The Simple Truth about Fear, Worry, and Anxiety

child afraid fear worry

Some of my clients are shorter than me, but only because they are kids. We talk about things like developing their own code of honor, strategies for school, and family issues. I’m often surprised though, about the level of worry and anxiety they are experiencing at such a young age and am grateful I can help them.

Coaching kids can be rewarding and fun. They are curious, engaged, and open to new ideas. They also challenge me to keep things simple and create metaphors that help them remember.

It occurred to me that we adults can benefit from these simple metaphors and perspectives, too. So, here is my child’s version of talking about worry and the fear it creates. Continue reading

How I am Getting Back on Track after Falling into Inertia – and You Can Too

 

Statue Stuck Lack of momentum lifecoachlinda.com

Don’t get me wrong. I love my new life here in small town Missouri, but it hasn’t always been a smooth ride.

Several months ago I fell while out for a walk and hurt my arm. I could hardly move for a couple of days and then settled into a long journey of healing. There were many limitations to what I could do for what felt like a very, very long time.

Last month I caught the flu, or should I say it caught me. There must be something about these Missouri  bugs because I didn’t get get sick in California, at least not for a long time. This flu knocked me down and it took several weeks to start feeling well again.

Add to that some plumbing problems and all of those little things called life and it feels like I got off track. Really off track…  Continue reading

Ask the Coach – My Answers to Your Questions

Questions & answers ask the coach lifecoachlinda.com

I’ve spent some time on Quora answering questions about life for readers and thought it might be fun to share some of the answers here. Maybe you have some of the same questions.

I may start doing this as a regular feature and welcome your questions for future posts. You can email me or contact me through my website to ask what is on your mind. In the meantime, here are some of my answers: Continue reading

Transform Your Anger, Pain, and Fear Into Something Meaningful

 

anger pain fear upset child lifecoachlinda.com

We all have emotional responses in life that do not serve us well.

  • Anger that leads us to say and do things we regret
  • Fear that keeps us from stepping into our true potential
  • Emotional pain that keeps us stuck in the past and unable to heal

Continue reading

25 Ways to Stay Positive in Trying Times

stay positive in trying times

Life gets rough at times. You may be experiencing personal challenges, surrounded by negative people, or inundated with bad news, but you don’t have to feel yucky because of it.

As I write this we are nearing the presidential election and I find that talk of politics and all of the negativity involved is upsetting me. My clients feel the same way.

So this may be the perfect time to find some ways to feel good when when life is dragging us down.
Continue reading

Did You Know I’m Not Just a Life Coach?

balance-life-coach-business-coach-online-marketing-services

I started my business as a life coach in 2002, which is a long time ago. A lot can happen in 14 years and it is really interesting how my business has expanded and evolved. It’s also really fun!

You most likely know me as Life Coach Linda and always think of me that way.

  • Supporting people as they go through challenges
  • Providing tools and fresh perspectives
  • Guiding them through healing journeys
  • Lifting them out of stuckness and into their dreams
  • Helping them reconnect with their true selves
  • Building their confidence and self love
  • Bringing more peace into their lives
  • Helping them create something new that is calling to them

Continue reading

How to Stay Calm When Stretching Your Comfort Zone

Stretch Your Comfort Zone

I recently was a guest on a radio show and was a little nervous about it. So, I wrote up a few notes and set them in front of me as the interview started. What happened next was a little strange. My left eye became blurry and I couldn’t read. My notes were useless and I knew I had to “wing it”. I was definitely out of my comfort zone and fear started telling me to run.

When comfort zones are stretched, fear will start chattering about staying safe. “Don’t do that. They may not like you. It’s too big a risk. Why put yourself out there? I can keep you safe if you don’t do it.”

If we let that voice of fear control us, we stay stuck and play small. Without building new skills and meeting new people we miss out on the possibilities before us and will eventually regret not living our lives fully.  Continue reading

How to Move On Quickly When Something Has Upset You

BAM! lifecoachlinda.com feeling upsetWe have a lot of potential upsets in our lives, big and small. Some we can move through gracefully and others that keep us stuck. Like walking through glue.

There is a quick and easy solution to getting over them. All you have to do is choose to use it.  Continue reading

So, I Just Hired a Life Coach…

imagination

Surprised? No need to be. Coaches need coaching too, and we know that it works.

Going through this process of hiring and starting with a new coach reminded me what it feels like to be a client. It made me a little nervous. Why?

Hiring a coach is making a commitment.

  • To yourself
  • To your coach
  • To taking action
  • To facing down fears, resistance, and false belief systems

Why did I hire a coach?  Continue reading

When Someone Upsets You – Remember This

feeling upset - remember this -lifecoachlinda.com

There are some people….   You know what I mean.  They don’t do or say what you think they should and sometimes people get hurt. Maybe even you.  It could be a spouse, relative, politician, or someone you work with.  Just thinking about them makes your stomach clench, your body tighten, and your heart rate go up.

They make your life miserable.  Or, do they?

When someone is irritating you, it is important to remember three things:  Continue reading

Fear, Love & Scaredy-Cat Joey

fear love lifecoachlinda.com

This is Joey, my little scaredy cat.  He is on constant high alert and can disappear at the speed of light, running to his safety zone under my bed.  His latest fear is the air coming from the vents when the air conditioner comes on.

Recently, I noticed that his anxiety was getting worse.  He was spending entire days under the bed and had a constant look of panic when he was downstairs.  It was breaking my heart.

So, I decided to immerse him in love therapy.  Every chance I had, I would pet and love on him.  He took to it well and soon he was following me around everywhere I went and I was totally covered in cat fur 24 hours a day.  His confidence grew.  His fear dissipated.  And, he became an active member of the family again.

I have heard that fear is the opposite of love.  So, is it also possible that love is the antidote to fear?  What would happen if we learned to focus on loving ourselves through our fearful experiences?  Love the experiences?  And, even love fear itself?

It wouldn’t hurt to try.  Shall we?

Weathering the Storm

storm

My son and daughter-in-law’s van after the storm

Just when I thought my transition from Southern California to a small town in Missouri was moving along gracefully, Mother Nature sent a welcome committee to test my commitment.

We were hit by a storm with 70 mph winds while I was still unpacking. It was the worst storm in decades and left most of our town (including me) without power for a couple days. Continue reading

The Blame Game: Are You Disempowering Yourself?

blame

It is true that people do yucky things. And, there are probably times in your life when you were truly a victim, but it is what you do afterward that matters most.

When you let yourself fall into the trap of blaming others and believing that people or your environment have conspired against you, you are disempowering yourself and embracing the role of a victim.

Living as a victim can be very seductive because it is a great excuse. People won’t expect a lot from you.  You can play small, avoid risks, and sometimes not even have to work as hard as everyone else.  It may even feel good because you get sympathy or attract attention.

I know, because I spent years rehashing the many ways I was a victim as a child and young adult. I was an expert at playing the victim role. I took it on as my identity as if that was all I was and all I could ever be.

The truth is though, that when you play the blame game you limit yourself, play small, and give your power away.  You will attract the wrong people and the wrong things into your life.  And, you will know somewhere deep in your heart that you are not being your best self or living to your full potential.

Even when you are sure that someone took action against you, blaming is not the answer.  Your true power is in forgiveness, accepting responsibility for your life, and moving forward into the life you were meant to live.

Don’t let blame become the center of your life. Delete blaming words from your vocabulary and focus instead on all you have to be grateful for. There are people loving and supporting you at this very moment. Why do you want to give your life over to those who don’t? Leave it behind. Move forward. And, know that you are so much more than whatever someone once did to you.

Don’t forget to leave a comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.

Related posts:

3 Ways to Feel More Empowered When Facing a Challenge

Clear Your Mind and Heart with Freeform Writing

A Cat, A Lizard, and a Life Lesson

answers are closer than you think

The other day I let my cat Chloe (pictured above) out on the patio for a bit of fresh air. I pictured her rolling in the sun or maybe taking a cat nap, but she had something else in mind. Her real mission became obvious when she came running back into the house with a baby lizard in her mouth.

Oh drat!

And, because I am a softie for all living things (well, almost all) I wanted to rescue the little creature.

I convinced Chloe to let go of it and saw the lizard run for cover under my TV stand. After locking my naughty kitty in the bedroom I came back armed with a flashlight, but couldn’t find my new reptile friend anywhere. My next step was to take everything off the TV stand and even move it out of it’s nook, but alas, there was no lizard in site.

I was about to give up and was having visions of the cats finding it while I slept and leaving a bloody, dead creature on the floor where I would step on it in the morning.

Double drat!

But as I stood up, I noticed a feeling like a dryer sheet had been left in my pants. When I pulled my pants down to get it, what did I see? A baby lizard clinging for dear life to my thigh.

Yikes!

Fortunately, I am not afraid of lizards. My friend Michelle might have died on the spot, but I put Baby Lizzy back in the yard where she will be safe. Unless Chloe finds her again.

Later that day I was talking to a client who was looking for answers. She took classes, went to psychics, and asked everyone what she should do. I knew then that my close encounter with the little lizard was the perfect story to remind her that her answers were closer than she thought. The solutions weren’t out there. They were already within her. In her gut. In her heart. Or, maybe on her leg.

Perhaps, Baby Lizzie was a spiritual teacher in disguise.

Related posts:

A Quick Solution to Being Stuck in Dilemma

A Not So Graceful Moment in Kitten Rescue

Fear and Anxiety: How to Make Friends with Your Lizard Brain

And, for those who don’t get freaked out by reptiles, here is a site about Western Fence Lizards

Don’t forget to leave a comment. I would love to hear what you think.

When Forgiveness Feels Too Hard – Try This 

forgiveness

Forgiveness is not always easy. Even when you know:

  • It’s the right thing to do
  • It will help you feel better and heal
  • It’s purpose is to free you, not them
  • It does not mean that what someone did to hurt you was okay

Sometimes your heart can be so broken or your anger so deep that you just aren’t ready to let it go. 

And then, the judgment against yourself creeps in because you just don’t understand how others can do this noble forgiveness thing when it feels so impossible for you.

This is where I step in. I want you to know that it is okay to honor where you are at. You can’t force forgiveness and you don’t have to forgive in this moment. But, there is something you can do to take some of the heat out of what happened and create a bridge between you and the peace on the other side of forgiving.

Remember – It begins with remembering that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience and that means both you and the person who wronged you. You are souls. Children of God. And, this is part of your journey.

Understand – The person who wronged you has a history that brought them to the point of hurting you. What could have gone so wrong in their lives that they would do this? What do you know of them that could lead to understanding how this could happen?

Here’s a hint:

It usually boils down to fear, even if it looks like something else. Unless there is mental illness involved they are probably very afraid of being hurt themselves. Often what people project the loudest out into the world is exactly what they feel least inside. So, the manipulator may be afraid of being controlled. Bullies diminish others because they feel unworthy.  And, the relationship enders or saboteurs may not feel lovable at the core.

Nurture Compassion – Use this understanding to let yourself start feeling compassion for the person who upset you. They are not all evil or bad. When you look through the eyes of their history you will likely see how they have been wronged or hurt or damaged. Can you feel sorry for what they went through? A yes means your compassion is coming through.

When you are able to move through this 3 step process, the peace of forgiveness is not far away. You can go there in your own time. It doesn’t have to be now. But, what you have done already has softened the hold this person had on you so that you can begin your own healing. Forgiveness will come when the time is right.

Quotes about forgiving.

A Process for Healing Bad Memories

CONTACT ME if you would like professional support through a process of forgiveness for something that has happened in your life. I would love to help.

Don’t forget to leave a comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.

A Wake Up Call

love heart

Late last night my phone rang.  My friend had come home and found her son dead.

Can you imagine?

I could hear the shock and grief in her voice and it triggered memories of other moments when I had heard those qualities in the voices of myself and people I love.

It was a wake up call for me in more than one way.  I was reminded that:

Everything can change in one moment – we will all experience lifequakes that will shake us to our core.  Our lives will be forever changed and often diminished in ways we could never have imagined.  This is part of our journey here on this earth.

What we can do is live so fully that when our world is shaken or someone leaves us forever we have no regrets.

When I was 22 the man I loved died suddenly in an accident.  I had been so busy protecting my heart that I never told him I loved him.  My fear kept me from saying the words until it was too late.  It took years before I was able to forgive myself and let the regret go. 

Live fully.  Love fully. Go for your dreams.  This is your precious life and every moment of it is a gift.

Be Grateful  – sometimes we don’t appreciate what we have until it is gone.  Well, maybe on some level we do, but we push back the awareness of it because we have other things on our minds.

When we focus on appreciation and gratitude our lives become richer and more meaningful. We experience things more deeply, recognize blessings when they come, and fill our hearts with love.

This can help us be more resilient when we suffer a loss.  There will be shock.  And, grief. But eventually the love and gratitude will bring balance and guide us through the process of learning to live again.

My heart goes out to my friend and all that she is experiencing right now.  I don’t know why she has been given this as part of her journey on this earth, but I trust that she will be okay.

I can’t save her from the pain or make it all better, but I can be grateful for the wake up call this has offered me and share it with you, hoping that it makes a difference in someone’s life.  Could that someone be you?

 

How to Keep Your Goals and Resolutions Alive

woman with balloons

We are a few weeks into the New Year which for many is when the excitement about goals starts to wear off and motivation falters.

How can you keep your goals and resolutions alive?

Stay connected to your emotional “why”:
Write about why your goal is important to you.

  • What blessings will it bring to your life?
  • What will it feel like when that happens?
  • Who will you have become in the process?
  • Why is it worth what it will take to get there?

Create a clear picture of why your goal is meaningful and keep what you have written at hand for those moments when you need to be reminded of how powerful your goal really is.

Keep your motivation high by taking a couple minutes each morning to visualize yourself in that moment when your goal becomes reality. See yourself smiling, laughing, and glowing with success.  Fell the feelings of wonder, pride, and gratitude coming up inside of you. Staying connected to this visual and emotional vision will dramatically increase your possibility of success.

Prepare ahead for moments when you feel tempted to go rogue or get too stuck to move forward:

  • Make a list of your goals, intentions, or resolutions
  • For each one, list the things that could throw you off track
  • Come up with one or two solutions for each of the challenges that might come up.

Now you have a plan ready to be implemented when needed.

Motivation can falter, but you can keep your goals alive with a strong commitment and tools like these. If you would like more tools, support, or accountability through coaching, please feel free to contact me. I can help.

Don’t forget to leave a comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.

You might also enjoy this related article by Leo Babauta at Zen Habits: Instead of Goals or Resolutions, Try Creating Rules

6 Proven Ways to Reduce Anxiety

anxious woman

For some reason, anxiety has been a big subject with my coaching clients this week.  Maybe it is the time of year or something in the air, but it seems like a lot of people are feeling anxious.

That makes it the perfect time to share some of my strategies for stopping anxiety in it’s tracks.

4 Count Breathing – With the exception of real emergencies, anxiety is usually about something that may happen in the future or a reaction to something you already experienced. Focusing on your breathing brings you back to the peaceful present moment.  And, since your mind can only focus on one thing at a time, counting blocks out the thoughts that feed your anxious moments. It goes like this:

Take a deep breath in as you slowly count to 4

Hold your breath for a count of 4

Breathe out slowly to the count of 4

Pause before your next breath to the count of 4 

Challenge Your Anxiety – Most of what worries you never really happens.  It is probably not even true.  Your mind just takes you on a wild ride of creative bad scenarios.  I know mine sure does.  When this happens, ask yourself the following questions to bring your focus back into reality:

  • Can I be absolutely sure what I am anxious about will really happen?
  • Could I be blowing this out of proportion?
  • Am I really in danger right now?
  • Is what you are feeling temporary?
  • Do I really need to put my body into a fight or flight response now?
  • What are the facts?  What is the truth?
  • How would it feel to let this go and remember that I will be okay?

Give It To God – Many of the things that cause anxiety are not in your control.  So, what would happen if you just let the Big Guy handle them?  Let him know you are going to put the issue in his hands and will check in with him after a certain period of time.  And then, set the issue out of your mind until it is time to check in.  It is amazing how well this can work.

I give my concerns over to God every night before I go to sleep.  This not only allows for a good night of rest, but can be an excellent preventive measure in the battle with anxiety.  I often wake up with the worrisome situation being resolved or the solutions given to me. Sometimes, I just no longer care as it has lost it’s power over me.

Make Friends with It – Anxiety can feel like a big, powerful thing that has control over you, but that is just not true.  Many things that trigger anxious thoughts were installed in us when we were little and vulnerable and everything felt more powerful than it was.

When you see anxiety for what it really is you can relate to it in a different way.  Even make friends with it.  Some of my clients give their anxiety names like Minnie Mouse, Cookie Monster, or Jumpy George. Doing this facilitates seeing it in a different, less controlling way.

When it shows up, talk to it.  Thank it for offering to help and let it know that you are all grown up now and have things under control.  Have a nice little chat with your new friend and then give him a new assignment, like Protector of Peace or Facilitator of Fun.

Audit Your Input – What you put into your mind and body can contribute to either peace or anxiety.  I am often surprised when clients who drink a lot of caffeine or energy drinks don’t realize that this can contribute to their feeling anxious. You can cultivate more peace within by drinking calming teas and allowing your body and mind to work at their normal capacity.

Another way you can set yourself up for feeling tense and worried is by reading or watching movies and shows that are full of violence or tense energy, especially before bed.  If these are your preferred forms of entertainment give yourself a cushion between them and your bed time to let your body and mind calm down. Even better than that, switch to more peaceful, fun, or meaningful entertainment.  I once read that our bodies react to violence we watch or read as if it is really happening. Do you really want to put yourself through that?

Practice Peaceful Habits – Creating habits and practices that support your calm and well-being can lead to an anxiety free life.  Let go of what no longer serves you and bring in people and things that feed your soul.  Many of my clients find that simplifying their lives by de-cluttering and learning to say no make a big difference.  Others, will swear that exercise, art, meditation, prayer, yoga, or music have minimized the anxiety in their lives. Find what works for you and make a commitment to doing it regularly.

These tool have proven successful for my clients and myself.  I am confident that they can help you too.  Go ahead, give them a try.  You will find more peace when you do.

If you would like coaching support to deal with the anxiety in your life, I would love to help.  Contact Me

Related posts:

How to Cultivate Inner Peace

3 Steps for Successfully Navigating Life Challenges

Rewire Your Brain to Feel More Positive

4 Ways to Feel Abundant & Attract More Money

abundance wayne dyer

If you are a human on this planet Earth, you probably feel like you don’t have enough money.

Since money represents security, safety, and worthiness in our culture this can be a real problem.

The very thought of it can trigger thousands of voices in your head that make you feel afraid for your future or not good enough.

And then, there is all of the programming you received as a child. Money is the root of all evil. It’s selfish to want money.  Our family will always be poor.  Rich people are the enemy. Continue reading

A Quick Solution to Being Stuck in Dilemma

 

dilemma lifecoachlinda.co

Back in the old days, when I worked as an employee, I had a boss that would often get stuck when facing a decision. The voices fighting for each option in his head would keep his mind spinning and paralyze him at the same time.

Sound familiar? It happens to me too.

My former employer would keep talking to me about whatever the issue was, but just could not move forward.  He was knee deep in dilemma.

Until I found the magic question. Continue reading