Positive Thoughts and Attitude

The Blame Game: Are You Disempowering Yourself?

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Creating Success, Feeling Confident & Empowered, Positive Thoughts and Attitude / 4 Comments

blame blaming woman pointing finger in anger

It is true that people do yucky things. And, there are probably times in your life when you were truly a victim, but it is what you do afterward that matters most.

When you let yourself fall into the trap of blaming others and believing that people or your environment have conspired against you, you are disempowering yourself and embracing the role of a victim.

Living as a victim can be very seductive because it is a great excuse. People won’t expect a lot from you.  You can play small, avoid risks, and sometimes not even have to work as hard as everyone else.  It may even feel good because you get sympathy or attract attention.

I know, because I spent years rehashing the many ways I was a victim as a child and young adult. I was an expert at playing the victim role. I took it on as my identity as if that was all I was and all I could ever be.

The truth is though, that when you play the blame game you limit yourself, play small, and give your power away.  You will attract the wrong people and the wrong things into your life.  And, you will know somewhere deep in your heart that you are not being your best self or living to your full potential.

Even when you are sure that someone took action against you, blaming is not the answer.  Your true power is in forgiveness, accepting responsibility for your life, and moving forward into the life you were meant to live.

Don’t let blame become the center of your life. Delete blaming words from your vocabulary and focus instead on all you have to be grateful for. There are people loving and supporting you at this very moment. Why do you want to give your life over to those who don’t? Leave it behind. Move forward. And, know that you are so much more than whatever someone once did to you.

Don’t forget to leave a comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.

Related posts:

3 Ways to Feel More Empowered When Facing a Challenge

Clear Your Mind and Heart with Freeform Writing

The Four Agreements: Simple and Powerful Tools

Two Little Words that Can Make or Break You

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Authentic Living - Being Yourself, Feeling Confident & Empowered, Healing Your History, Positive Thoughts and Attitude / 6 Comments

words I am

There are times when I hear myself or my clients or my friends say things like: I am confused. I am tired. I am sick. I am sad. I am overwhelmed. I bet you hear those words come out of your own mouth too.

Well, they simply aren’t true!

You may FEEL tired or sick or sad or whatever is going on at the time, but it is not who you are.

When you continuously reinforce those self-limiting labels by saying them over and over again, you program yourself into believing they are true.

So, use the words “I am” very carefully. They may be small, but carry incredible power.

And, if you want to know who you really are:

Sit in a quiet place with pen and paper and start writing, “I am …”  Fill in the blank with whatever pops into your head. Keep writing until there is nothing left and you have reached the deepest truth. What most people find is that the first answers tend to be negative or superficial and the last connect with the more powerful spiritual truth of who they really are.

This exercise can be extremely grounding and also works well as a meditation where you simply say the words instead of writing them down. You may want to keep what you have written available for those times when you feel low and need to be reminded who you really are.

I am. You are.

You are not tired or overwhelmed.

You are wise. You are beautiful. You are powerful. You are love.

And, that is the truth!

Related Posts:

Get Real! How to Live an Authentic Life

Let Your Best Self Guide You

Let Your Soul Guide Your Healing

How to Keep Your Goals and Resolutions Alive

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Creating Success, Feeling Confident & Empowered, Positive Thoughts and Attitude, Uncategorized / 2 Comments

goals and New Year resolutions scale tape measure and apple

We are a few weeks into the New Year which for many is when the excitement about goals starts to wear off and motivation falters.

How can you keep your goals and resolutions alive?

Stay connected to your emotional “why”:
Write about why your goal is important to you.

  • What blessings will it bring to your life?
  • What will it feel like when that happens?
  • Who will you have become in the process?
  • Why is it worth what it will take to get there?

Create a clear picture of why your goal is meaningful and keep what you have written at hand for those moments when you need to be reminded of how powerful your goal really is.

Keep your motivation high by taking a couple minutes each morning to visualize yourself in that moment when your goal becomes reality. See yourself smiling, laughing, and glowing with success.  Fell the feelings of wonder, pride, and gratitude coming up inside of you. Staying connected to this visual and emotional vision will dramatically increase your possibility of success.

Prepare ahead for moments when you feel tempted to go rogue or get too stuck to move forward:

  • Make a list of your goals, intentions, or resolutions
  • For each one, list the things that could throw you off track
  • Come up with one or two solutions for each of the challenges that might come up.

Now you have a plan ready to be implemented when needed.

Motivation can falter, but you can keep your goals alive with a strong commitment and tools like these. If you would like more tools, support, or accountability through coaching, please feel free to contact me. I can help.

Don’t forget to leave a comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.

You might also enjoy this related article by Leo Babauta at Zen Habits: Instead of Goals or Resolutions, Try Creating Rules

6 Proven Ways to Reduce Anxiety

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Feeling Confident & Empowered, Healing Your History, Life Tools, Positive Thoughts and Attitude / 9 Comments

 

For some reason, anxiety has been a big subject with my coaching clients this week.  Maybe it is the time of year or something in the air, but it seems like a lot of people are feeling anxious.

That makes it the perfect time to share some of my strategies for stopping anxiety in it’s tracks.

4 Count Breathing – With the exception of real emergencies, anxiety is usually about something that may happen in the future or a reaction to something you already experienced. Focusing on your breathing brings you back to the peaceful present moment.  And, since your mind can only focus on one thing at a time, counting blocks out the thoughts that feed your anxious moments. It goes like this:

Take a deep breath in as you slowly count to 4

Hold your breath for a count of 4

Breathe out slowly to the count of 4

Pause before your next breath to the count of 4 

Challenge Your Anxiety – Most of what worries you never really happens.  It is probably not even true.  Your mind just takes you on a wild ride of creative bad scenarios.  I know mine sure does.  When this happens, ask yourself the following questions to bring your focus back into reality:

  • Can I be absolutely sure what I am anxious about will really happen?
  • Could I be blowing this out of proportion?
  • Am I really in danger right now?
  • Is what you are feeling temporary?
  • Do I really need to put my body into a fight or flight response now?
  • What are the facts?  What is the truth?
  • How would it feel to let this go and remember that I will be okay?

Give It To God – Many of the things that cause anxiety are not in your control.  So, what would happen if you just let the Big Guy handle them?  Let him know you are going to put the issue in his hands and will check in with him after a certain period of time.  And then, set the issue out of your mind until it is time to check in.  It is amazing how well this can work.

I give my concerns over to God every night before I go to sleep.  This not only allows for a good night of rest, but can be an excellent preventive measure in the battle with anxiety.  I often wake up with the worrisome situation being resolved or the solutions given to me. Sometimes, I just no longer care as it has lost it’s power over me.

Make Friends with It – Anxiety can feel like a big, powerful thing that has control over you, but that is just not true.  Many things that trigger anxious thoughts were installed in us when we were little and vulnerable and everything felt more powerful than it was.

When you see anxiety for what it really is you can relate to it in a different way.  Even make friends with it.  Some of my clients give their anxiety names like Minnie Mouse, Cookie Monster, or Jumpy George. Doing this facilitates seeing it in a different, less controlling way.

When it shows up, talk to it.  Thank it for offering to help and let it know that you are all grown up now and have things under control.  Have a nice little chat with your new friend and then give him a new assignment, like Protector of Peace or Facilitator of Fun.

Audit Your Input – What you put into your mind and body can contribute to either peace or anxiety.  I am often surprised when clients who drink a lot of caffeine or energy drinks don’t realize that this can contribute to their feeling anxious. You can cultivate more peace within by drinking calming teas and allowing your body and mind to work at their normal capacity.

Another way you can set yourself up for feeling tense and worried is by reading or watching movies and shows that are full of violence or tense energy, especially before bed.  If these are your preferred forms of entertainment give yourself a cushion between them and your bed time to let your body and mind calm down. Even better than that, switch to more peaceful, fun, or meaningful entertainment.  I once read that our bodies react to violence we watch or read as if it is really happening. Do you really want to put yourself through that?

Practice Peaceful Habits – Creating habits and practices that support your calm and well-being can lead to an anxiety free life.  Let go of what no longer serves you and bring in people and things that feed your soul.  Many of my clients find that simplifying their lives by de-cluttering and learning to say no make a big difference.  Others, will swear that exercise, art, meditation, prayer, yoga, or music have minimized the anxiety in their lives. Find what works for you and make a commitment to doing it regularly.

These tool have proven successful for my clients and myself.  I am confident that they can help you too.  Go ahead, give them a try.  You will find more peace when you do.

If you would like coaching support to deal with the anxiety in your life, I would love to help.  Contact Me

Related posts:

How to Cultivate Inner Peace

3 Steps for Successfully Navigating Life Challenges

Rewire Your Brain to Feel More Positive

How to Integrate Gratitude More Deeply Into Your Life

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Authentic Living - Being Yourself, Positive Thoughts and Attitude / 4 Comments

gratitude heart flower

Gratitude. It feels warm and fuzzy, but is powerful enough to rewire your brain. It is my go to strategy when feeling a lack of abundance and can literally change how you feel about life.

The trick is to stay tapped into it and let it integrate through your body, mind, and soul.

I used to have my clients write 5 things they are grateful for every day in order to connect with this thankful energy, but over time the practice began to feel stale.  It became just another thing to do and the feeling connection to gratitude was lost.

Mixing things up helps.

  • Looking for hearts, signs, or synchronicities
  • Taking pictures of things we find beautiful
  • Spending time in nature
  • Fostering awareness of magical moments in daily life

All of these are great tools to spark a practice of thankfulness, but they only work when you take the time to really feel and fully integrate them.

In order to ground yourself in the warm, fuzzy, life is amazing, miracles happen, anything is possible energy of gratitude you must sit with it, give it your full attention, and let it fill your heart.

A gratitude practice is not something you do, it is something you feel.

When you let the awareness of blessings touch every moment of your life, you open the door to a life full of miracles.

My personal gratitude practice may look different from day to day. Yesterday, I was mesmerized by clouds and took a lot of pictures. The day before it was a meditation on all the special people in my life. And, as I write these words today, my heart is full of love and gratitude for all of you.

The one thing I do consistently as I lay my head on the pillow each night is to review my day with an open heart.  I savor the day’s blessings, let go of what does not serve me, and thank God for all I have received.

No matter what is happening in your life, you have much to be grateful for, too. I invite you to focus on the gifts in your days and let them lift you up and fill your heart. It can be life changing.

How to Reconnect with Your Happy, Playful Inner Child

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Authentic Living - Being Yourself, Feeling Confident & Empowered, Fun & Happiness, Healing Your History, Positive Thoughts and Attitude / 9 Comments

happy playful little girl inner child

I have a friend who everyone seems to love. She is of a mature age (trying to be polite here) and lives life in a responsible way. What makes her stand out, though is her penchant for wearing pink, sparkly high top sneakers. Everywhere. Even business meetings and church. She says they make her happy and remind her to sparkle. I’ve noticed that they also make the people around her smile.

My friend has tapped into her playful inner child.

I want what she has. She seems to feel lighter and happier than the rest of us. More care free. And, her sparkliness invites adventure, fun, and friendships into her life.

It’s easy to forget what it feels like to play. As an adult you have responsibilities and expectations to live up to. You are probably so busy doing what you think you have to do that you don’t even remember you have all that joy within. But, don’t worry. You inner child will never give up on you.

You can reconnect with her again through: Continue reading →

Simple Ways to Make Life Better

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Feeling Confident & Empowered, Fun & Happiness, Healing Your History, Life Tools, Navigating Life Challenges, Positive Thoughts and Attitude / 15 Comments

make life better by petting dog

Twitter is not usually my thing, but one of my clients told me about a hashtag stream of people offering their 3 word suggestions on how to make life better.  I found many of the posts inspiring and thought you might too.

Here is what they had to say:  Continue reading →

A Simple, Proven Way to Clear Your Mind of Negative Thoughts

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Feeling Confident & Empowered, Healing Your History, Life Tools, Navigating Life Challenges, Positive Thoughts and Attitude, Relationships & Communication / 4 Comments

negative thoughts sad woman under umbrella

Your brain is a great tool, but sometimes your mind can drive you crazy. It can get into repetitive loops with the kinds of thoughts that bring you down or hold you back. Or, it can just spin out of control. If you are like most human beings, you are experiencing both.

Here is a simple way to retrain your brain and let go of these negative patterns of thinking:  Continue reading →

How to Reconnect with Your Best Self

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Authentic Living - Being Yourself, Feeling Confident & Empowered, Life Tools, Positive Thoughts and Attitude / 3 Comments

best self ideal self hearts

It was a few days before my client would give her first presentation before a group and anxiety was starting to bubble up. She asked for my help in minimizing her fear before it boiled over.  Continue reading →

How a Little Yellow Lamborghini Taught Me to Stop Comparing Myself to Others

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Feeling Confident & Empowered, Positive Thoughts and Attitude / 3 Comments

yellow lamborghini

Someone in my neighborhood is driving a snazzy yellow Lamborghini. You can’t help but notice it, especially when they keep revving the engine when stopped at lights.

I may not be a big car person, but the sleek lines and deep rumble of that engine were calling out to me.  Continue reading →

Suffering is Optional

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Feeling Confident & Empowered, Healing Your History, Positive Thoughts and Attitude / 3 Comments

suffering angel statue

Things happen in life that cause pain and are hard to understand.  This is true.

When they happen it is important to allow yourself to feel your feelings, which often include sadness, anger, or loss.  When you allow your feelings to process, you will be able to heal and eventually move forward.  Continue reading →

A Walk, A Worm, and a Lesson In Perspective

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Fun & Happiness, Positive Thoughts and Attitude / 2 Comments

worm perspective

I was out for a lovely morning walk with a friend when I saw a worm writhing on the sidewalk. Without thinking, I picked the worm up and put him in the damp grass.

My friend started laughing. He thought it was ridiculous that I would save a worm.  Continue reading →

Stop Fighting Your Negative Thoughts and Do This Instead

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Authentic Living - Being Yourself, Life Tools, Positive Thoughts and Attitude / 10 Comments

cute baby love loving thoughts align head and heart negative thoughts

You know that negative thoughts are unhealthy.  Dangerous too.  They  keep you spinning in a false world so that you miss your real life.  They re-wire your brain and personality.  Steal your hope.  And, energetically set you up for making them come true.

After awhile, negative thinking becomes a habit, maybe even an addiction.

When you decide you want to change, you label these thoughts as bad.  You judge them. Resist them.  Fight with them.  And, this battle only feeds them more.

And then, you judge yourself.  Or, just give up.

There is another way.  A more loving way.

Simply return to the present moment and align your head with your heart.

This is how you do it:

  1. Take a deep breath.
  2. Bring to mind  something that warms your heart, like a loved one, cute puppy, baby, or something you are grateful for.  Focus on it.  Feel it.  Savor it.
  3. Repeat as necessary.

At first you may need to repeat this often, but eventually it becomes your new habit.

A few tips:

  • Using the same image for something that warms your heart each time creates an anchor to the present moment and an eventual short cut to get there.
  • If negative thoughts try to interrupt the process, don’t resist them.  Just let them gently float away.
  • Be gentle and loving with yourself as you create this new way of being

Aligning your head and heart in the present moment opens the door to true internal peace and personal power.

What could be better than that?

 

Clear Your Mind and Heart with Free-Form Writing

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Healing Your History, Life Tools, Positive Thoughts and Attitude, Relationships & Communication / 8 Comments

One of the tools I use often and recommend to my clients is a free form style of writing that is like venting on paper. You simply take paper and pen and start writing about what is concerning you.

No rules.  No editing.  You can let the four letter words fly!

This stream of consciousness writing style is a powerful tool for processing the energy of feeling hurt, angry, or fearful.  It brings clarity out of confusion and is a great vehicle for brainstorming.

My clients and I have had some pretty incredible experiences with this tool.  One of them happened to me just the other day.

As I was writing about a challenge in my life, the pen I was using started to run out of ink.  My writing was getting fainter and fainter, seeming to take the issue away with it.  I laughed to myself about the hidden message I was receiving and went to find a new pen. When I came back to my journal, I realized that I felt clear and ready to write a new, more empowering story. 

You never know what is going to happen when writing from your heart and soul.

Confusion, emotions, and conflict can block you from seeing the truth and opportunities before you.  Free-form writing allows you to process what you are feeling and clear out the static in your mind and heart.  It is from this place of inner freedom that answers begin to appear and we can create whole-hearted lives.

How Do You Compare?

Posted on by Linda Luke / Posted in Authentic Living - Being Yourself, Feeling Confident & Empowered, Positive Thoughts and Attitude / Leave a comment

compare comparing apples pears

Whether it be out of a sense of competition or trying to fit in, comparing keeps you in a game that you just can’t win.  There will always be someone you can perceive as higher or better or lower than you.   And, your data will be corrupt as you compare your raw, judged self to the images other people put forward of who they want you to believe they are. Continue reading →