I recently came across this wonderful quote by Wayne Muller:
“Your challenge is not to keep trying to repair what was damaged, your practice instead is to re-awaken what is already wise, strong, and whole within you, to cultivate those qualities of heart and spirit that are available to you in this very moment.” Continue reading
I don’t think anyone gets out of this life without times when they feel low on energy, high on stress, or just not ready to face the world. The good news is that you don’t have to let a bad mood control or disempower you. At least, not before trying these Bad Mood Busters: Continue reading
When you experience challenges in your primary relationship it can impact all areas of your life, including the people around you. Building up resentment only makes you hyper-reactive and clouds your perspective.
So, when your relationship is feeling “off”, use these Principles for a Great Relationship to return to the foundation of love and partnership that will make your life feel blessed. Continue reading
Do you believe in magic? What about magic words?
I know I do, because I have witnessed how our words can either empower us or keep us stuck.
Even when we remove the obvious ones from our vocabulary like can’t, won’t, don’t, should, or shouldn’t, there are other sneaky ways our language can limit us. Continue reading
One day in my class as a student of spiritual psychology at USM, a teacher asked if anyone in the room of about 300 people was feeling tired or depressed. A surprising number of people raised their hands.
One of them, a young woman, shared that she had felt depressed for a long time and had very little energy. She agreed to participate in an experiment that could help her feel better. Continue reading
It’s Friday and I have some more favorites to share. Things like healing depression, supporting a hurting friend, and feeling unstoppable. Information we can all use.
So, here goes: Continue reading
My Mom used to tell the story of when I was around three and kept asking for a “Toot –Toot” for Christmas. It took my parents quite a while, but they finally figured out that I wanted a corncob pipe so that I could be just like my cartoon hero Popeye. Continue reading
When I was 15 my family moved to a new neighborhood. For some reason my mom wasn’t happy. She was a good woman who was normally well liked, but while living there she developed contentious relationships with a couple of the neighbors.
Things got pretty ugly and as a typical teenager I felt embarrassed and became angry with my mom. Continue reading
Many of my clients when they first come to me lead chaotic lives. They are usually on the run, can’t find things when they need them, and often seem to live being tossed from one drama to the next. Their lives are full of anxiety, stress, and unhappiness.
When I suggest bringing a sense of order to their lives, they often resist. It’s too hard! They don’t have the time! And, they feel that if they slow down for a minute all the things they are juggling will fall at once. But, they trust me and usually give it a try, only to find that order brings them peace and allows them to be more effective in the end.
You don’t need to be stressed or anxious to benefit from bringing more order and harmony into your life. We can all appreciate the peace and contentment it brings. When we feel peaceful our lives flow more naturally and we gain a sense of freedom. Continue reading
If you are a human on planet Earth, you are probably spending a lot of time and energy on things that aren’t serving you well. Things like: Continue reading
When people find out I moved from Southern California to a small town in Missouri, they seem surprised that anyone would want to do that. And then they start to look amused and ask how my transition is going. They know that I am a fish out of water, a stranger in a strange land, and am sure to be a source of silly entertainment as I learn to navigate this new world.
And, they are right. I’ve done some silly things and I’m learning a lot.
My new life in this small southern town is not better or worse, it’s just different. Here are some of the things I have noticed:
There are no lines – not at the post office, the grocery store, city office, or restaurants. I can’t seem to find one anywhere.
Speed limits are really, really slow – I thought I would have trouble keeping to the 20 to 35 mph speed limits in town until I realized there are so many stop signs that you never get up to speed anyway. A few days ago I was with someone who got pulled over for going 33 mph. That would never happen in CA.
The crime rate is low – most of the posts on the police department Facebook page are about pets that have been found.
My weather app is my new best friend – you never know what the day will bring. I now check the weather every day and have alerts set for severe thunder storms and tornadoes.
If I don’t go to the high school football game, I can hear the play by play at my house – in small towns you always live near the high school.
But, I enjoy going to high school football games – mostly because I am with my family, but the rest is fun too.
It’s hard for a vegetarian to eat out – I always say I can eat anywhere, even in a town where biscuits and gravy with eggs and bacon are considered a healthy breakfast. What I have discovered though is that they cook everything on the same grill, so when I order pancakes they taste like bacon. I doubt there is much sensitivity toward vegetarians here.
Shopping and errands require strategic planning – the local city with “regular” stores is about a half hour away. I intend to shop local when I can, but still haven’t quite figured out how to plan the city trips well and make them efficient.
My yard is full of wild life (and bugs) – birds, rabbits, and squirrels are a part of my everyday life now and at night I get to listen to cicadas and watch lightening bugs flash across the lawn. My cats love watching out the windows, especially the antics of Seymour, the squirrel that lives in my front yard tree.
Mosquitoes love CA blood – it must be a delicacy around here.
The trash men will pick up anything – you just set it out by the street and it’s gone. Maybe only my CA readers will understand how strange this seems.
There are a wide variety of accepted forms of transportation – it is not unusual to see people going down the street in golf carts or riding lawn mowers or tractors.
Customer service is a priority – everyone seems eager to help. I think I disappointed (or maybe insulted) someone the other day when I insisted I could carry my own bag of groceries out.
People are friendly – almost everyone says “hi” and I feel very welcome, but deep down I think they are just watching me carefully to see how I am going to do and if I will stick around.
And, that is okay. Because I WILL learn, adapt, and stick around, I also know that I have a lot to offer and will be able to serve this community in some way. I just haven’t figured out how I want to do that yet.
If you are looking to make a change in your life and would like the support of a Professional Life Coach, I would love to hear from you. Contact Me
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My First 7 Months After Moving to a Small Town in Missouri
There are some people…
You know what I mean. They don’t do or say what you think they should and sometimes people get hurt. Maybe even you. It could be a spouse, relative, politician, or someone you work with who upsets you. Just thinking about them makes your stomach clench, your body tighten, and your heart rate go up.
They make your life miserable.
Or, do they?
When someone upsets you, it is important to remember three things:
Who is Responsible for What: Everyone is responsible for their own behavior. It’s between them and God. You do not have to be in the middle.What you are responsible for is your reaction. You get to choose how you respond and feel in any situation. This is good news, because the point of power for healing and shifting is within you.
There is a Reason They Do What They Do: Behavior patterns often come from our histories. Someone who talks a lot may not have felt heard as a child. A person who puts others down, likely feels unworthy. And, people with more passive characteristics may have felt a need to hide. Being aware that people are the way they are for a reason can help you feel more compassionate and diminish your reactions to them.
Everyone Deserves a Blessing: We all have different journeys in this adventure called life. Some are not as pretty as others. My clients who live in the South joke that you can say anything about someone as long as you follow it with – “God bless her soul”. My radical idea is to think those very words about the people who upset you the most. Just bless them. And if you need to, move on.
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My son and daughter-in-law’s van after the storm
Just when I thought my transition from Southern California to a small town in Missouri was moving along gracefully, Mother Nature sent a welcome committee to test my commitment.
We were hit by a storm with 70 mph winds while I was still unpacking. It was the worst storm in decades and left most of our town (including me) without power for a couple days.
Sounds bad, right?
Not as much as you would think. There was a moment when I was standing in the middle of the street after hearing some of my roof shingles were found in someone’s yard and felt totally lost. My cell phone was not working. My landline, wifi, and everything in my home was electric and had no juice. I didn’t know what to do.
But, not for long.
A man I had never met before offered to help. He borrowed a tarp from one of my neighbors and nailed it to my roof. I had a rescuer. Can’t remember that ever happening to me before. A few days later he came back and replaced the shingles and wouldn’t even let me pay him for the work.
I was impressed with how quickly people came together to help each other. Chain saws were in action within minutes of the storm passing and every one worked together without regard to who owned what tree or property.
People here are resilient. And, I learned I am too.
Without electricity I couldn’t cook, get water from my refrigerator, boil tap water if needed, and my new tankless hot water heater didn’t work. Someone showed up at my door with a case of bottled water, which was a blessing since the stores were shut down. But mostly, I simply did what needed to be done.
I felt calm and capable, like the rest of the people in this town.
My search for wifi the second day so I could work was fruitless, so I let go of my attachment to getting work done. When something like this storm happens, you do what you can and accept what you can’t. I guess the serenity prayer would work well in times like these.
You might be surprised to hear that I am grateful for the experience of this storm. I now have a sense of how well I can adapt and accept situations outside of my control. I also learned who my neighbors really are. No one complained. They just took action. And, I am proud to live in a place where people take pride in their town and come together in times of need.
Photo of my son’s car at the top was taken by my daughter-in-law, Alexis Hudson.
Video is courtesy of Centralia Fireside Guard
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As a coach, I hear a lot of people talking about trying to figure out what their life purpose is. For many, not feeling they know it is a source of great angst and leaves them feeling like they are living their lives all wrong. They feel guilty and ashamed that they are not doing this one great thing because they can’t figure it out. And, that makes them feel like a failure
My clients are often surprised when I share my thoughts on life purpose with them.
I believe it’s okay to play with purpose, but not let seeking it rule you. You can take quizzes and read books that help you connect with your values, natural gifts and what you enjoy, but that doesn’t always lead to knowing your purpose in this world.
You may also hear that if you just do what you love, you will be living on purpose. Supposedly, money will follow, but I am not so sure it always works out that way. Sometimes we need to do things we don’t love to take care of ourselves and loved ones.
I’m not usually a naysayer, but I’ve seen people get obsessed with this idea of purpose and shame themselves if they think they are not in alignment with it.
There is a more peaceful way.
Realize that your life purpose is not always a big, grand thing. It could be a series of little tiny moments where you start a butterfly effect without even knowing. It could be within arms reach within your family or the work you are already doing. Or, it could be a simple smile you give someone that lifts them up to do what they are meant to do in the world.
Don’t let this idea of purpose keep you stuck or control you. If you don’t have a sense of it, just live your life consciously. Follow your heart and intuition with each small decision you make and eventually you will end up in the right place.
Actually, I believe you are already there.
Seeking purpose takes you out of your life and present moments. It can distract you from the things that are most meaningful and cause you to overlook the very thing you are looking for.
It’s not big, its simple. Purpose is about living a life of alignment and making choices based on your inner knowing. It’s not something you seek. It is always there guiding you from within. And, you don’t need to know it’s name, shape, or form.
It’s time to take the pressure off and just live in a way that feels meaningful. You are always on purpose whether you know it or not.
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I was going through some books this morning that I have gathered over the years and came across one by Sarah Ban Breathnach called, Simple Abundance. I let the pages fall open where they would and saw this:
“When we cherish our dream and invest love, creative energy, perseverance, and passion for ourselves, we will achieve authentic success.”
Well said, Sarah.
This lovely book is based on her 6 principles of simple abundance:
Just saying them brings peace to my heart.
I think I am going to spend some time with this book again. Apparently, it still has more to teach me.
It is true that people do yucky things. And, there are probably times in your life when you were truly a victim, but it is what you do afterward that matters most.
When you let yourself fall into the trap of blaming others and believing that people or your environment have conspired against you, you are disempowering yourself and embracing the role of a victim.
Living as a victim can be very seductive because it is a great excuse. People won’t expect a lot from you. You can play small, avoid risks, and sometimes not even have to work as hard as everyone else. It may even feel good because you get sympathy or attract attention.
I know, because I spent years rehashing the many ways I was a victim as a child and young adult. I was an expert at playing the victim role. I took it on as my identity as if that was all I was and all I could ever be.
The truth is though, that when you play the blame game you limit yourself, play small, and give your power away. You will attract the wrong people and the wrong things into your life. And, you will know somewhere deep in your heart that you are not being your best self or living to your full potential.
Even when you are sure that someone took action against you, blaming is not the answer. Your true power is in forgiveness, accepting responsibility for your life, and moving forward into the life you were meant to live.
Don’t let blame become the center of your life. Delete blaming words from your vocabulary and focus instead on all you have to be grateful for. There are people loving and supporting you at this very moment. Why do you want to give your life over to those who don’t? Leave it behind. Move forward. And, know that you are so much more than whatever someone once did to you.
Don’t forget to leave a comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.
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There are times when I hear myself or my clients or my friends say things like: I am confused. I am tired. I am sick. I am sad. I am overwhelmed. I bet you hear those words come out of your own mouth too.
Well, they simply aren’t true!
You may FEEL tired or sick or sad or whatever is going on at the time, but it is not who you are.
When you continuously reinforce those self-limiting labels by saying them over and over again, you program yourself into believing they are true.
So, use the words “I am” very carefully. They may be small, but carry incredible power.
And, if you want to know who you really are:
Sit in a quiet place with pen and paper and start writing, “I am …” Fill in the blank with whatever pops into your head. Keep writing until there is nothing left and you have reached the deepest truth. What most people find is that the first answers tend to be negative or superficial and the last connect with the more powerful spiritual truth of who they really are.
This exercise can be extremely grounding and also works well as a meditation where you simply say the words instead of writing them down. You may want to keep what you have written available for those times when you feel low and need to be reminded who you really are.
I am. You are.
You are not tired or overwhelmed.
You are wise. You are beautiful. You are powerful. You are love.
And, that is the truth!
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Gratitude. It feels warm and fuzzy, but is powerful enough to rewire your brain. It is my go to strategy when feeling a lack of abundance and can literally change how you feel about life.
The trick is to stay tapped into it and let it integrate through your body, mind, and soul.
I used to have my clients write 5 things they are grateful for every day in order to connect with this thankful energy, but over time the practice began to feel stale. It became just another thing to do and the feeling connection to gratitude was lost.
Mixing things up helps.
All of these are great tools to spark a practice of thankfulness, but they only work when you take the time to really feel and fully integrate them.
In order to ground yourself in the warm, fuzzy, life is amazing, miracles happen, anything is possible energy of gratitude you must sit with it, give it your full attention, and let it fill your heart.
A gratitude practice is not something you do, it is something you feel.
When you let the awareness of blessings touch every moment of your life, you open the door to a life full of miracles.
My personal gratitude practice may look different from day to day. Yesterday, I was mesmerized by clouds and took a lot of pictures. The day before it was a meditation on all the special people in my life. And, as I write these words today, my heart is full of love and gratitude for all of you.
The one thing I do consistently as I lay my head on the pillow each night is to review my day with an open heart. I savor the day’s blessings, let go of what does not serve me, and thank God for all I have received.
No matter what is happening in your life, you have much to be grateful for, too. I invite you to focus on the gifts in your days and let them lift you up and fill your heart. It can be life changing.
Back in the old days, when I worked as an employee, I had a boss that would often get stuck when facing a decision. The voices fighting for each option in his head would keep his mind spinning and paralyze him at the same time.
Sound familiar? It happens to me too.
My former employer would keep talking to me about whatever the issue was, but just could not move forward. He was knee deep in dilemma.
Until I found the magic question. Continue reading
When something or someone challenges us it is easy to get stuck in the idea that things should be different. Really stuck.
You can tell when this happens because you will find yourself marinating in a yucky, heavy feeling. You might hear yourself complaining, comparing, blaming, or asking, Why? Why? Why?
This is your victim mentality showing up and it is the opposite of being empowered.
When you recognize that you have fallen into the victim trap, you can make a choice to face the situation in a more positive and effective way. Here is how: Continue reading