Many of us are staying home in cooperation with various quarantines and lockdowns due to Covid 19. This creates an unusual pause in our lives that we can fill in many ways.
Most people get restless after a few days of rest and watching Netflix. It’s an odd feeling to have a forced staycation. But, there are several meaningful ways that you can spend your time. Here are a few I’m recommending to my clients:
It seems like almost all of my coaching conversations include the coronavirus these days. Clients are expressing their own fears, frustrations over their spouses reactions and their desire for answers.
One of the first self help books I read was “Your Erroneous Zones” by Wayne Dyer. It was the first time I realized that worrying is just a fantasy about negative outcomes and a waste of precious time and energy.
I wish I could say I never worried again, but I’m human – just like you. Most of us still spend time on negative fantasies when we get triggered and worry takes center stage. We don’t have to stay there though, once we realize it’s happening. We can shift our mind out of worry and into something better. Here are 5 ways you can do just that.
For me, a lack of thankfulness shows up as a sense of being disconnected from myself and my higher power. I start to get mired in what is going wrong in my life or the world. Sometimes fantasies of impending doom or victim stories play through my mind. If I let it go too long, it can turn into depression.
I don’t know what to call it, but I think you might know what I am talking about.
What I do know is that when we start to fall into this trap of negativity, the quickest path back to our true selves includes a return to gratitude. Continue reading
Throughout our days we view the world through different lenses or perspectives. There are times when those filters lead us to believe the world is against us or full of bad things and other times when we can be full of hope and possibilities.
We get to choose.
Years ago I read about the idea of setting up a cache of special items that would bring me comfort when I needed it. My comfort box is pictured above and the funny thing is sometimes just knowing I have it is enough.
I think everyone should have one. It doesn’t have to be a box. It could be a drawer, basket, or whatever you want. The idea is to fill it with things that will soothe your soul when you are not feeling well or having experiencing a hard time.
My clients often come to me feeling they need to make big changes in their lives in order to feel peaceful or happy.
While they may be excited, they tend to also feel a bit stuck or overwhelmed. If they seem to be rushing things, it is likely that fear is driving them to run away from something instead of their simply moving toward their dreams.
Over the years I have talked to a lot of people who were feeling upset or experiencing emotional pain. While their stories may be different, there seems to be a common thread.
I would like to believe I’m a patient person. After all, I’ve raised a child, potty trained a dog, and witnessed the growth of my clients with respect for their own process and timing.
But, lately I’ve been feeling frustrated because reality is not matching up with my expectations.
For many of you, the only lists you write are To Do lists that end up being fuel for self judgement when the endless items don’t magically get done. So, I can understand if you weren’t that interested in reading this post about lists.
We have all experienced it. Spinning minds that seem to take control and make us feel a little crazy.
It could be about a decision you are trying to make.
Problem solving or ideas for something new
Replaying how someone hurt you or something that went wrong
Or, fear trying to stop you from moving forward.
I’m beginning to think that human beings are hard wired to focus on what is wrong. We have high expectations of ourselves, others, and the world in general and these expectations set us up to feel disappointed when they don’t come true.
Our minds are programmed to always look for what is wrong or what is missing and this keeps us grounded in the negative. When we think negative thoughts we feel bad and are not as effective as we could be.
There are a lot of disappointed and unhappy people out there. Are you one of them?
Most of us are talented dreamers. I know I am. My dreams range from real world goals to fantasies about traveling the U.S. in a motor home, bringing small broken down houses back to life, and doing things I’m not sure my body is up for anymore. Some are real desires and some are daydreams, but I love them all.
I’ve been writing in a journal on and off for years, but my commitment wasn’t as high as it is now.
It all started with the book, “The Artist’s Way” and being inspired by Julia Cameron’s recommendation to write 3 pages every morning. But, it never lasted very long. I would journal in fits and spurts, mostly when something was bothering me and then forget all about it.
I feel more committed now. In addition to writing what is on my mind I am using my journal as a tool to improve my life. I can feel it’s impact almost every day and can’t imagine life without it.
We all receive guidance from within. Whether you call it the voice of your heart, soul, or intuition, it is always there to support you.
There are times when you may find it difficult to connect with this inner wisdom or hear what it has to say. You can get caught up in your daily life or drama and rely on your inconsistent and fearful mind instead. It’s like letting a naughty toddler run the show.
There is something stirring in the women around me. I hear it in my conversations with clients and friends. They describe feeling like they are on the edge of something new. Something that is calling to their hearts. Some know what it is and others are still waiting for the voice to become more clear.
When clients first come to me they usually have an issue they want to resolve or something they would like to create. They may want to:
And yet, when all said and done, they tell me there was something even more powerful and unexpected that came forward. The real gift was who they became through the process and how much they learned to love and value themselves.
I like to play with various challenges from time to time. It’s how I learn and grown. So, when someone at church suggested we practice thinking before we speak this week I was all in.
It was a good week for it, too. I had several conversations that needed to be handled carefully.
What I didn’t expect was how my focus on thoughtful speaking would make me feel. Continue reading
Feeling heard is a basic human need that far too many people go without. It can make or break relationships, save lives, and even prevent wars.
When someone is talking to you and you are distracted or not wanting to listen, they can tell. And, it hurts.
People who talk a lot, repeat themselves often, or get loud are usually not feeling heard or grew up feeling they didn’t have a voice. In challenging conversations, they will usually calm down once they know you have heard what they are trying to say and then move on to productive conversation.
Those who have suffered loss or are feeling upset don’t need sympathy or to hear your story; they need an opportunity to express themselves without interruption.
Listening is a cornerstone of communication and it is becoming a lost art. It is not about having an agenda or opinion, but about being focused, loving and safe for the other person in that moment.
But, what if what they have to say is negative or hurtful? What if they have a pattern of venting their issues or opinions at you all the time? What if you have a history with the other person that triggers pain and fear as they speak?
Taking care of yourself is always the first priority. If you do not feel safe or ready for the conversation, you are likely not the one meant to do the listening. At least, at this time.
Ultimately, you need to follow your heart. And, when you are able, giving the gift of Heart Centered Listening will be just as much for you as it is for the other person. In many cases these conversations end in huge shifts or breakthroughs. Even if they don’t, you will know that you have done a loving thing. And that, always feels good.
Related Posts:
How to Get Perspective When Feeling Pressured
Years ago I went through a time period when I was feeling sad and I wasn’t sure where it was coming from. It had happened gradually without my realizing what was going on. My days felt hard and my heart was heavy.
And then, one evening I was sitting on my couch watching TV and began to cry. I realized this was becoming a pattern and that is when I realized what was happening. Continue reading