One of the things I often see with new coaching clients is that they can have a pretty good idea what they want, but be totally confused and overwhelmed at the same time. This keeps them spinning in circles and unable to move forward. Some times they just have too much information to process, but more often than not fear is using overwhelm as a distraction to try and keep them from taking a risk.
Pull out your journal or pen and paper and get ready to shift your fear… Continue reading
I recently was a guest on a radio show and was a little nervous about it. So, I wrote up a few notes and set them in front of me as the interview started. What happened next was a little strange. My left eye became blurry and I couldn’t read. My notes were useless and I knew I had to “wing it”. I was definitely out of my comfort zone and fear started telling me to run.
When comfort zones are stretched, fear will start chattering about staying safe. “Don’t do that. They may not like you. It’s too big a risk. Why put yourself out there? I can keep you safe if you don’t do it.”
If we let that voice of fear control us, we stay stuck and play small. Without building new skills and meeting new people we miss out on the possibilities before us and will eventually regret not living our lives fully.
Comfort zones are flexible and meant to grow. I knew this in that moment before my radio interview and even though I felt like running, I faced my fear, stayed calm, and did it anyway. Here is how you can too.
Recognize fear for what it is. Your fears want to keep you safe, but they are often over reactive. They were installed when you were younger and less able to take care of yourself. So, when you are afraid of meeting someone new the risk may be low, but your fear is still operating from the point of view of the 5 year old who was made fun of at school.
Fear doesn’t realize you have grown and developed new skills. It is a gut reaction that wants to protect you at all costs. Even if that protection hurts you in other ways.
Breathe deeply, and relax your face, neck, and shoulders.
Focus on other people or being of service. Take your mind off yourself and make the experience about the other people involved. How can you make them more comfortable? What can you ask them about themselves? How can you leave the situation better than it was when you entered it? Fear is self-absorbed and focusing on other things can help shift you out of it.
Trust your inner self and speak from the heart. This is what I did on that radio show when I couldn’t read my notes. I had to answer from my heart and experience. By doing so, my interview was much more powerful than it would have been if I had used the notes. Trust yourself. You have everything you need inside of you.
Look for humor in the situation. When you look through an observer’s fly on the wall perspective things can seem quite amusing. Funny things happen when you stretch your comfort zone…
I remember being nervous about speaking before a group of people I didn’t know. When I went to the restroom before going on stage the water from the sink splashed over the front of my pants leaving very obvious water spots. For a moment, I just wanted to escape, but instead I went on stage and the first thing I did was make a joke about being attacked by their sink. It was a great ice breaker and the presentation went over well.
Humor can help you and the people around you feel lighter in stressful situations.
Make friends with your fear. Fear is not your enemy. It only wants what is best for you. It’s just a little over protective. So, have a conversation with it. Thank it for warning you. Let it know you’ve got things covered. And, ask it to help you in another way, like standing in the wings and cheering you on. You might be surprised how well it listens.
If fear is keeping you locked into your comfort zone and you would like the support of a professional life coach, I would love to talk to you. You can connect with me here.
Related Posts:
How to Tell the Difference Between Fear and Intuition
Fear and Anxiety: How to Make Friends with Your Lizard Brain
This is Joey, my little scaredy cat. He is on constant high alert and can disappear at the speed of light, running to his safety zone under my bed. His latest scary thing is the air coming from the vents when the air conditioner comes on.
Recently, I noticed that his anxiety was getting worse. He was spending entire days under the bed and had a constant look of panic when he was downstairs. It was breaking my heart.
So, I decided to immerse him in love therapy. Every chance I had, I would pet and love on him. He took to it well and soon he was following me around everywhere I went and I was totally covered in cat fur 24 hours a day. His confidence grew. His anxiety dissipated. And, he became an active member of the family again.
I have heard that fear is the opposite of love. So, is it also possible that love is the antidote to being fearful?
What would happen if we learned to focus on loving ourselves through our scary experiences? Love the experiences? And, even love fear itself?
It wouldn’t hurt to try. Shall we?
Related Posts:
The Simple Truth about Fear, Worry, and Anxiety