When someone lies to you they are more likely to:
- Touch their face or scratch their nose
- Blink more often than usual
- Avoid eye contact
- Smile only with their mouth
- Seem uncomfortable with pauses in conversation and jump in to fill the gap
- Provide more information than they are asked for
- Look relieved when the subject changes
- Have closed body language like crossed arms or have something between you
Over the years, I have participated in many success oriented programs. One of my favorite things about these adventures was being assigned an accountability buddy. I found myself more engaged and committed to the process because of these partnerships and many of the people I was paired with are still my friends today.
Studies have repeatedly shown that you are more likely to achieve your goals when accountable to others. Knowing you are going to report your progress to someone else will motivate you to get things done. Another key benefit is that your wins will be recognized and acknowledged by the other person. This reinforces how good it feels to take positive action and keeps you moving forward.
Some people choose to create accountability by making an announcement of their goals or intentions. Posting your weight loss goals on Facebook or making a commitment before a group like AA are great examples of how this works.
Last week, I posted my intentions for how I want to be and what I am going to focus on this year. When the emails started pouring in, I became nervous. Did I really say that out loud? To the whole world through my blog? And then, the feeling shifted to a sense of peace. I now have all of you watching me and providing support and accountability for my heartfelt dream. How cool is that?
Whether your goals are large or small, having someone hold you to your commitments and dreams will increase the possibility of your success. I encourage you to find a friend, group, or coach you can trust to support you with accountability. When you make that commitment, the magic can begin.
You will not only create forward momentum and success, but you will also be increasing your levels of self-trust, self-confidence, and self-esteem.
What could be better than that?
There are a lot of goals and resolutions set at this time of year about what we want to do or accomplish. While I am playing with some of the doing stuff, I felt more called to look at how I want to be and show up in this world.
At first I called my ideas declarations and I liked the power of the word, but as I worked with them I started preferring to think of them as intentions. I have included some wording from Don Miguel Ruiz and Brendan Burchard that spoke to me, but the essence of these come from my heart. I believe that by focusing on these intentions I will be living more as my higher self.
My Intention is to:
- Be impeccable with my word
- Engage life with full presence and power
- Bring light to all I do
- Always do my best
- Listen to my body, inner wisdom, and make conscious choices
- Embrace spiritual practice and deepening connections
- Explore fun, adventure, and creativity
- Create daily forward momentum aligned with my dreams, values, and goals.
What declarations or intentions would you like to make for your life? You can share them in the comment section. I would love to hear what they are.
When you are feeling challenged and frustrated by people around you, changing how you see them can make all the difference. You can adjust your view of people, events, or things to make them seem more or less powerful and make it easier, even entertaining, to be around them.
Just imagine what would happen if you visualized the troubling person in front of you as a:
- 2 year old having a tantrum
- Cartoon character
- Character in a fairy tale or myth
- Mouse sized version of themselves with a little squeaky voice
You can flip the view and use this idea in a loving way that brings forward compassion for the other person, by seeing them as:
- The beautiful baby or child they once were
- A hissing cat or barking dog that is afraid and really just wants to be loved
Visualizing words flashing on their foreheads like hurt, afraid, insecure, or sad, can also help you feel more understanding and diminish the impact their actions have on you.
The most powerful way to view yourself and the people around you is to remember that we are all souls. Our souls are perfect, but they get covered up by our fears, pain, and reactions to the things that happen in our lives. Remembering the true nature of the troubled and troublesome people around you can support you in interacting in a more comfortable and loving way.
Remember those old Nike t-shirts that said, “Just Do It!” I used to have one and I am pretty sure it had magical powers that helped me run up hills. Just knowing I had it on boosted my focus and motivation. I was inspired!
When we assign meaning to the things around us, we can use them to help us feel more grounded, motivated, or connected to our intentions.
I have clients and friends who carry pocket tokens with words on them, heart shaped stones, or prayer beads. I once carried an acorn from my friend’s farm in Tennessee so I could stay connected to the peaceful feeling I felt there. Other ways to tap into the power of symbols include wearing t-shirts with sayings, heart shaped jewelry, or anything that triggers the feeling you want.
This morning I talked to a young client facing her first college midterms. When she takes her test tomorrow she will be wearing a favorite necklace to serve as a reminder of how calm, focused, and confident she can be. She is going to do great.
What would you like to stay connected to? What can you carry with you as its symbol? Go ahead. Try it. You might be surprised at how well it works.
Today, my reminder is to wear a t-shirt that says, “Life is Good!” And, so it is!
Years ago I went through a time period when I was feeling sad and I wasn’t sure where it was coming from. It had happened gradually without my realizing what was going on. My days felt hard and my heart was heavy.
And then, one evening I was sitting on my couch watching TV and began to cry. I realized this was becoming a pattern and that is when it hit me. I cried when I watched the animal rescue show every evening that featured starving, abused animals in desperate situations.
My choice of “entertainment” was impacting how I felt in a big way.
There are many ways that our small choices can influence our moods, feelings, and level of hope about the world. In many cases the descent into negativity happens so gradually we are not even aware of it.
Taking the following steps will help you reset your life and start to feel positive again:
I’ve been to a lot of seminars over the years. Some were great, some were okay, and some of them made me feel uncomfortable. The ones I didn’t like usually involved pressure to buy, sell, or do something in order to be accepted.
It’s interesting to watch these charismatic seminar leaders in action. They make a lot of money doing this. They build momentum and get people fired up. They create a sense of urgency, use peer pressure, and sometimes shaming language:
- If you don’t buy this you don’t have what it takes.
- You can’t succeed without us. We know better than you.
- It would be really stupid to let this opportunity slip away.
- You won’t belong if you don’t do this.
The people in our lives may use similar methods to control us. They can use our fears and feelings of unworthiness to their advantage. And sometimes, we are so caught up in it that we don’t even realize what is happening. Continue reading
An early mentor of mine, Kendrick Mercer, used to say that fantasizing was a good thing. His perspective was that it was rehearsing for reality.
I used to love to hear him tell the story of how he created fantasies of being a brave knight and a Native American warrior in order to survive a childhood with no love and little care. He lived these stories fully and began to take on the qualities of each persona. Years later, it was clear that the knight and warrior spirits still lived within him. Continue reading
There are times in our lives when we all have continued doing things that no longer served us. Sometimes we just wonder about it. Is what I am doing working for me? Should I make a change? Sometimes we feel stuck. Why does nothing happen when I try so hard?
The following process is a quick and easy way to evaluate how effective your strategies are and decide how you want to move forward. Simply ask yourself these 6 questions: Continue reading
These strategies have worked for my clients over and over again. They can work for you, too. Continue reading
We are happiest when our lives are in alignment with our core values. Living in a way that reflects what is most meaningful to us, allows us to feel more peaceful, grounded, and fullfilled. Anything that conflicts with our values will create more stress and dissonance in our lives. Continue reading
Simple living gets a bad rap. It can bring up images of living in a cabin in the woods with one plate, one fork, and having to raise your own food. Or, a house that is cold, colorless, empty, and devoid of personality. And, what about those old, worn, and frumpy thrift store clothes you will have to wear?
The truth is living a simple life is not about that at all. Continue reading
Recently, I presented a program about strategies for dealing with stress to employees at a local insurance office. One of the things that became clear is that most people think of stress as something big, powerful, and overwhelming, that controls them.
Not true. Continue reading
I may be a love and peace kind of girl, but I do believe in consequences for actions that are harmful to others. It used to bother me that I put a lot of energy into judging the people who hurt me or committed crimes against others, and then, I had a thought …… Continue reading
I recently listened to an interview with Dan Millman who wrote the book, “A Peaceful Warrior”. He describes a Peaceful Warrior as someone who has a peaceful heart with a warrior spirit. I like the sound of that and started thinking about what my life would be like if I showed up as a Peaceful Warrior. Continue reading