Need Clarity Quick? Try These Magic Questions

clarity for possibilities and options

My client was in a dilemma. She had been invited to join friends on a weekend getaway that sounded exciting, but there was one person going that always seemed to cause some kind of drama.

She kept saying she would like to go, but… 

In coaching we call that competing intentions – when you want two opposing things. A lot of times they hide and can be sneaky, but this time they were out in the open and easy to see.

I asked her a couple questions that gave her clarity. She acted like I was brilliant. But, I wasn’t. They are simple questions that I use myself.

And, you can use them too.

The next time you need quick clarity, try asking yourself:

• What do I really want?
• What would I tell a friend or loved one in the same situation?

The answers may surprise you.

9 thoughts on “Need Clarity Quick? Try These Magic Questions

  1. Julie says:

    Very good advice. I can actually use us in a couple different areas of my life. Thank you!

  2. Flora Morris Brown says:

    Linda, you give more coaching in a few words than some coaches do in an hour session. I love these two questions, especially the second one which I’ve used too.

    Thanks again for being on target.

  3. Irene Diamond says:

    Hi Linda,
    Simple, to the point questions.

    Makes it easy to get clear direction. (It’s funny how we can always advise others but when it comes to our own ‘stuff’ it’s sometimes a little murky on what choice to make.)

    Keep up great work!

    • Linda Luke says:

      Yes their is a science to this. The “friend” question allows us to detach from all of the stories and concerns circling in our head. When we are detached, we think more clearly. Thanks for your comment.

  4. Annie STEFFEN says:

    Hi, thank you for this post. The question is for me that the first question don’t match
    When I ask myself “What do I want ?” I’m confronted to a big silence, like a hole, or like if I was standing at the verge of a cliff ! Do you see what I mean ?
    If my spouse tries to help and ask : what do you want ? It makes me angry and my answer is always the same “Don’t know!!!”
    Don’t know what to do with this pattern…
    Please, do you have any idea to help me getting out of the pit ?
    Thank you so much.

    • Linda Luke says:

      The thing is Annie, that you do know and there are signals that can help you uncover it. You may need some space or quiet time to reconnect with yourself. Say different options to yourself and pay attention to what you feel in your body. If one feels heavy and your body tightens (often your abdomen) and another feels lighter, the lighter feeling one is probably closest to the truth.

      Also, there is some resistance going on here. A conflict of wants. If you go for what you truly want, perhaps you will have to be courageous, work hard, or leave something behind. Fear of having to face this can shut down your dreams.

      I sense you have buried your wants and this may take a little digging, but the rewards for learning how to be true to yourself are AMAZING!

      Ideally, it would help to work with a coach or counselor through this. If that interests you, feel free to contact me for a consultation. You can email me at

      Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. It would be a shame to be on your death bed someday knowing you never lived the way you wanted.

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