I like to play with various challenges from time to time. It’s how I learn and grown. So, when someone at church suggested we practice thinking before we speak this week I was all in.
It was a good week for it, too. I had several conversations that needed to be handled carefully.
What I didn’t expect was how my focus on thoughtful speaking would make me feel. Continue reading
I love November as the month of giving thanks and focusing on gratitude.
When my grandchildren were still young, my family moved out of state for my son’s job. Most years, I flew out to spend Christmas with them, but I realized that I needed to create new traditions that would offset any sadness about being alone for other holidays.
One of those traditions was becoming a Secret Turkey.
Every Thanksgiving I would write uplifting notes of grace, hope, and gratitude to give to strangers. Sometimes I would put them on people’s car windshields and other times drop them in mailboxes. People with run down cars and homes were most likely to receive them. It was always fun figuring out new ways to give them out while keeping my identity a secret. I did get caught a couple times, though.
Last year one of my clients made me the beautiful cards in the picture below (thank you T) for my Secret Turkey adventure. I still have some left over and look forward to using them to spread more thankfulness this year.
Becoming a Secret Turkey made my Thanksgivings more meaningful and my hope is that the notes and cards I shared lifted up some of the people who received them. Or, at least put a smile on their face.
And now, I would like to invite you to join me in the Secret Turkey Project so that we can spread words of thanks, hope, and cheer to even more people.
What do you say? Are you in?
You can share your answer and let me know how it goes in the comments section below.
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Feeling heard is a basic human need that far too many people go without. It can make or break relationships, save lives, and even prevent wars.
When someone is talking to you and you are distracted or not wanting to listen, they can tell. And, it hurts.
People who talk a lot, repeat themselves often, or get loud are usually not feeling heard or grew up feeling they didn’t have a voice. In challenging conversations, they will usually calm down once they know you have heard what they are trying to say and then move on to productive conversation.
Those who have suffered loss or are feeling upset don’t need sympathy or to hear your story; they need an opportunity to express themselves without interruption.
Listening is a cornerstone of communication and it is becoming a lost art. It is not about having an agenda or opinion, but about being focused, loving and safe for the other person in that moment.
But, what if what they have to say is negative or hurtful? What if they have a pattern of venting their issues or opinions at you all the time? What if you have a history with the other person that triggers pain and fear as they speak?
Taking care of yourself is always the first priority. If you do not feel safe or ready for the conversation, you are likely not the one meant to do the listening. At least, at this time.
Ultimately, you need to follow your heart. And, when you are able, giving the gift of Heart Centered Listening will be just as much for you as it is for the other person. In many cases these conversations end in huge shifts or breakthroughs. Even if they don’t, you will know that you have done a loving thing. And that, always feels good.
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Years ago I went through a time period when I was feeling sad and I wasn’t sure where it was coming from. It had happened gradually without my realizing what was going on. My days felt hard and my heart was heavy.
And then, one evening I was sitting on my couch watching TV and began to cry. I realized this was becoming a pattern and that is when I realized what was happening. Continue reading
“I can’t get no satisfaction, I can’t get no satisfaction
‘Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can’t get no, I can’t get no” – Mick Jagger
I’ve been feeling a bit like Mick Jagger lately and it’s my own fault. I’ve somehow slipped into a state of feeling unsatisfied with things in my life.
We all have our ups and downs, but some of us have more of a roller coaster ride through life than others. While there is little you can do to influence events that happen outside of you, there are many ways you can shift how you feel and create a more positive life.
Here are some of my favorites: Continue reading
When people hear that I choose to live simply they shake their heads and say they could never survive a simple life. In their minds they are picturing life in a cabin with one chair, one plate, and one fork. Or, a house that is cold, colorless, empty, and devoid of personality. And then, they imagine having to wear old, worn, and frumpy thrift store clothes, maybe even pioneer dresses. To them simple living sounds like a nightmare.
But, the truth is, it’s nothing like that at all. Continue reading
As most of you know, I recently adopted a little Beagle mix dog named Daisy. In many ways she is the perfect little girl. She adapted to crate training quickly, hasn’t chewed anything to death, got over her fear of cats, and seldom barks. She loves to cuddle, too.
But, Daisy has a couple little quirks that have caused me to spend my evenings watching Cesar Millan (The Dog Whisperer) on TV at night. Continue reading
We all have stories about our histories and many of them are about childhood experiences where our needs were not met. Some of us continue to feel the pain and anger of those early times and the beliefs we formed about ourselves and the world also continue to shape our lives.
Holding onto our childhood stories can keep us stuck in the past and prevent us from living the life we deserve. We can make ourselves sick by keeping the emotions trapped in our bodies and live as victims controlled by fear.
For many of us, our histories feed our deepest feelings of being unworthy and unlovable.
It is only by releasing these feelings and letting go of the past that you will be free. Free to grow. Free to feel good enough. Free to create the life and love you want. Your past is in the past. It’s an old story. Honor it, but don’t get lost in it. It’s time to write a new story for the rest of your life.
I don’t say this lightly and know that when you are living in emotional pain feeling free of it can seem impossible. I have been there. But, I have also been able to move beyond it. If I can do it, you can too.
Often, the assistance of a qualified coach, counselor, specialized program, or trusted friend can help you find the way. If you would like to talk to me about the possibility of working together to support your healing, you can contact me here.
Below is one of the exercises that I have used and recommended. You will want to create some alone time in a quiet space to focus on the process. It may feel awkward at first, but when you really dive in it can help you start to heal your past. Here are the steps:
Keep in mind that this is a process and healing your entire history won’t happen over night. But, when you start taking steps in that direction, you are taking a stand for yourself.
If you have thoughts of ending your life, please call a suicide hotline immediately. Here is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Or, if you feel hopelessly entrenched in emotional pain, please get help. Don’t try to tough it out. It’s okay to ask for help. I did, and it changed my life.
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I’ve had puppyitis for quite awhile now, spending way too much time looking at available dogs on rescue group websites. This craving has been around for awhile and I finally decided the only way to cure it was to give in.
I inquired about a couple dogs online and was invited to meet them at Petsmart when the rescue group would be there. The primary candidates were a maltipoo and a lab/terrier mix and I was assured they met my requirements of being house trained and good with cats.
That morning I was nervous, but became calm after journaling. I reminded myself that getting a dog from a rescue group is like saving a life, because when you adopt one it makes room for one more to be saved.
My daughter-in-law, Alexis, came with me for moral support and to keep me from doing anything really crazy. During the drive there I was reviewing the two dogs in my mind trying to decide what to do.
And then, in a moment of clarity, my inner voice said – “It’s never what you think it will be.”
Sure enough. You might have noticed in the pictures I definitely didn’t bring home a maltipoo or lab mix. She looks suspiciously like a beagle. The maltipoo looked unhealthy, was chewing his legs, and when I put him down he peed to mark his territory several times. (Don’t ever buy anything off the bottom shelves at Petsmart.)
Meanwhile, there was my little Daisy looking very cute and sweet. She had just been spayed the day before and wasn’t feeling well, but when they opened her crate she came right to me.
It’s never what you think it will be.
I was concerned about getting a dog that would be hard on my cats, but that’s definitely not the case with Daisy. She was terrified of THEM! When Daisy first saw Chloe she shrieked and ran.
It’s never what you think it will be.
It’s been 5 days now and I have had my moments of wondering why I ever wanted a dog. There has been a lot of work with potty training (it appears she wasn’t trained after all), inter-species relationships, and separation anxiety. She has also seemed depressed and would cower when told no or if I moved too fast.
Today she pottys on walks well (but, won’t go in her own yard), is getting along better with the cats every day, and having brief moments of playfulness.
And, I have fallen in love.
It’s never what you think it will be.
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One day, I let my cat Chloe (pictured above) out on the patio for a bit of fresh air. I pictured her rolling in the sun or maybe taking a cat nap, but she had something else in mind. Her real mission became obvious when she came running back into the house with a baby lizard in her mouth.
Oh drat! Continue reading
It’s pretty common that we feel energized when we set goals and intentions for our lives, but as time goes by and life happens that motivation can start to feel like a distant memory.
We remember the goals and are still vaguely aware of why we wanted them, but feel too busy, too tired, or just kind of stuck. Continue reading
My special friend – Little Momma
I am feeling nostalgic about my journey from California to Missouri in 2016. A lot has happened since then and I am very happy in my new town where I am close to my family and feel connected to the community.
A few weeks ago I moved again to another house just blocks from the first one. I have great neighbors, a beautiful view, and the house has great bones. I am currently in decorating mode and keep staring at samples of paint colors on my walls, hoping I will make a decision soon. Continue reading
For some reason I have been hearing the term “lizard brain” a lot this week. This is a nickname for the part of your brain that deals with survival and creates your fight or flight response. You may think of it as your own personal freak out zone. Continue reading
I’ve been to a lot of seminars over the years. Some were great, some were okay, and some of them made me feel uncomfortable. The ones I didn’t like usually involved pressure to buy, sell, or do something out of your comfort zone in order to be accepted.
It’s interesting to watch these charismatic seminar leaders in action. They make a lot of money doing this and are experts at building momentum and get people fired up.
They create a sense of urgency, use peer pressure, and sometimes shaming language: Continue reading
I’ve been a life coach for 15 years now. That is a long time. And, during that time I have witnessed transformations, courage, and deep pain as I supported people through the challenges in their lives.
When people ask what my niche or focus is I feel lost because I work with whatever challenges people bring to me – divorce, career, life threatening illness, restlessness, relationships, stress, simplifying their lives, confidence, self-care, creating something new, etc. You name it and I’ve probably coached it. And, I’ve loved it all.
The truth is – I don’t coach specific problems, I coach people. I believe that the issue isn’t necessarily the issue. It’s what lies beneath that matters. Continue reading
The concept of forgiving is very noble and we are told it is the right thing to do, but sometimes it is not so easy.
Even when we know that forgiving is not saying the other person was right we may still crave completion, an apology, a way to prevent it from happening to someone else, retribution, or even just understanding what happened. Continue reading
How peaceful are you feeling today? If you are like most people on earth there is probably a lot on your schedule and even more on your mind.
The following peace enhancing steps are ones that I taught at a retreat a couple years ago. I think you might like them. Continue reading
Pull out your journal or pen and paper and get ready to shift your fear… Continue reading
For the last year and a half I have lived in a place that has real seasons. Hot summers, fall leaves, winter snow, and birds and flowers in spring. But, I think my California brain is still adapting.
A little while ago we had a sunny and relatively warm day in the midst of winter. It fooled my brain and triggered a desire to spring clean, even though I knew the cold weather would return. I took advantage of the motivation and deep cleaned my house. It was a day of energy and satisfaction brought on by what felt like spring sunshine.
I loved having a preview of spring and appreciated how it motivated me to refresh and renew my space. And now, the change of seasons is really happening and I am ready to spring clean and spit polish my life all over again.
Would you like to join me? Here is how: Continue reading