For many of you, the only lists you write are To Do lists that end up being fuel for self judgement when the endless items don’t magically get done. So, I can understand if you weren’t that interested in reading this post about lists.
One of my clients this morning was reflecting on how her life took a surprising turn that led to something wonderful and new.
She was laid off last year, just a few months before her fully funded retirement. She was angry, terrified, and felt like all had been lost.
We have all experienced it. Spinning minds that seem to take control and make us feel a little crazy.
It could be about a decision you are trying to make.
Problem solving or ideas for something new
Replaying how someone hurt you or something that went wrong
Or, fear trying to stop you from moving forward.
I’m beginning to think that human beings are hard wired to focus on what is wrong. We have high expectations of ourselves, others, and the world in general and these expectations set us up to feel disappointed when they don’t come true.
Our minds are programmed to always look for what is wrong or what is missing and this keeps us grounded in the negative. When we think negative thoughts we feel bad and are not as effective as we could be.
There are a lot of disappointed and unhappy people out there. Are you one of them?
Most of us are talented dreamers. I know I am. My dreams range from real world goals to fantasies about traveling the U.S. in a motor home, bringing small broken down houses back to life, and doing things I’m not sure my body is up for anymore. Some are real desires and some are daydreams, but I love them all.
I’ve been writing in a journal on and off for years, but my commitment wasn’t as high as it is now.
It all started with the book, “The Artist’s Way” and being inspired by Julia Cameron’s recommendation to write 3 pages every morning. But, it never lasted very long. I would journal in fits and spurts, mostly when something was bothering me and then forget all about it.
I feel more committed now. In addition to writing what is on my mind I am using my journal as a tool to improve my life. I can feel it’s impact almost every day and can’t imagine life without it.
Everyone seems to be talking about downsizing, decluttering and tidying up these days. Many of you are feeling the weight of too much stuff. Actually, stuffocating. And, it may be impacting you in more ways than you know.
We all receive guidance from within. Whether you call it the voice of your heart, soul, or intuition, it is always there to support you.
There are times when you may find it difficult to connect with this inner wisdom or hear what it has to say. You can get caught up in your daily life or drama and rely on your inconsistent and fearful mind instead. It’s like letting a naughty toddler run the show.
I’ve noticed lately that when I have trouble going to sleep it’s usually because my mind is very active. It’s as if a thought or story has triggered it into a hyper state that keeps me from relaxing enough to fall asleep.
As I became more aware of this pattern, I could actually feel the moment my mind clicked in and grabbed onto something that would take it, and me, down the rabbit hole.
I decided to practice letting go of the thoughts in that moment and not let them become fully engaged. It’s working really well.
Lot’s of space! Granite counter tops! Curb appeal! When looking for a new house it’s easy to get caught up in wanting more, more more.
If you have the perfect house your life inside it will be perfect too. Right? After all, the bank said you can afford it, and they should know. Really?
It’s been a couple years since I moved from Southern California to a small town in Missouri. We are having a rough winter here with record breaking snowfall and temps. There was even a polar vortex this week that brought the temperature to 34 below zero with the windchill factored in. It was really, really cold!
There is something stirring in the women around me. I hear it in my conversations with clients and friends. They describe feeling like they are on the edge of something new. Something that is calling to their hearts. Some know what it is and others are still waiting for the voice to become more clear.
When clients first come to me they usually have an issue they want to resolve or something they would like to create. They may want to:
And yet, when all said and done, they tell me there was something even more powerful and unexpected that came forward. The real gift was who they became through the process and how much they learned to love and value themselves.
One of the things I loved about my friend Sybil while she was on this earth was her joy in bringing people together for food and stimulating conversation. She loved to listen and bask in the warmth of being surrounded by interesting friends.
As she was losing her ability to speak, she started writing letters to us. I came across a few of them recently and they were full of amusing observations and appreciation for the people around her. I could almost here her chuckling between the lines. Continue reading
Even as we are out spending money on gifts for our loved ones, we are surrounded by people for whom the holidays are challenging. They may feel stressed, alone, depressed, or be having financial difficulties.
So, I encourage you to take the spirit of the season to a new level by giving in little random ways that can make all the difference for someone in need. Here are some ideas to get you started: Continue reading
My laptop is dying. It keeps freezing up and doing strange things. The good news is that it gave me some warning so I have a new one on the way while it is still working (barely).
It has been a few years since I bought a computer so I jumped into research mode. I searched Google for articles on what to look for, brand comparisons, and features I might want. And then, it was off to Amazon to check what was available and read all of the reviews on laptops I might consider. Continue reading
On this eve of Thanksgiving my thoughts are on all that I have to be thankful for and my heart is full. This afternoon, I will be playing Secret Turkey by putting messages of hope, gratitude and joy in mailboxes and on car windshields of people I don’t know.
Practicing thankfulness and gratitude are a part of my life all year, not just on Thanksgiving. There are studies that show gratitude practices can relieve depression, foster a sense of well-being, and even rewire your brain for happiness. If I start to feel low, the first thing I think of is refreshing my gratitude practice because I know it helps. Continue reading
I like to play with various challenges from time to time. It’s how I learn and grown. So, when someone at church suggested we practice thinking before we speak this week I was all in.
It was a good week for it, too. I had several conversations that needed to be handled carefully.
What I didn’t expect was how my focus on thoughtful speaking would make me feel. Continue reading
I love November as the month of giving thanks and focusing on gratitude.
When my grandchildren were still young, my family moved out of state for my son’s job. Most years, I flew out to spend Christmas with them, but I realized that I needed to create new traditions that would offset any sadness about being alone for other holidays.
One of those traditions was becoming a Secret Turkey.
Every Thanksgiving I would write uplifting notes of grace, hope, and gratitude to give to strangers. Sometimes I would put them on people’s car windshields and other times drop them in mailboxes. People with run down cars and homes were most likely to receive them. It was always fun figuring out new ways to give them out while keeping my identity a secret. I did get caught a couple times, though.
Last year one of my clients made me the beautiful cards in the picture below (thank you T) for my Secret Turkey adventure. I still have some left over and look forward to using them to spread more thankfulness this year.
Becoming a Secret Turkey made my Thanksgivings more meaningful and my hope is that the notes and cards I shared lifted up some of the people who received them. Or, at least put a smile on their face.
And now, I would like to invite you to join me in the Secret Turkey Project so that we can spread words of thanks, hope, and cheer to even more people.
What do you say? Are you in?
You can share your answer and let me know how it goes in the comments section below.
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Feeling heard is a basic human need that far too many people go without. It can make or break relationships, save lives, and even prevent wars.
When someone is talking to you and you are distracted or not wanting to listen, they can tell. And, it hurts.
People who talk a lot, repeat themselves often, or get loud are usually not feeling heard or grew up feeling they didn’t have a voice. In challenging conversations, they will usually calm down once they know you have heard what they are trying to say and then move on to productive conversation.
Those who have suffered loss or are feeling upset don’t need sympathy or to hear your story; they need an opportunity to express themselves without interruption.
Listening is a cornerstone of communication and it is becoming a lost art. It is not about having an agenda or opinion, but about being focused, loving and safe for the other person in that moment.
But, what if what they have to say is negative or hurtful? What if they have a pattern of venting their issues or opinions at you all the time? What if you have a history with the other person that triggers pain and fear as they speak?
Taking care of yourself is always the first priority. If you do not feel safe or ready for the conversation, you are likely not the one meant to do the listening. At least, at this time.
Ultimately, you need to follow your heart. And, when you are able, giving the gift of Heart Centered Listening will be just as much for you as it is for the other person. In many cases these conversations end in huge shifts or breakthroughs. Even if they don’t, you will know that you have done a loving thing. And that, always feels good.
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