harmony
- Beauty
- Joy
Just saying them brings peace to my heart.
I think I am going to spend some time with this book again. Apparently, it still has more to teach me.
You Don’t Have to Be a Minimalist to Enjoy a Clutter Free Home
There are a lot of people feeling inspired to clear the clutter in their homes and lives right now. It’s a hot topic, and one that I can really get behind. I love living simply and creating a life that matters.
But, I wonder if some of the things being put out there can feel too rigid for some of you. Do they hold you back and prevent your getting started? Or, make you judge yourself as not doing enough?
I am in a number of Facebook Groups on minimalism, clutter, and simple living and sometimes I want to cringe when someone asks how to let go of things like their grandmother’s necklace or their childhood Bible. There is often a lot of encouragement from the group to give them away, but I sense that sometimes people are pushing themselves further than they want to go.
I am here to tell you there are no rules for releasing clutter. Clearing space and living simply will bring many gifts into your life, AND you get to do it your way.
Guidelines are great, having a supportive coach experienced in this area is wonderful, but ultimately you need to follow your heart and find the level of simplicity that is right for you. Sometimes people are ready to jump in fully and for others it may be a process of one layer at a time.
Before starting a de-cluttering process I encourage you to spend time becoming clear about your intention and the vision you have for your end result. This intention can guide and motivate you along the way. And, if you would like additional support, find a friend, coach, or professional organizer who will hold you to your vision in a gentle, caring way.
You CAN do this! Your home can become a sanctuary that is clean, organized, and full of light. And, you can do it your way. Just imagine what that will feel like…
If you would like the support of a professional coach who loves to help people create more simple and fulfilling lives, I would love to offer you a free consultation. Contact Linda
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Don’t forget to leave a comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.
The Blame Game: Are You Disempowering Yourself?
It is true that people do yucky things. And, there are probably times in your life when you were truly a victim, but it is what you do afterward that matters most.
When you let yourself fall into the trap of blaming others and believing that people or your environment have conspired against you, you are disempowering yourself and embracing the role of a victim.
Living as a victim can be very seductive because it is a great excuse. People won’t expect a lot from you. You can play small, avoid risks, and sometimes not even have to work as hard as everyone else. It may even feel good because you get sympathy or attract attention.
I know, because I spent years rehashing the many ways I was a victim as a child and young adult. I was an expert at playing the victim role. I took it on as my identity as if that was all I was and all I could ever be.
The truth is though, that when you play the blame game you limit yourself, play small, and give your power away. You will attract the wrong people and the wrong things into your life. And, you will know somewhere deep in your heart that you are not being your best self or living to your full potential.
Even when you are sure that someone took action against you, blaming is not the answer. Your true power is in forgiveness, accepting responsibility for your life, and moving forward into the life you were meant to live.
Don’t let blame become the center of your life. Delete blaming words from your vocabulary and focus instead on all you have to be grateful for. There are people loving and supporting you at this very moment. Why do you want to give your life over to those who don’t? Leave it behind. Move forward. And, know that you are so much more than whatever someone once did to you.
Don’t forget to leave a comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.
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When Forgiveness Feels Too Hard – Try This
Forgiveness is not always easy. Even when you know:
- It’s the right thing to do
- It will help you feel better and heal
- It’s purpose is to free you, not them
- It does not mean that what someone did to hurt you was okay
Sometimes your heart can be so broken or your anger so deep that you just aren’t ready to let it go.
And then, the judgment against yourself creeps in because you just don’t understand how others can do this noble forgiveness thing when it feels so impossible for you.
This is where I step in. I want you to know that it is okay to honor where you are at. You can’t force forgiveness and you don’t have to forgive in this moment. But, there is something you can do to take some of the heat out of what happened and create a bridge between you and the peace on the other side of forgiving.
Remember – It begins with remembering that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience and that means both you and the person who wronged you. You are souls. Children of God. And, this is part of your journey.
Understand – The person who wronged you has a history that brought them to the point of hurting you. What could have gone so wrong in their lives that they would do this? What do you know of them that could lead to understanding how this could happen?
Here’s a hint:
It usually boils down to fear, even if it looks like something else. Unless there is mental illness involved they are probably very afraid of being hurt themselves. Often what people project the loudest out into the world is exactly what they feel least inside. So, the manipulator may be afraid of being controlled. Bullies diminish others because they feel unworthy. And, the relationship enders or saboteurs may not feel lovable at the core.
Nurture Compassion – Use this understanding to let yourself start feeling compassion for the person who upset you. They are not all evil or bad. When you look through the eyes of their history you will likely see how they have been wronged or hurt or damaged. Can you feel sorry for what they went through? A yes means your compassion is coming through.
When you are able to move through this 3 step process, the peace of forgiveness is not far away. You can go there in your own time. It doesn’t have to be now. But, what you have done already has softened the hold this person had on you so that you can begin your own healing. Forgiveness will come when the time is right.
Quotes about forgiving.
A Process for Healing Bad Memories
The Blame Game: Are You Disempowering Yourself?
CONTACT ME if you would like professional support through a process of forgiveness for something that has happened in your life. I would love to help.
Don’t forget to leave a comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.
What It Feels Like to Become a Grandmother
Christopher, Thomas, and Becca
Nothing prepared me for what was going to happen when my first grandchild was born. Friends would get these mysterious smiles and say, “Just wait, it will be wonderful.” They seemed transformed when they became grandmothers, beaming brightly as they obsessively shared pictures of their new family members everywhere they went.
And they were right. Becoming a grandmother was wonderful. More than wonderful.
Even though my oldest grandson is in college now, the moment I first saw him is branded in my heart and mind forever.
Everything fell away in that moment and my heart opened beyond anything I could have imagined. I was experiencing a miracle of life and love.
No more guarding and protecting my heart. No more sitting on the sidelines. I was in! All in!
The same feelings came forward when his sister and brother were born, but that first time was like a shock to my system because I didn’t know I could love that freely and at such a deep level. I hadn’t realized how big my heart really was.
Don’t get me wrong – I love my son more than anything, but we were separated when he was born because he was premature and didn’t get to experience those first magical moments together. And then, the struggle of being a single parent kept me busy and my upbringing in a family that didn’t show affection held me back. So even though I loved him more than life itself, I didn’t have the skills or freedom to demonstrate it at the time.
That is why being a grandmother is different than being a mom. We are free to just love without the daily stress and worries. We can see things from a broader perspective supported by our years of experience and our only job is to be there fully for these new precious beings that come into our lives.
Our role as grandmothers is not to be taken lightly. We are there to listen deeply and support in a way that is not clouded by day to day family living. I made a point of spending one on one time with each grandchild and listening carefully to what they had to say. They often revealed things they had kept to themselves or their parents didn’t have time to hear. They had more uninterrupted space in which to be heard and knew that they would be loved, no matter what they said or did.
There is a moment I remember when my grandchildren were young that symbolizes for me what being a grandma is about.
As I walked into their house for a visit, they all ran over to hug me at the same time and ended up knocking me down onto the floor. Their parents were yelling at them to stop and I remember looking up and trying to figure out what was wrong. Because I was in heaven. Pure bliss. Wrestled to the floor with love.
And that is why women seem to be transformed when they become grandmothers. T
Those little magical creatures we call babies and grandchildren are more powerful than you can ever imagine. They break through our armor, heal our hearts, and open them beyond anything we imagined possible. . And, that is something I will forever be grateful for.
If you are a grandmother, you know what I mean.
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Please feel free to comment on this post. I would love to hear what you have to say about becoming a grandmother.
Two Little Words that Can Make or Break You
There are times when I hear myself or my clients or my friends say things like: I am confused. I am tired. I am sick. I am sad. I am overwhelmed. I bet you hear those words come out of your own mouth too.
Well, they simply aren’t true!
You may FEEL tired or sick or sad or whatever is going on at the time, but it is not who you are.
When you continuously reinforce those self-limiting labels by saying them over and over again, you program yourself into believing they are true.
So, use the words “I am” very carefully. They may be small, but carry incredible power.
And, if you want to know who you really are:
Sit in a quiet place with pen and paper and start writing, “I am …” Fill in the blank with whatever pops into your head. Keep writing until there is nothing left and you have reached the deepest truth. What most people find is that the first answers tend to be negative or superficial and the last connect with the more powerful spiritual truth of who they really are.
This exercise can be extremely grounding and also works well as a meditation where you simply say the words instead of writing them down. You may want to keep what you have written available for those times when you feel low and need to be reminded who you really are.
I am. You are.
You are not tired or overwhelmed.
You are wise. You are beautiful. You are powerful. You are love.
And, that is the truth!
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How to Discover and Prevent Hidden Money Leaks
Money is a touchy topic. Having money brings a sense of security and safety and allows us to keep up appearances so we feel more acceptable in the world around us. We can use it to look good and feel good, or even comfort ourselves when we are feeling low.
And yet, most of us feel some level of shame around it, even when we handle our money well.
Either we don’t feel we have enough or we judge ourselves for how we spend what we do have.
Feeling peaceful about money comes from using it in a way that is in alignment with your values and making conscious choices when you spend. It comes from finding the sweet spot between thrift and giving occasional gifts to yourself.
It is about discovering and preventing unconscious money leaks.
What usually happens though is that we get all fired up by someone’s expert marketing or something someone said and our mind convinces us that we “need” to buy things. Not necessarily big things. The little things add up too.
And in the end. we find ourselves with a lot of stuff we didn’t really need and probably don’t use.
How much could you have saved last year if you avoided these extra purchases? Let’s find out.
Get a notepad and pen and walk through your house listing everything you have purchased in the last year that:
- You don’t wear regularly
- Doesn’t bring value to your life
- Are not using
- You don’t really like
- Forgot you even bought it
- Didn’t live up to your expectations
- You could have gotten free, like books from the library
Look in your closets, drawers, and on your shelves. You might be surprised what you find. When you have your list, go through and estimate how much money you spent on each item and then total them up.
Shocking isn’t it? Keep in mind that this is meant to open your eyes to new opportunities for saving money and no self-judgment is allowed. Everyone has money leaks.
The first step to changing our habits is awareness and just imagine how much money you can save this year by shifting this pattern. Make a new commitment to using your money in ways that do not allow advertisers or the people next door to run your financial life.
What about the things you bought last year? They have become clutter and don’t belong in your home. Selling or donating them can help you anchor what you have learned and reinforce your new decision to play with money in a way that is in alignment with your values and goals.
If you would like the support of an experienced professional life coach to help you improve your relationship with money and take control of your finances contact me (Linda) to schedule a complimentary consultation.
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4 Ways to Attract and Keep Great Relationships
In my line of work as a Life Coach, I hear a lot about relationships. My clients want to know how to fix broken ones, sustain and grow good ones, and even how to attract them in the first place.
Relationships are a hot topic in the coaching world. At least with my clients they are.
Whether they be friends, family, or romantic partners, the quality of your relationships shape your life. Mutual caring and shared intentions can lift you up, while drama, lack of skill, and disrespect can make your days miserable.
You can’t necessarily change the people around you, but you can show up yourself in ways that honor your relationships and demonstrate how you want to be treated. When you set the bar, other people are more likely to live up to it.
So, here is what I suggest.
Be Yourself: You don’t want to be laying on your death bed surrounded by all the wrong people. And, the only way the right people who will love you for who you are will be able to find you is if you are authentically you. This can be scary. Real scary. Maybe one of the biggest risks you will ever take in your life. And yet, the risk is worth the blessings of a life filled with true love and friendship.
Be Fully Present – Put down the phone, stop watching TV and be with the ones you love. Really be with them. Give them the gift of looking them in the eye and listening deeply to what they have to say. Let them know they are a priority in your life. You may be surprised by all of the magical moments you experience that could have easily passed you by.
Keep Your Agreements – Seems obvious, doesn’t it? Yet, my clients talk about broken agreements all the time. Little agreements matter, too If you can’t keep one, let the other person know and renegotiate. It’s as simple as that.
Express Appreciation – In an earlier blog post I shared that I lost someone I loved without ever saying those three little words – I love you. I will always regret keeping those words to myself. Saying a simple thank you or letting the people in your life know how special they are to you is something that should happen daily. Believe me, you won’t regret it.
Practicing these principles will lead to relationships that honor everyone involved and that you will want to keep forever. It will be a blessing when you are in your final days to know that you are surrounded by the right people and that your relationships are rich with love and respect.
Don’t forget to leave a comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.
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How to Keep Your Goals and Resolutions Alive
We are a few weeks into the New Year which for many is when the excitement about goals starts to wear off and motivation falters.
How can you keep your goals and resolutions alive?
Stay connected to your emotional “why”:
Write about why your goal is important to you.
- What blessings will it bring to your life?
- What will it feel like when that happens?
- Who will you have become in the process?
- Why is it worth what it will take to get there?
Create a clear picture of why your goal is meaningful and keep what you have written at hand for those moments when you need to be reminded of how powerful your goal really is.
Keep your motivation high by taking a couple minutes each morning to visualize yourself in that moment when your goal becomes reality. See yourself smiling, laughing, and glowing with success. Fell the feelings of wonder, pride, and gratitude coming up inside of you. Staying connected to this visual and emotional vision will dramatically increase your possibility of success.
Prepare ahead for moments when you feel tempted to go rogue or get too stuck to move forward:
- Make a list of your goals, intentions, or resolutions
- For each one, list the things that could throw you off track
- Come up with one or two solutions for each of the challenges that might come up.
Now you have a plan ready to be implemented when needed.
Motivation can falter, but you can keep your goals alive with a strong commitment and tools like these. If you would like more tools, support, or accountability through coaching, please feel free to contact me. I can help.
Don’t forget to leave a comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.
You might also enjoy this related article by Leo Babauta at Zen Habits: Instead of Goals or Resolutions, Try Creating Rules