It’s easy to get upset in our interactions with others. They can say things we take wrong or even intend to hurt us. On the flip side, we can feel bad if we unintentionally hurt someone else or feel misunderstood.
These are signs that we are taking things personally.
We all have different histories, perspectives and triggers that drive how we react to what others say and do. The people who hurt you or are hurt by you are in their stuff.
When you feel bad about something that happened, you are in yours.
Ultimately, we are all responsible for our own actions and feelings. If someone hurts you, they are responsible for what they did, but you are responsible for what you feel and how you respond.
Still, we are human. We overreact and take things personally. At least I do.
And, that is why I have a plan that helps me move through it. Here is what I do:
Read the Four Agreements chapter on taking things personally: This book by don Miguel Ruiz is an old friend of mine and one I recommend often. I used to volunteer with him and know that his words will help me feel grounded when I have been in reaction mode. If you don’t have access to the book, you can watch this video.
Journal about what I am experiencing: Writing in my journal helps me process things and often brings awareness to exaggerated stories and misperceptions in my mind.
Challenge my thinking: While journaling I will question my thoughts, stories, and reactions, weeding them out until only the truth remains. Focusing only on what is true lessens reactions and brings peace. It also ensures you will respond appropriately if you choose to do so.
Create a Positive Intention: My intention is usually about how I want to show up in the
situation, what thoughts or feelings I want to let go of, and often includes an
element of self-care.
Be Curious: Instead of worrying or imagining outcomes, I simply become curious about what will happen next and let it come in its own time. This keeps things neutral in my mind and makes the process feel interesting, like reading a book or watching a movie.
Focus on Gratitude: I can always find something to be grateful for in a challenging situation. If nothing else comes up, I can at least appreciate my intention for handling it well and what I will learn by it. Usually, when I stop and think, I can find much more.
Next time you find yourself taking something personally, I encourage you to try the above steps. They work for me and I’m pretty sure they will work for you too. If you would like the support of a professional coach through the process, you can contact me here.
Related Posts:
The Surprising Benefits of Thinking Before You Speak
Linda, I always read your posts, but this time I subscribed, and I used my work email to do so.
I work with teens with behavioral health, mental health and substance abuse troubles, and, although I am not one of the clinicians (I’m a special educator), I have conversations about these topics… ALL… THE… TIME… I’m hoping that getting your posts directly to my work email will provide me with on-time ideas for helping my students work through life on life’s terms.
As an aside, my job can be exhausting, and you have to have a thick skin, because our kids only have so many strategies – being mean, isolating or lashing out at people who are “safe” is one of them. These posts are good helps for those of us who have to learn to let some events of the day go.
Thank you.