We are all likely to be experiencing some level of grief today. The loss of jobs, relationships, and way of life due to Covid-19 can all bring deep sadness.
Many of the people I talk to have also recently lost friends or loved ones and are struggling with how to master the art of grieving. The death of someone we love is probably the deepest level of grief we can experience.
I know because I’ve been there.
When I was 22 I was a young single mom who had fallen deeply in love. Gary was successful, giving, energetic, loving and quite charismatic. He loved my son who was about 3 at the time and they were almost inseparable. Gary was very patient as he helped me heal from a traumatic relationship and I felt sure we would be together forever. Silly me.
One night I got a call at work that he had been killed in an accident. It was immediately apparent I was not handling it well because I left a pot burning on the stove at the office and then got lost on the way home. I was a mess.
At the funeral I collapsed to the ground when I saw his casket with the flag on top and his friends had to carry me in to the church. After that, it was too painful to see anyone, so I just took my son and disappeared. We never saw any of those friends again.
It took me 3 years of just putting one foot in front of the other until I started to come to life again. I feel so bad for my son growing up with a mother damaged by a prior abusive relationship and then shut down by grief. But, we both survived those years and now have lives that are full of blessings.
You can’t rush grief. It’s different than being sad or depressed. You might be able to stall it for awhile, but it will always be inside you, weighing you down, until it has an opportunity to emerge and have it’s way with you.
My heart is sad for the people I know who are grieving now and I wish I had a magic solution that would take it away. But, I don’t. And so, I tell them this:
It’s best to let yourself feel and process the feelings as they come instead of letting them stay stuck inside of you.
Grief comes in waves and they will eventually get smaller and farther apart.
The most important thing is to love and be gentle with yourself through the grieving process.
You may also want to consider some of the following ways to support yourself during this painful time:
- Journal
- Pray
- Talk to the loved one you lost
- Write them a letter
- Dedicate something in their honor
- Write the story of your relationship
- Do something soulfully creative
- Try a grief group, but don’t stay too long
- Stay active
- Spend time with friends and family
- Start a gratitude practice
- Practice extreme self-care
If you are unable to function for more than a couple weeks or feel the need for support, get it. Find a trusted friend or professional to help you get your footing again.
For all of you who have lost a loved one, my heart goes out to you.
For all of you who are experiencing some level of pain due to the effects of Covid-19 on your lives, my heart goes out to you.
To all of you who are experiencing pain due to any loss, my heart goes out to you.
I am sending you all my love and my prayers.
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I am sorry to hear of your trials but happy to see you become such a positive and strong person from it. Not only that, you are trying to help others deal with it too – more power to you Linda. I am sure your son is proud of you and loves you for being this strong positive person that you come across through your blog! 🙂
Thank you. We all experience challenges, most with hidden gifts.